Songs where the singer/protagonist comes off as a serious dick without meaning to

Big Prick Energy

Alanis didn't mention the beaver puppet either!

A Scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly/
Often carries a beaver

He was talking like Popeye for some reason, and had this beaver puppet…

I guess the Olsen Twins must have been making all the money

True of most John Mayer songs, but “you’re going to live forever in me” is a capstone song in this theme

https://thehardtimes.net/culture/tlc-confirms-that-no-scrubs-was-also-written-about-dave-coulier/

this appears to have been picked up by some AI articles, and will thus now be true forever

Dave Coulier has an album called “Songs in the Key of Beaver”

I mean look, that's why I mentioned it. I don't *think* TLC meant to come off as condescending of poor people but it kind of comes off that way

technically speaking TLC didn't write the song either, it was written largely by two members of Xscape for them to record and then they gave it to TLC instead

^^ see bringing that up is a scrub move

I could have written the song, I have amazing songwriting talent, but was too busy working on three even better songs, you're gonna love em when they come out.

In the front of the club I see this girl like, "Yo love"
Thought she said thug but she called me a scrub

This ain't my Benz there, it's my man's, yeah
But this ain't my car like that ain't your hair

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tt5DE4hbYY

Talking of Roy Orbison. I know we're supposed to feel sympathy for Roy in this song but what a whiny deluded sap he is. She's obviously not that into you, Roy, develop a backbone why don't you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtgnsOXoAVM

Lehrer notes that there was (even then) a trope of women singing about guys who they loved even though they were repulsive and unsanitary.

Is “My Funny Valentine” the origin of this trope?

First example that jumps to mind is The Crystals “He’s Sure The Boy I Love” (“He doesn't hang diamonds 'round my neck/And all he's got is an unemployment check”).

What’s great about “Give Him A Great Big Kiss” is that the Shangri-Las are clearly turned on by his “dirty fingernails”, no qualifiers needed.

Of course the male versions of this trope are the ones that are truly nasty e.g. “You Got What It Takes”:

You don't live in a beautiful place, no
You don't dress in the best of taste
And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face
But baby, you got what it takes.

Who could resist such buttering up?

Also, as mentioned upthread, the Temptations “Beauty’s Only Skin Deep” (yeah, yeah, yeah):

Now, good looks, I've learned to do without
'Cause now I know it's love that really counts

and

A pretty face you may not possess
But what I like about you is your tenderness.

You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright
And that's alright with me

…And here’s why

(You're So Square) Baby I Don't Care

(…kind of the flip of Great Big Kiss, where she loves that the guy is cool)

reminds me of the thing you can find in some old r&b tunes where the male lead singer loves his girl because she's either too fat or too skinny, thus reducing the chances that somebody will try to steal her

"If You Wanna Be Happy" by Jimmy Soul took that concept to #1 in 1963. Kinda funny that the song was written by a married couple, together with a third writer.

lol god that song

I still hear it at public joints, it is so cringe. It's not even a good song.

Bono

Which one

Daddy's gonna pay for your crashed car (at the moment, but I guess you could argue the "without meaning to" clause in that era, so more generally, just Bono.

)

Great song though

Dang now I have an image in my head of Bono and Cher

Songs where the singer/protagonist comes off as a serious dick

The lyrics to The Jets - "Rocket 2 U" are really funny, every verse is just a list of all of the things the protagonist cannot do, doesn't understand how to do, or will not do

And the chorus is basically "I am an idiot and kind of useless but I can fuck all night, it is actually the only thing I can do" lol

Climax Blues Band - “I Love You”

Classic woman-as-savior-of-the-lost-soul-male-genius song, not a single line about what she’s really like, only about how she fulfilled her duty in talking this piece of shit off the ledge.

The Turtles, "Let Me Be".

"Don't try to plan me or understand me / I can't stand to be understood"

Good, because there's nothing to understand, you're a pompous whiny dick, end of story.

Ha, attempt to rewrite It Ain’t Me Babe

See I think "It Ain't Me Babe" almost doesn't fit the category because he clearly intends dickitude.

Compare "Rambling Man" or "Free Bird" or "Goodbye Stranger" for basically the same message.

I just mean that it was the Turtles follow up single to their cover of It Ain’t Me Babe. Sounds like dumbed down Dylan lyrics.

PF Sloan I think?

Adding to the Beach Boys coverage itt, "Girl Don't Tell Me" is quite the little bundle of grievance. Like, okay, I get it, she didn't write you after your fling last summer, and you're bummed. But maybe take it as a life lesson and don't go on a creepy tangent about her short shorts and all the going-out she must have done during the school year. Gross.

Dr. Hook's "More Like the Movies" is one long extended "apology" where every "sorry" strikes me as deeply insincere and manipulative:

I guess the dance is over now
So you just courtsey and I'll bow
And ask the band to play us Auld Lang Syne
Then I'll just take what's left of me
Right back to where it used to be
And you'll go sail your magic carpet, far across the sky

I wish I could have made it
More like the movies for you
Some pretty Technicolor way it's never been
I'm sorry when I kissed you
You only heard me whisper
You never got to hear those violins
Did you girl?
No, you never got to hear those violins, no

The castles that you built so high
Were just too steep for me to climb
And I guess these dirty streets of mine
Were just too rough for you
I wish I could've helped you see
Just one of your sweet childhood dreams
But though I tried, I could not make not one of them come true

And I wish I could have made it
More like the movies for you
Some pretty Technicolor way it's never been
I'm sorry when I kissed you
You only heard me whisper
You never got to hear those violins

Add Dr. Hook's "When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman" to thread also

I never got to hear those violins, no