fyre festival is going well

also jfc at that Summerland link, calz giving me nightmares

so many horrifying quotes I couldn't decide which to pull, prob for the best

UKXEPTCTED TWITS

The *House of Illuminati Scam* Facebook group has lots more gems like:
* Kids reacting to the Unknown: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1128277194850803/posts/1129789921366197/
* Fan artwork of sad Oompa Loompa woman: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1128277194850803/posts/1130406267971229/

And someone posted a photo of the woman smiling with some honestly sweet comments ("...She Was Such A Lovely Woman Who Tried Her Hardest To Keep The Kids As Happy As They Could Be So I Thought I Would Post A Different Picture Of The Woman Smiling Offering My Daughter Jelly Beans I Really Hope She Is OK In All Of This"): https://www.facebook.com/groups/1128277194850803/posts/1130481527963703/

The video of the kids texting to the unknown will be hilarious forever

https://i.discogs.com/StdCWVC6D3HpHsl0_VFPNQaSvS0y3TCoKmwHn4Rt6u0/rs:fit/g:sm/q:90/h:557/w:566/czM6Ly9kaXNjb2dz/LWRhdGFiYXNlLWlt/YWdlcy9SLTE0MDUy/MTAtMTMyMjE1Mjcz/Ni5qcGVn.jpeg

Oompa Loompa, 23, quai du commerce, 1080 Bruxelles pic.twitter.com/ZXX7r3dIzh

— Jared Gilman (@realJaredGilman) February 29, 2024

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM6y-5t862E

https://www.mediastorehouse.com/p/497/manet-folies-bergeres-bar-folies-bergeres-6509287.jpg

same person?

I feel the hairy lad up there in the YT, very much has the tinfoil condom on as he so colourfully put it

🖼

same person?

Link to the 15-page script actors were told to memorise the night before:

https://www.facebook.com/download/7289698507811539/Willyschocolateexperince.pdf?av=535950214&eav=AfaRLrY0wxqy-c7hBnsRRPKWqlNtMwbrJlTAlcHWExwBDPJzNZDpIksvBi3XN42oscg&paipv=0&hash=AcoqkFLcBSYV8_n4nCw&__cft__[0]=AZWk68hW4OKrZSOau4ateiHsAMDb4TTA_o03EmMtDHGpgZPUXYYlGvRI57sqqpY6hloWYjMZg4-Ke8OPSYISB6ygea9BRmVGAdA9y5_gAs7SPopX84aQYzOv4gu48wNqjhw5HyphkuqaRL17cMWlLA_Q17GBOmB2tYVfkWfvnbOcPQ&__tn__=H-R

seems broken

ah sorry grabbed it off facebook

https://we.tl/t-s8Y4y1KMiP

There's been some posts floating around from parents that said the Oompa Loompa was actually really kind to their kids and clearly trying to make the best of it after being suckered into an "acting" gig that wasn't what it was supposed to be.

Feel kind of bad for her becoming the face of this thing. Like, imagine your worst day of being suckered into some paying gig that turned out to be a complete shitshow and your face being plastered all over the internet for it.

i think most people are sympathetic to the oompa loompa

I have been made aware of a Richard Bone

― Beyond Goo and Evol (President Keyes)

it's called a baculum - all mammals except for pigs (who of course are famed for their corkscrew dicks) and humans have 'em. i keep trying to carry one around in my purse in the event somebody asks me if i have a penis. two problems. first is that nobody has ever been rude enough to ask me if i have a penis. the second is that i keep losing my dick bones. they fall out of my purse when i'm digging for my keys and i don't notice until they're long gone. that's just the kind of woman i am, i guess.

last time i was at the local ethically sourced taxidermy shop they had a whale penis in their display case. sometimes i've thought about buying it and naming it "pink floyd" but it's too big to fit in my purse. that's the problem with dicks. they're either too big or too small.

same person?

