Real England

There is an XL Bully owner up the road from me. There is a sign on the rickety gate that reads something like they have no responsibility for anyone who gets seriously injured or killed by their dog. I don't trust the gate to contain this beast, every time there has been strong winds another plank comes off it. And then my dumbass dog makes it a more fraught situation by barking at this beast.

Loving that these brain donor programme participants think a shitty little warning sign absolves them of responsibility for their dogs. Any prosecutor would say ‘so you knew your dogs were potentially violent?’

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GFpWKUYWEAApZ-2?format=jpg&name=small

imagine having a sign like this at the front of your house

My uncle had a rottweiler called Bear when I was a kid. He was a bit of a nutter. The uncle I mean. The dog did jump at me once which was pretty scary given it was probably bigger than I was but somehow I avoided getting a dog phobia

I got attacked by a huge German Shepherd at a farm in Kerry when I was a kid and despite it being a short one-two snaps attack I was bleeding a lot and had bite scars on my belly and hand for years afterwards, but I've never had a dog phobia over it, but you do need to exercise legitimate caution with some dogs. With this being the 70's nobody suggested I should have a tetnus booster - ah.. it'll be reet with a bit of germolene.

Is Jaywick still the most deprived town in England? It's a weird place anyway.

Its usually in the mix but I think Blackpool's the one

bloody coastal elites getting all the bragging rights!

I too got a German shepherd bite as a small child, but when I was taken to Emergency to get stitches, the doctors found weird swelling near my spleen while looking for possible inflammation and it turned out to be kidney cancer. The dog belonged to our neighbour and was not put down.

I wonder if the King has a weird swelling anywhere...

xp

I love German Shepherds and I think in a way that story enhances their rep as innately good creatures. Some dogs just don't like kids or get nervous around them - which is understandable tbf

Not just dogs tbf.

Hans was a good boy, plus I was definitely a kid that pestered dogs and had been bitten before. He did not have to go live on a farm for my sake.

This morning I was waiting for a connecting bus in the centre of Cambridge, it was about 10 minutes late, and the queue was now snaking past the other bus stops. A group of five men started a new queue next to ours, so I was stressing a bit about that when the bus finally arrived. Somewhere behind me I heard a Spanish woman telling off two teenage boys for dropping litter, their response was "It's too early for this shit" then "why don't you go back where you come from?" - wish I had intervened but was distracted by the fact that the woman in front of me had just let the five men go in front of her without a word. As I got on the bus the teenagers were discussing whether "Why don't you go back where you come from?" was racist (their conclusion was "no" and "it's too early for this shit") then the packed bus was held up for a further five minutes behind a bin lorry, and as I stood there stressing about missing my train I thought "yes, this is the real England experience, just need some miserable pissy rain to seal the deal" so thanks ILX.

It's been a landmark in Weston-super-Mare since 1935 🌸
But the group looking after the floral clock say they needed to make it easier to look after.

This is their plan ➡️ https://t.co/2OQO2AA8wb pic.twitter.com/5JmD5333g5

— BBC West (@BBCBristol) February 8, 2024

hahaha oh my god

also just reading your post now CaAL :( ❤️

actually, i'm not sure how true that is. acticle says 'plan' but the picture is in past tense and then you look and the clock is different. and then you look harder and the *houses* are different. so it's obv not the same place.

oh, the old pic is 1935 and it IS the same place

KEN likes it anyway

there are few bus stops that really sum up that feeling of faded dystopic england than north greenwich’s “Millennium Leisure Park East” unless you’re talking about the next stop along, “Millennium Leisure Park West”

followed two stops later by excellent pomo contradiction Millennium Village Oval Square. no I didn't need to look that up

Real England thread: xl bullies are child eating monsters
Dogs thread: xl bullies wouldn’t hurt a fly!

