"In response to Redeye's column in this month's EDGE which has the cuntlapping basic argument that the computer industry has two overdriving unclefucks: companies want money, people want authenticity/reality. Thus why, he smacks, EA have smooched on the deep throating Franchise (ie the Real "Mistress Anal" Names) to help optimise titty fucks and how it has gained market supremacy AND now he sees for the sex fighting first time ever Pro "Dildo" Ev (the 'thinking man's' blah) has outsold Pro "Pimp Mastah" Ev (pound-for-pound ie unclefucked for one week only on one format) so he thrusts that Konami will rest on iterations now: Pro "Nobgoblin" Ev 2 = Pro "Spunksupper" Ev 1. Why does he come to titty fucks conclusion? Because they've gained the gangbanging market and in past the dripping company with the blowing market has cuntlapped its laurels and tried to retain them: he titty fucks that Konami have fistfucked the mantel through innovation and creation of The "Cockboy" Game. Which doesn't necessarily mean they'll maintain fingerfucks Revolution (ie see ISS Motherfucks -> ISS PS1 -> Pro "Jerkoff" Ev) and settle for (haha you lucky Redeye bastard) the (watch out, pun) Evolution."
-- dwh (savonarola@hotmail.com) (webmail), January 5th, 2003 8:13 PM. (dwh)
― naked as sin (naked as sin), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 23:51 (twenty-one years ago) link
I can't wait for the new single by The Penis Enlargers. What did people think of "A CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY" by the Sons Of The Former Presidents Of Nigeria?
-- DV (dirtyvicar...
― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 23:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kicks@hotmail.com), Yesterday 4:15 PM.------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eyeball Kicks has hurt my brane.
-- Nick Southall (n.j.southall@ex.ac.uk), Yesterday 4:21 PM.------------------------------------------------------------------------
This thread may not be based on a true story...
-- smee (smee4ilxor@hotmail.com), Yesterday 4:27 PM.------------------------------------------------------------------------
What - she didn't txt you?
-- Dave B (REMOVETOREPLYdave.boyle@supporters-direct.org), Yesterday 4:28 PM.------------------------------------------------------------------------
She fucked YOUR uncle? You fucked HER uncle? She fucked your dad? You fucked your dad? YOUR DAD FUCKED HER UNCLE?
-- Nick Southall (n.j.southall@ex.ac.uk), Yesterday 4:30 PM.
― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 03:10 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Graham (graham), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 13:33 (twenty-one years ago) link
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
u will get buggered by scallies u will -- gi66y ($$$@kjhgkjh.com), January 27th, 2003 7:30 AM.
― the internet (scg), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:49 (twenty-one years ago) link
Forever is the classixor ILX statement.
― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 19:52 (twenty-one years ago) link
― pinkbubbles, Wednesday, 5 February 2003 20:05 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- Q.ziq, February 5, 3003, 14:13pm (Central Venus)
-- j.lu (flavia@nme.com), February 6th, 2003.--
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 20:58 (twenty-one years ago) link
― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:06 (twenty-one years ago) link
[. . .]
-- Mandee (Wolfshirt@antisocial.com), February 4th, 2003.
* * * *
Mandee, why would a family clinging to their Swedish ancestry decorate their house white and red?
-- chris sallis (chrys@etc.com), February 4th, 2003.
* * * * I think she was making a point about just how stupid it all is...*sigh*
-- RJG (r_gillanders@yahoo.com), February 4th, 2003.
Sure, only I would have thought anyone going so far as to embroider "I Love Sweden" all over the place might also have confirmed the colour scheme of the Swedish flag before commencing interior decoration.
― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:11 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- hilton betelgeuse (mjbottoms@ntlworld.com), February 4th, 2003.
― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:51 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Graham (graham), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 21:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
Bob on Ornette coleman's 'Dancing in your head'.