― Bernard Quidbins (NickB)

once i heard absinthe was also known as the "green fairy" i was in tbh

OMG @ this script. I love that it has reached into the future and predicted the precise reactions of the audience ("Audience members raise their hands, some enthusiastically, others more timidly.") I feel a nearly physical longing to get inside the heads of the maniacs who put this together. They are not from earth.

can't wait for the competing Wonkumentaries about this

Show me your Willy, I'll show you mine

The script is entirely unchecked AI drivel. I mean, the Wonka character's lines aren't exactly terrible, or aimlessly they check out and even manage to work as jokes even if they're incredible derivative. But yeah, the cues for the audience lines, filmic effects and bits where the actors are expected to do ACTUAL MAGIC are ridiculous

User
write an Oompa Loompa song about this article - https://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2024/02/28/willy-wonka-experience-scam-scotland-hunt-foster-ctm-vpx.cnn

ChatGPT
(Verse 1)
Oh, gather round, dear friends, and lend your ears,
To a tale of whimsy, woe, and trickery sheer.
In Scotland's land, a tale of cunning unfolds,
Where Willy Wonka's magic, alas, was sold.

(Chorus)
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-doo,
A scam in the air, a hoax that grew.
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee,
Beware of deals that too good to be!

(Verse 2)
A promise of Wonka's world, oh so grand,
A chocolate factory, a dreamland.
But alas, 'twas all a sham, a false delight,
As scam artists danced in the deceptive night.

(Chorus)
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-doo,
Greed and deceit, they surely ensue.
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee,
Trust not in fantasies, open your eyes to see!

(Bridge)
From Glasgow to Edinburgh, the whispers spread,
Of golden tickets and chocolate bread.
But truth reveals itself, a bitter pill,
As dreams turn to dust, against one's will.

(Verse 3)
So heed this warning, dear ones, far and wide,
Don't let sweet fantasies lead you to the side.
For in the end, it's honesty we treasure,
Not illusions spun for momentary pleasure.

(Chorus)
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-doo,
Hold tight to truth, in all that you pursue.
Oompa Loompa, doom-pa-dee-dee,
Let integrity guide, and set your spirit free!

i think most people are sympathetic to the oompa loompa

here probably, yeah, but elsewhere I'm seeing so many "jokes" about her and meth

the oompa loompa speaks:

https://www.vulture.com/article/glasgow-sad-oompa-loompa-interview.html

Not shocked to learn that the actors haven't been paid a cent.

I was starting to get angry. The other Oompa Loompa came over at this point...

If nothing else this is the most quotable story of the year and probably will remain so.

I feel for her. I don't quite get why this story took off the way it did, but it obv struck a nerve...

I mean, I like the appropriation, but I’d have to do something with all the black space below. pic.twitter.com/HZGLrOE3wd

— stuart murdoch (@nee_massey) February 29, 2024

yeah I guess I didn't see the reaction to the photo as mocking as more a relatable "wtf have I gotten myself into with this shitty job" type of thing we've all experienced

"all the black space below"? i think you'll find that's the Unknown you big twee pillock

“Yep, that me. You probably wonder how I got here.”

You wonder what noted misanthropist Roald Dahl would have made of this.

probably roald on the floor laughing

Roafddle

My sis said the same thing “ as if Dahl wasn’t evil enough already“. And yeah, the reason I couldn’t stop laughing and still can’t is that she just looks like she needs a freaking hug.

Myself and some colleagues had plans to do some events in that building but it is now irredeemably tainted, which is sad as it is an incredible space. (it's an old Kodak processing facility).

Initially I speculated that this event was put together by another 2 Glasgow chancers who have an amazing ability of consistently putting on the worst possible events. They actually have this very unique skill set as it seems to me almost impossible to put together events as ineptly as they do (they would have made an even worse job of this than the guy who put it on). If they weren't such reprehensible characters I'd be tempted to employ them to put together some similarly low-grade events as I think if promoted as the worst event you will ever go to and with a low ticket price one could build a cult audience, somewhat akin to Banksy's Dismaland.

Do they run a reissues label by any chance

No, they don't. Which chancers are those?

Take your pick of Glasgow chancers.

Doo dah, doo dah

Some happier pix of the oompa loompa situ
https://bsky.app/profile/benbartlett.bsky.social/post/3kmkmkdyqst2d

https://i.imgur.com/eDo0V1b.png

THE OOMPA LOOMPA QUEEN HAS SPOKEN pic.twitter.com/EpEBXCBb0N

— 𝕯𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖔 𝕭𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖎𝖓𝖘 (@EmmaTolkin) February 29, 2024

Pretty sure she'll be offered plenty of work from now on!

I mean, we all know by now that that’s not how it works, don’t we?

https://i.imgur.com/OTBg76o.jpeg