They are also smaller dog-eating monsters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgQTymQSYQY

Interview with Mark Molesley of Gosport Borough

https://i.ibb.co/MGHNc6T/Screenshot-2024-02-28-at-12-45-51.png

This happened in Glasgow but still: 'Angry families turned up to find me dressed as Willy Wonka'

The only thing that's not Real England about this is that the organisers of the event apologised and refunded everyone's money.

more here:
fyre festival is going well

Also, Glasgow's not in England

More and more are saying this

'cyberflashing' lol.. dude totally looks like a cyberflasher

Court jails first person convicted of cyberflashing in England

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/mar/19/court-jails-first-person-convicted-of-cyber-flashing-in-england

Ian Beale – 2024 Wall Calendar

Becky for PM.

Hi Backy. Thanks for highlighting this, we will find the officer responsible and make sure that they are disciplined

— Sandford Police (@Sandford_Police) April 1, 2024

April Fool, and highly English

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GKpEc7YWAAAcREG?format=jpg&name=small

can always count on the local community centre for some top class signcraft

H
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f
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graphic design is my passion

It's like having an eye test

Those flags look like teeth

one thing I've learned is that the ppl that put posters up for the line-dancing and martial arts have much better grammar and visual flair!

is tombola (a) a mobile phone service for the deceased, (b) bribery of the clergy to secure a more desirable plot, or (c) a product for removing those stubborn coffin juice stains?

I can't remember if this thread covered the Woolaston Mystery Mime Man back in 2019

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/06/25/mystery-mime-artist-vanishes-fete-goers-cash-asking-pay-guess/

https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1100/format:webp/0*tsHeNEee-T-AjT8e

A self-styled "Mystery Man" who asked village fete-goers to donate money to guess his identity literally turned out to be a mystery when he vanished after pocketing their cash.

Revellers at Woolaston Carnival in the Forest of Dean assumed the individual was a local resident when he wandered around the fete dressed in a full body morph suit communicating only in mime.

Carnival co-ordinator Andy Morgan Watts who led the parade in his vintage car dressed as a ringmaster, said: "He just appeared.

"Everybody was applauding him because it seemed such a clever way of raising money,"But when he disappeared it left a bad taste because people thought they had been giving money to charity.

Does anyone know about this 'Auditing' thing on YouTube (and probably elsewhere, no doubt) YT has been presenting these clips and I watched a couple but the general conceit is baffling to me.

Blokes wandering around dreary industrial estates, filming and with the seemingly sole intention of winding up the security firms, who they condescend to and occasionally have silly shoving matches, just so they can pointlessly film or fly a drone over, a completely nondescript factory or warehouse building, am I missing something?

I don't mean to use ILX as Google, but I bravely clicked on a Daily Mail article and found that it's an American trend that has found its way over here and while under the banner of 'protecting public photography and drone filming rights' it's just some excuse to boringly needle security firms and the police for YT revenue by dull pricks.

seems like just another flavour of the attention economy, couple of degrees from freemen, couple of degrees from paedo hunters

One of these auditors recently came to one of our offices (not mine thankfully) to start a fight and the video i saw on Tiktok of them trying to batter a security guard is the most embarassing thing I've ever seen

They need to try it at a military base or airport, might even be tempted to watch the resulting video.

the US version of this seems to be about 1st + 2nd amendment rights knuckleheads pushing white privilege to the limits by wandering about with guns in public + trying their best to provoke police interventions so they can loudly challenge them on their knowledge of constitutional rights while filming it. I don't what the hell it is doing over here!

US law applies everywhere don’t ya know. During the Ottawa truckers thing there were some people asserting their “1st Amendment Rights”.

I'd guess the UK version is anti-vaxx types from Hove who got radicalised during lockdown and are now looking for that buzz again

Racegoers fight each other as they scuffle on the second day of the Grand National Festival horse race meeting at Aintree Racecourse in Liverpool, north-west England (2024)#GrandNational pic.twitter.com/5F5wfCFexJ

— Great British Getty Images (@shitbritishpics) April 13, 2024

the video reveals it to be just a bit of playground shoving and a few soft taps exchanged and is over in seconds, the stills make it look more dramatic. I've harder hits from my son when he was 8 years old!

*had*