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 22:29 (twenty-one years ago) link
heywoodpink: um there could be a busker who needs to finance a trip to canada to visit his mother, his sister who um actually i think i am crap at this!
loopstrange: no, don't doubt yourself...
loopstrange: who is the busker played by?
heywoodpink: oh i suppose i am just getting at the make it up as one goes along aspect of it
heywoodpink: the busker is played by someone with a beard
loopstrange: that means the busker has a secret
heywoodpink: and he is also lazy
loopstrange: he left his souzaphone at home
loopstrange: and his busking is now just telling wildly implausible stories to passers by
heywoodpink: his sister is a buyer at a used goods store
heywoodpink: and she is writing a novel based on people who try selling her weird things
loopstrange: she has red hair
heywoodpink: her boyfriend is obsessed with Polish folklore to the extent of dressing up in their national costume and speaking Polish, even though his parents are from Nicaragua
loopstrange: the busker reaches a diner in the lonesome desert
heywoodpink: with a help wanted sign
loopstrange: he fancies a plate of "flapjacks" so he enquires about the job
loopstrange: but it turns out the vacancy is for a violinist to entertain the patrons
loopstrange: he calls up his sister to see if she has bought a used violin lately
heywoodpink: while awaiting his violin, he becomes acquainted with an amnesiac clairvoyant named Elenore
loopstrange: she starts telling him about his life to come
loopstrange: some of the things she says are nearly identical to the wildly implausible stories he himself has beeen imparting to various folks
heywoodpink: one of the terms of his contract as a violinist is that he must live with the restaurant owners
loopstrange: they have a dog named chow chow
heywoodpink: who forces him to alter his repertoire because when he is practising, his rendition of A Hard Day's Night always makes the dog hump his leg
loopstrange: he becomes addicted to Elenores predictions about his life to come and stays on at the diner for a long time. then the predictions become fewer and less detailed because he is IN A RUT
heywoodpink: so instead of A Hard Day's Night he plays an old Polish tune he heard from his sister's boyfriend
loopstrange: the restaurant owners hear it and kick him out because
heywoodpink: he is demoted to backup violinist status after the atonal qualities of the tune begin to scare customers
heywoodpink: oh whoops, he is kicked out as a consequence, not demoted
loopstrange: yeah eh needs out of that diner
heywoodpink: his sister comes to pick him up and he gets into a fight with her boyfriend
loopstrange: his sister is in trouble, someone has tried to sell her a cryogenically preserved head
loopstrange: the niciraguan boyf is no help, he is too obsessed with the ways of the Poles
heywoodpink: and he is no longer capable of communicating in English or Spanish, he merely speaks in tongues of rapid incomprehensible Polish
loopstrange: the FBI are on their tail
loopstrange: of course Elenor has predicted all this
heywoodpink: so they track her down and she refuses to divulge the secrets of his future
loopstrange: the busker tries in vain to remeber some of her predictions more clearly
loopstrange: but all he can think of is chow chow
loopstrange: he shakes his fist at god
heywoodpink: and decides that the only solution is to hold his ex-bosses to ransom for chow chow
loopstrange: so they sneak back to the diner to get him
loopstrange: they take the cryogenically preserved head in case of emergency
heywoodpink: when they receive a call that their mother has gone into a coma
loopstrange: and desperately needs a head transplant
heywoodpink: but the only way they can fund the head transplant is by donating the head to science, and they don't know where to find another head
loopstrange: they look on Ebay and in the Buy, Sell and Exchange
loopstrange: Ebay is useless, but the B,S and E has a head in the Free section
heywoodpink: but it belongs to the parents of the busker's sister's ex-boyfriend...it is the head of a Polish miner's wife, and they are giving the head away in an attempt to shock him back into coherence
loopstrange: surely that would be a niciraguan head?
heywoodpink: oh actually the head belongs to him, but they have taken it from him...that's better
loopstrange: they have to drive to Bloomington, indiana to get the head
loopstrange: they take chow chow in case of emergency
heywoodpink: they get the money and charter a helicopter to Halifax, Nova Soctia
heywoodpink: oops Scotia, where their mum is
loopstrange: the mother looks ashen, wretched
heywoodpink: i think the music that is playing at this point is probably important
loopstrange: funky town by pseudo echo?
heywoodpink: hahaha well yes that can be playing on the hospital muzak speakers
loopstrange: she reaches out to her children, with love and gratitude in her eyes
loopstrange: 'my dearest kids, did you get me a new head?"
loopstrange: they shift uncomfortably
loopstrange: chow chow does a wee in the corner
heywoodpink: she hears a burbling sound and says 'what's that?'
heywoodpink: it is the head clanking around in the tank
loopstrange: it's DEFROSTING!
heywoodpink: yeah human heads don't clank, do they?
loopstrange: it would if it was partially frozen and perhaps in a stainless steel receptacle
loopstrange: and was wearing nicaraguan jewelery
heywoodpink: so then they start clamouring for surgeons and fast really urgent music starts playing, like Take On Me by A-Ha, which is appropriate because the lyrics say 'i'll be gone in a day'
loopstrange: chow chow bites a staff nurse
heywoodpink: who requires a tetanus shot
heywoodpink: we need an ending and also music under the credits and a narrator
heywoodpink: the narrator will be the guy who does the voiceover on Days Of Our Lives
Fergus noodle: ah ha!
heywoodpink: there you are
loopstrange: fergus can help us now!
heywoodpink: right now where was our movie
loopstrange: okay
loopstrange: ...chow chow bites a staff nurse, who then needs a tetanus shot
Fergus noodle: who is chow chow?
