VegemiteGrrl's Home for the Absent-Minded

You get a pass on that one

I prefer the notion that it’s extra dimensional pranksters warping my car keys to their space then back again.

once after getting home from work I started absentmindedly yet methodically burying my keys in a pile of linen on the couch before I caught myself and went “wtf are you doing”

looks like I live-blogged that one itt lmao

There was a twilight zone ep about this (the 80s version), something like, time was created in these individual boxes that someone (elves? Aliens? I dunno) had to remake every minute and occasionally they'd forget to include a sock/watch/kitchen tool in one box, but then put it back a few later.

As an explanation for this phenom.

Schroedingers cat needs playthings. So borrows from other boxes?

I remember that episode! And if no one went down an alley in that particular minute, they just didn't build it.

It would be p cool if reality was only as reliable as like websites and stuff. You just get to a point and like “uhh reality is down again” and ppl are “nah u just got shitty reality service, my reality is fine.”

plumber wants access to the cupboard so there needs to be some serious tidying up done. i thought some of those vacuum bags for bedding, clothes etc would be useful so this morning i took a three mile walk to buy some from the hardware store in Kensington. got there to find said hardware store was a branch of wilko. this Wilko...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-66743050

"All Wilko shops to shut with 12,500 jobs likely to go"

sad trombone

Is High Street near Main St?

Yeah, but it's higher up.

Re my birthday, I told people today was my 55th. When my kid asked at me at dinner I said the same. my spouse rolled eyes and said “you are 56.” I did some slow uncertain math, and warnt I sorprised!

when i said “wow i was wrong all day,” 17 y/o snorted and said “NORMAL DAY.”

v relatable

i have gotten my own age and my wedding anniversary wrong on many occasions

what even are numbers

I managed to walk into a window a couple of weeks ago because I didn't spot the glass and thought it was an open door. AND I was holding a cup of coffee, which mixed nicely with the blood gushing from the wound on my nose. Scar is mostly gone now luckily so shouldn't leave a trace. I think there was CCTV in the room too so expect the incident to turn up on some "LOL Epic Door Fails" YT comp any time.

You broke the glass with yr face?

jeez that’s scary!

"Disappearing objects" mostly happens to me when I'm already playing the scenario that the object must be in an obvious place that I can't see, and feeling stupid / frantic / bored about it probably makes me overlook it even more. I go from room to room in circle looking for my keys / phone / wallet, checking a place visually up to three times when I already know it's not there, but my brain is too lazy / selective to search properly. And I'm 36.

Speaking of keys, I dropped mine in the door of the elevator while taking them out of a bag over the weekend. There was this cinematographic moment of silence while I heard them clinging in their fall, and I wanted to disappear too. They said I could pay or wait a month for maintenance, so I'm waiting.

The very next day, we are getting out of the car, I put my phone on top of the car, get the baby out, discuss with my wife of what bags can stay in the car. I close down the boot and hear the noise of my phone's screen getting shattered as it got stuck in the opening.

For now, I have decided this can't be clumsiness but sheer bad luck.

Like, I look repeatedly in one place, hoping that the object magically reappears

My biggest door fail, many years ago, involved me:

-- Walking through a revolving door carrying a cup of hot coffee (yes, I know)
-- Hitting my head on the revolving door
-- Stumbling outside and pouring hot coffee over my crotch
-- Dropping my coffee cup
-- Reaching down to the coffee stain and accidentally punching myself in the balls
-- Pulling my fist away too quickly and poking myself in the eye
-- The end

You broke the glass with yr face?

God no, I broke my face with the glass though! You'd have to go some to shatter an external window thankfully, that one's for the movies. Actually so is walking into a window to start with but you know what I mean.

At this point in my life the clumsiness clearly isn't going to improve, I just need to be extra vigilant at all times and never - never! - let my concentration fail, lest a similar accident occur where I genuinely hurt myself.

