ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

Our next four things are working, college, driving, and housing.

None of them are optional, so we don't get to be picky. Alas. Eldest probably needs to drive. May need to work. Definitely needs college.

Younger (severely disabled) one needs something like a sheltered workshop and group housing.

yeah we have something 5 days out of the week with ours, I'd try to scale it back but I didn't get to do a whole lot of that stuff when I was a kid so I'll take the bullet

The 10 year old is asking for more freedom, what do you let her do? Walk to the corner store by herself (no street crossings, just around the block)? Walk to school? Stay home alone while we run out to the store?

When I was 10, I was out for hours at at time unsupervised. But I lived in a hay field.

I live in London and yeah both kids were doing those things by 10. I think even by like 7 we were letting them go to the park on their own. It’s funny how quickly it goes from nerve racking to normal (and then back again if they haven’t come back even they said they would)

So another first grader told my son he was going to bring a gun to school and shoot him. This is at home room the other morning. My kid handled it well until bedtime and started freaking out about death. Had to have some really hard conversations with him.

This obviously set off some alarms and procedures for the other kid and his parents at the school and county. He’s not a real threat or anything but what the fuck are 7 year olds talking like that for. Goddamn America

And yeah I know we said things like I’m gonna kill you at that age but this is different

jesus christ that is terrifying. i’m so sorry

When the free-range parenting thing was a thing, I had a friend who had a 10 year old and he was buying into it, talking about what it was like when we were kids and how much more restrictive we are with our kids even though crime and scary things happening to kids was at an all-time low. I suggested that perhaps scary things happen to kids less often because we keep a closer eye on them than our parent did. His eyes widened and I could see his wheels turning.

I have no idea how that actually plays out, statistics wise. I just know that I did incredibly stupid things when I was ten, footloose and fancy-free. It's a wonder I didn't burn the damn house down. I guess it really depends on your kids and their maturity.

Thanks. It fucked me up too if I’m being honest

So sorry to hear about that, Heez. That's nothing a kid should have to go through. Given that we have things like the Newport News teacher shooting, it's so much scarier. I remember bullies at school in the 80s who said they were gonna kill me, but it was all just dumb bravado.

On a lighter side of that type of story, a couple of years ago, I got a call to come to the elementary school because my fifth grader was in the principal's office. Another student had found a post-it note in his locker that read "the Illuminati is coming for you" on one side with a drawing of a bloody dagger on the reverse. When the administration reviewed the surveillance video, it was my daughter who had slipped it in the locker. Apparently, they had been joking around about the Illuminati at recess for some reason and she thought he'd appreciate the joke. She didn't mean to freak him out and was distraught about it (although she didn't apologize right away and kept quiet about her involvement until the truth came out). After chatting with the teachers and the principal for half an hour, they agreed to let her off with a warning because it was obviously just a misunderstanding. Anyway, they are still friends and had a picnic together yesterday.

I posted this in the mass shooting thread but the active shooter drills have definitely messed my son up - every time they do one he spends weeks talking about what he would do if a "stranger" came into the school and how he would protect his sister, but really he just asks over and over again if there are any bad guys where we live, and where they *do* live, if they would come here, etc. etc. not only that but I hear him late at night getting up and checking the locks on the doors. it terrifies him. as I guess it probably should. luckily after a couple weeks he kind of 'gets over' it, but still I can't imagine this is good for them, it's not a reality I want them to be aware of just yet

That’s the thing that upsets me about it. He’s 7 and ever since this happened he’s being more mature. Hugging me more and being thoughtful. I’d rather him throw tantrums and be an asshole like before. Something was opened up to him and I should be happy he’s handling it well but I just want him to be a kid

Pastopianism is a hell of a drug. "I did (x) and turned out fine," except some folks didn't.

Congratulations, you drank from the hose, stayed out until the streetlights came on, etc. But lots of bad things happened to lots of people during those days. Several of my friends did NOT survive.

that said, in the 1970s nobody was going through the anticipatory trauma that comes from living in a society where school shootings have become normalized so

Yes. People always talk about "oh times were simpler" well maybe thats because you werent being told OMG A GUNMAN COULD BURST IN AND KILL YOU ALLevery freaking month. :(

even when I take out the garbage at night after he's gone to bed I come back and hear "Daddy is that you? Ok just wanted to make sure it wasn't a bad guy"

Oh geez :(

Ha got my first ever puking toddler problem to manage today!

Somehow I have avoided the other times

I myself have not puked since 1994 so it’s a wild journey! Maybe this is the week!!

I am going for the “it’s impossible to be careful with a sick toddler so I’m just not bothering to be careful“ approach

Why are there so many sequential parenting threads

I got to spend some quality time with my 14 yo today and it was so great. I talked my face off about college years and the Godfather movies