MOST INEXPLICABLE CASTING CHOICE FOR THE LIVE-ACTION G.I. JOE MOVIE

"but is supplemented by representatives from other branches of the United States Armed Forces"

where is the US Ninja Squad?

yeah I think of basically all the core GI Joe dudes as being way more adult and authoritative than they were possibly going to turn out in this movie -- but I guess if it's a young-Joe origin-story kind of thing, Tatum works okay

btw I am totally in love with Siena Miller in these promos

my primary fear is that this poll will repeat in two years and be won by Vern Troyer as Orco

hahahahaha

lol

Isn't Vern going to be Snarf?

thoughts:

i never watched g.i. joe because im not old and i had parents who loved me ~ dont care about the cartoon or other ppl's yearning for time unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty ~ 1985.

pretty sure based upon commercials i have seen that some chick and a gay dude knock over the eiffel tower (sp?) w/ a laser and channing tatum is shirtless itm while dennis quaid or maybe a sobered up randy quaid i cant really tell gives the stuffy brass what for ~~~~ also pretty sure at least sixteen things blow up thats a near perfect explosion to time a chick is in the previews with a shirt on ratio

fuck you, as always, if u disagree

time unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty ~ 1985.

megalolz

whoever backed this movie missed out on $$$ of cross-merchandising

http://www.toplessrobot.com/deadbumble.jpg

megalolz

― girlish in the worst sense of that term (Shakey Mo Collier)

for serious. there were never times unfettered by economic malaise and global uncertainty, just times when you were unaware of such things. which is probably what lamp meant in the first place.

I think it's time to start reposting the Fensler PSAs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTehdxIj0ZQ

stop all the downloadin'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42-1Mjj3pcg&feature=related

I still own those G.I. Joe-Transformers comix.

(xxxpost)

This is one of my favorites. The part with the girl is awesome!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIICLDgZFNU&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSMdGCWRLhQ&feature=related

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg&feature=related

~~~ best one ~~~~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNwxv6TgsuU&feature=PlayList&p=9271A5DF041C6A97&index=25

tbh hi dere i think we need to poll these

down to 36% ROTTEN now...

This was a ridiculous pile of shit, but I gotta say that JGL brought his A-game anyway - he seems to be the only person onscreen having any fun.

Great lol value too - lots of SPLIT-SECOND FLASHBACKS, from Sienna Miller and Channing Tatum rolling about in a sun-dappled paradise to adorable tykes wailing on each other w/ swords.

Dumb and fun. Set your expectations low and smoke out hard. Four of us found it stupid and highly entertaining.

Lots of explosions and battles, lots to laugh at. The worst parts were the Marlon Wayans jokes and the attempt at romantic subplots.

Otherwise, good vs evil superhero army destructo mayhem ridiculous giant city under the polar ice cap lasers bombs nanotechnology destroy eiffel tower and super super super hot Scarlet.

I loved this but I must admit to having been quite purposefully drunk.

Armond weighs in

oh i just know there's gonna be gold in there....

This Eiffel Tower image also recalls the postmodern epigraph that closes Godard’s In Praise of Love : “I will go to my grave with more visions than man has previously ever known.” The trashy secret of G.I. Joe is its ironic capitalizing on the fact that awesome, dread-filled visions don’t necessarily destroy childhood innocence.

ARMOND U NEVER LET ME DOWN

As for acting, operatives Tatum and Wayans look great in their special Accelerator suits

I think this pretty much says it all.

complete list of other films armond cites in this review:

iron man
star trek
harry potter 6 ("and the half-blooded chintz"--good one dude!)
the mummy
transformers 2
wanted
3:10 to yuma
drag me to hell
transporter 3
torque (those last two are "superior pop art")
the laura (sic) croft films
thunderbirds
the hurt locker ("now overrated")
united 93
cloverfield
mars attacks
in praise of love

this was quite entertaining (albeit retarded) until the end

latebloomer OTM, although I'm curious as to what his breaking point was and if it was the same as mine

I really enjoyed this!

It was definitely better than "Transformers 2" and "Terminator Salvation", not that that is particularly difficult to achieve.

Channing Tatum is really not an actor, though.

1. There are three important things to the Baroness: i. catsuit, ii. glasses, iii. accent. The accent, believe it or not, is the most important one.

2. Karolina Kurkova as Cover Girl? META!

3. Rachel Nichols is more stacked than I remembered.

4. Why the eff did they use that stupid baritone voice for Cobra Commander? Even after he put on that stupid mask? No ski mask? No hood?

5. Duke was always the most boring Joe.

6. Too much Stormshadow and Snake Eyes. These guys are supposed to be stealth mofos, but when you have them carrying out tasks better suited for grunts, they lose their cachet.

latebloomer OTM, although I'm curious as to what his breaking point was and if it was the same as mine

*SPOILER*when they made Baroness a mind control victim instead of an unrepentant baddie*SPOILER*

hahaha

I was relatively okay with that, considering the stage they set, but when they had the faceoff with Cobra Commander and CC said "you're taking me in with what army?" and Duke said "THIS ONE" and all the other Joes magically appeared from NOWHERE I was like "okay movie, I have this left testicle I'd like for you to slobber on right... now"

All you can do is laugh. If they made Baroness as hot as Scarlet and cut Marlon Wayans entirely, this would actually be a pretty good film.

er Baroness was about a bazillion times hotter than Scarlet, who I think may have had a goat or a pony somewhere in her ancestry

this turned out to be pretty gay

I'm with Nate, though I didn't find Marlon Wayans to be as horrible as he'd been made out to be.

It's not that Marlon failed to do his job as an actor. It's that he was given such an obvious and obnoxious role.

And I grew up on a goat farm so maybe that's why I found Scarlet so hot?

Marlon often does a good job in movies that don't involve his brother Shawn and he was fine here, but Channing Tatum was so ridiculously awful that he made Marlon come across like Master Thespian.

The third G.I. Joe movie is a prequel and it's called Snake Eyes. Wouldn't Snake Eyes imply it was the second movie?

Snake Eyes is a GI Joe character

Snake Eyes vs Storm Shadow fite!