Oh, last year I managed to crack my skull open against the laundry dryer. I was dodging under other people's clothes to reach the lines at the back and somehow "forgot" about the dryer. I had a second on my knees taking in the shock in when I felt the warm gush spreading on my face. By the time I reached the bathroom my face was like in a movie.

Proper lol there Chuck, thank you.

haha yeah me too, thanks Mr Bean!

Fucked up twice today on automated callouts for supply teaching. Booked off for today, and at 10:00 this morning I absent-mindedly trashed the not-available request; immediately received a call to drive an hour for a half-day with a rough intermediate class. Turned it down, and I hate turning down work. Tonight, couldn't find my phone when the phone rang; it was off the charger and sitting on the recliner under a blanket. So I missed what was almost certainly a job for Wednesday or Thursday (already booked Tuesday/Friday). I'll likely get a call tomorrow night, but not guaranteed--if not, move this over to the expensive-stupidity thread.

My biggest door fail, many years ago, involved me:

-- Walking through a revolving door carrying a cup of hot coffee (yes, I know)
-- Hitting my head on the revolving door
-- Stumbling outside and pouring hot coffee over my crotch
-- Dropping my coffee cup
-- Reaching down to the coffee stain and accidentally punching myself in the balls
-- Pulling my fist away too quickly and poking myself in the eye
-- The end

― Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, September 19, 2023 5:07 AM (one month ago) bookmarkflaglink

Missed this. Masterful.

Yes that is Jaques Tati level.

tbh I was disappointed Chuck didn't reel backward into the revolving door at the end

I found a pair of earbuds I really like. I left one pair on a train, so I bought another. A month later I left that pair on an airplane. The third pair's case has been painted with nail polish in the hopes that my eyes will register them before leaving a place. All this has happened within the space of a few months.

i cannot imagine having to hold on personal items with your volume and sequences of travel i would end up a property-less person

yeah same, i would need all my shit safety pinned to my coat like a kid being sent off to kindergarten

I was on a flight from Miami to Atlanta last week. It was chilly, so I put on my fleece. In doing so, I took off my glasses and put them on the empty seat beside me, then forgot to put them back on. When the plane landed, I realized in a panic that they were not on my head, and were nowhere to be found. After the plane emptied out, a flight attendant helped me. She said, "Well, when we land, everything moves forward," and found them on the floor like four rows ahead of where I was sitting.

mother's day is early this year (uk). i should go to the supermarket and pick up a card there rather than making a special trip to the card shop...

and i won't pick the usual abstract card or a floral one, i'll pick one with text on it for a change. and i like that font and the way that orange clashes with that dark blue... sorted.

get home and realise it reads 'happy birthday!'

(and i will probably forget / lose it before october)

I've been doing a better job of going to the gym on the way to work, but somehow like every other time I manage to forget an item I need in my gym bag - most often towel, belt, or shoes for work. A few times I've just given up on going to the office and worked from home due to this.

Whereas today I am beltless in office and just pulling up my jeans a lot, lol

Found this year’s and last year’s registration in my glove box today with the August 2024 tag still on this year’s form, that I paid for last August. A non-required front tag? Nope. Stowed the registration on purchase and have been driving with expired tabs since September.

H A P P Y   B I R T H D A Y

you rule, despite certain lacunae that i shall not mention

Yes, happy birthday S. You are sunshine. Hope you have a wonderful day.

(the lacunae involve her failure to appreciate billy squier, just in case anyone took that seriously)

(i mean she *should* appreciate billy squier, but is kickass nevertheless)

thank you guys!

my lack of appreciation for billy squier is a feature, not a bug fyi imo iirc

hb to you vg!

Happy birthday and thank you for the painful joy that is this thread!

Happy birthday love!!

Mookie how do you feel about broccoli because she and I have faced off on this in the past

HB, vg. Whenever i see a show rec from you i take notice on account of the fact that . .. you're always right? Hope your day is lovely!

bewdy m8

There was a time before VG on ilx but I hope there will never be a time after.

you guyyyyyys <3