NFTs (thread now extremely NSFW)

A massive theft appears to be happening right now --- all these NFTs have been stolen from wallets... some of the absolute top tier apes. pic.twitter.com/fHPqTT8Vqg

— NFTstats.eth (@punk9059) December 16, 2023

It is hard to put to words how devastating this is. Absolutely terrible. See below from Dingaling. https://t.co/eeVAOpURvN

— NFTstats.eth (@punk9059) December 16, 2023

that bottom row includes women, who I suppose the owner would consider a Top Teir Ape

that's how I always compliment the women in my life

yeah just at a quick glance you can tell these are superb apes, made by dedicated craftsmen from quality ingredients.

makes me pull my hair out and weep thinking about what these common criminals will do with them

See below from Dingaling

Ape-ocalypse Now

See below from Dingaling

- Chuck Berry

top tier apes, tho

Looking forward to the true-crime heist film sure to follow. I wanna hear a lot of ape-related Mamet dialogue.

"So it's apes huh."
"Top tier apes."
"Top tier. Top tier?"
"The man says top tier."
"Top tier apes."
"Top fucking tier."
*low whistle*
"All right."
"All right?"
"OK. It's a go."
"It's a go?"
"We'll take the apes."
"Every fucking ape. Every. Fucking. Ape. Top tier."

All joking aside I would love this person to explain what makes them top tier.

Good news! The apes have been recovered, after a bounty payment. Apes are reported to be doing well.

https://cointelegraph.com/news/nft-trader-stolen-bayc-mayc-returned-bounty-payment

so ridiculous

need to check them properly, if they've been infected with a computer virus they'll have to be culled

They might have monkeypox

a fungible infection

That one tweet has so many quotables

Here's how you do it.. create your OWN crypto currency and sell it to the marks

A Colorado pastor and his wife have been charged with duping hundreds of local Christians in a multimillion dollar a cryptocurrency scheme.

Prosecutors accuse pastor Eli Regalado and his wife, Kaitlyn, of fraudulently raising over $3m (£2.4m) by selling "practically worthless" crypto.

The Regalados pocketed at least $1.3m in the alleged scheme between June 2022 and April 2023, prosecutors say.

Mr Regalado said his plan was inspired by God, according to court filings.

The pastor said that "God told him directly that investors would become wealthy" by investing into INDXcoin, a cryptocurrency created, marketed, and sold by the Regalados, according to the complaint.

INDXcoin was offered to Denver-area Christians through the Kingdom Wealth Exchange, an online cryptocurrency exchange owned and operated by the Regalados.

The couple "had no experience in cryptocurrency", the complaint said, and a third-party auditor found INDXcoin to be "unsafe, unsecure and riddled with technical problems".

"Despite that report, the Regalados allegedly continued to promote the INDXcoin as a low-risk, high-profit investment," it said.

"In reality, the INDXcoin was illiquid and practically worthless" and the couple used the funds for "their lavish lifestyle".

https://www.the-sun.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2022/01/SF-righteous-gemstones-season-2-COMP-1-1.jpg?w=620

lmao yes, I hope the writers are taking notes

tbh I am not sure what is illegal about this? what's the difference between this an an apes jpeg?

the difference is the sophistication of the fraud and the elaboration of the pitch. when your customers happily swallow a line about how god is giving them investment advice through you, then taking their money is as easy as falling off a log so why bother with sophistication?

Ha... what a snake

Regalado added: “A few hundred thousand dollars went to a home remodel the Lord told us to do.

“We took God at his word and sold a cryptocurrency with no clear exit.”

The lord told me to pay someone $20 to kick that cryptopastor’s ass. There is a higher law

I am not defending them, but tbh, don’t really see how this is any different than regular tithing.

Jesus he knows me, and he knows I'm right

I'd have to see the details of the "investment" claim, but when you tithe you know you're giving money to the church that you won't get back. Not in money, anyway.

should have just offered a traditional 401(k), people would be less angry if they were investing in the Acts of the Apostles Aggressive Growth Fund or the Barabbas Bond Fund

I’m sure it has to do with the promise of a monetary return on investment. All sorts of laws kick in at that point.

Another thing - it was apparently a 'virtual church,' i.e services on zoom or something.. there was no physical building

god is everywhere

except the bathroom

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_god

And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the money changers

many are saying that the return on investment on tithing is 90%

https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2024/01/20/16/80256473-0-image-a-18_1705767451635.jpg

Ah, grift. Enjoy a gift link!

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/02/business/bitboy-ben-armstrong.html?unlocked_article_code=1.SU0.XIQw.waNRmXK-BCc_&bgrp=g&smid=url-share

Among other joys:

Back then, BitBoy was one of the most popular figures in the wild, scam-ridden world of crypto influencers. Cultivating a persona as a straight-talking everyman, he filmed a livestream five days a week in which he lectured his hundreds of thousands of listeners on the virtues of experimental coins with names like Polkadot or XRP. He said that regulators were fools, and that digital money offered a path to upward mobility. The Lamborghini was vivid proof: Crypto would make you rich and cool and successful.

Two years later, Mr. Armstrong, 41, has lost his production company and much of his wealth. His friends have turned on him, and his wife has filed for divorce. Over the last five months, across countless social media posts and videos, Mr. Armstrong has claimed to be the victim of a “criminal conspiracy” by “terrorists” who took over his YouTube channel. “BitBoy is dead,” he recently declared....

“I’m going through a midlife crisis,” Mr. Armstrong said in one of several recent interviews. “A spiritual crisis.”....

Like any charismatic salesman, Mr. Armstrong has a carefully honed pitch: He used to be just a regular guy, he likes to say, until crypto changed his life. After undergoing treatment for a methamphetamine addiction in the early 2000s, he attended a Christian college and ended up marrying his admissions counselor.

And especially this bit about the woman he's having an affair with:

Since the summer, Ms. Wolfe has been working with Mr. Armstrong to rebuild his fan base and fight for control of his company. Before she got interested in crypto, she considered law school, she said, and ran a small clinic for people who wanted to represent themselves in court — mostly men in divorce cases.

Ms. Wolfe, who has been married and divorced four times, met Mr. Armstrong at a conference in 2022 as she was trying to make her way in the crypto industry. A few months later, an astrologer she had found on the gig work site Fiverr told her that someone was about to “change the trajectory” of her career.

iirc he posted an epic series of tweets about this a month or two ago

It is with a heavy heart I announce the sale of my long term ape, Salazar. Most of my early followers know me as this ape. My kids know me as this ape. I met my wife when I WAS this ape and had my first kid when I was still proudly wore this ape. By extension, it is part of me.… pic.twitter.com/Gv3cwFZyQc

— vydamo (@vydamo_) March 28, 2024

As of today, March 28, 2024, Pacman has refused to acknowledge our letter.

"International Ape Workshop"...

"I recently lost Bumbledoor Glockbottoms to a North Korean zero-day hack. It's tough living without such a critical part of me"

Godspeed, Salazar

Kicking someone who lost essentially a part of them is real class bro

Nice

— vydamo (@vydamo_) March 28, 2024

Good luck explaining the 21st Century to any humans still surviving after the 21st Century is over.

well, shoot, y'all, it's with a mighty heavy heart i gotta up and tell ya 'bout the sale of my ol' buddy, salazar, the fella with egg all over his mug most folks 'round these parts know me when i'm with him my young'uns reckon i'm his partner in crime, and heck, i even courted my missus with this egg-faced rascal been part of my hide for a dog's age

me and ol' salazar, we've been ramblin' 'cross god's green earth together, from them fancy hotels to them rowdy honky-tonks, and them peaceful beaches too but doggone it, them shenanigans of damon albarn and his britpop troupe done gone and turned my egg-splattered pal into a dime-store trinket ever since damon albarn moseyed on in, his market price done fell from a sky-high 85 eggs down to a measly dozen

regrettably, i gotta bid adieu to my ol' buddy to save what's left of my bacon 'fore it's cooked to all y'all good folks in the egg-faced brotherhood who've been sendin' kind words my way, i tip my hat to ya 'til we meet again down the road, so long for now and who knows, maybe one day we'll cross paths again on the other side of the fence until then, take care, y'hear

https://i.imgur.com/FdrOKzt.png

This has been Gorillaz's plot all along, hasn't it?

That guy’s avatar is a modified Pepe isn’t it

this is like the storyboard for a Longmont Potion Castle prank call