Fergus noodle: why don't they have short soup in new zealand?
heywoodpink: and the head transplant can only proceed when she has had her shot
loopstrange: she is swearing like a sailor
loopstrange: and has to be held down by the busker and his sisterFergus noodle: does she wear a bobble hat though?
heywoodpink: yeah she does, under her surgical hat thing
loopstrange: there are not many staff on at the hospital, because it is Shrove Wednesday. The staff who are there are wearing bobble hats to celebrate
Fergus noodle: and they have a pop hit called orange box around my heart
heywoodpink: that can be the music that plays under the credits
loopstrange: the transplant goes smoothly
Fergus noodle: Dr Casinowin has the hots for Dr McSpadgemonkey also i think
heywoodpink: and you can feel the sexual tension as they operate
heywoodpink: the dog doesn't like it
Fergus noodle: they play footsies under the operating table
loopstrange: he gets locked in the hospital caf until he can calm down
loopstrange: (that's chow chow, not Dr. McSpadgemonkey)
Fergus noodle: this is one hot operation
Fergus noodle: Dr Spadgemonkeys lip grows to be the size of the opera house
heywoodpink: the mother adopts chow chow as her companion to ward off the strange neighbour who plays polo and is incessantly inviting her over to observe his collection of cricket bats
loopstrange: but wait, she has to adjust to her new head!
loopstrange: a bobble hat might help
-- rainy (isitagir...), December 26th, 2002.
sorry but it HAD to be done
― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 5 February 2003 22:50 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- KATE (MASONICETC@ETC.ETC.ETC), January 31st, 2003.
(Kate I love you but that was really really funny.)
― nabiscotheque (nabisco), Thursday, 6 February 2003 00:24 (twenty-one years ago) link
She broke up with him after going to meet him on a corner and finding him waiting for her with a David Copperfield-ish leather bomber jacket slung nonchalantly over his shoulder.
-- estela (estelaisale...), February 1st, 2003.
― Genevieve, Thursday, 6 February 2003 00:36 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- Oops (buttch9...), February 5th, 2003.
[now that's good corn]
― Aaron A., Thursday, 6 February 2003 01:10 (twenty-one years ago) link
― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 6 February 2003 01:13 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- Chantelle from the Missy video (sea...), February 6th, 2003.
Will this fiery apocalypse somehow be induced by a frenzy of dance moves? Please say yes. -- mark p (m*****...), February 6th, 2003.
― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 02:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- geeta (geet...), Today 9:47 PM.
― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 6 February 2003 09:52 (twenty-one years ago) link
"Please use clear words?How bout these: go fuck yourself"I don't see that this would have any survival value.
-- Rockist Scientist (rock...), February 6th, 2003. (link)
― RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 6 February 2003 10:01 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- Chris Piuma (chris...), February 6th, 2003 1:24 AM.
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 February 2003 11:49 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 6 February 2003 13:25 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 February 2003 14:22 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 6 February 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:16 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Wintermute (Wintermute), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:18 (twenty-one years ago) link
I keep having psychotic visions of women developing the Keeper so that they could have an even more disgusting way of throwing menses at people. -- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 6th, 2003.
(haha MENSES FIGHT! ew) -- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 6th, 2003.
― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:44 (twenty-one years ago) link
― smee (smee), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:45 (twenty-one years ago) link
― smee (smee), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:46 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 February 2003 15:51 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 6 February 2003 17:45 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 6 February 2003 18:38 (twenty-one years ago) link
--------------------------------
No. -- rolci (rolc...) (webmail), February 6th, 2003 3:48 PM. (link)
― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 6 February 2003 19:00 (twenty-one years ago) link
i didn't say NB shd be shot, i said he shd be set on fire and have his kid taken away!!however it's true, my gung ho attitude to pyromania and child abduction *are* two of the reasons society is so gnarled up today
-- mark s (mar...), February 6th, 2003.''
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 6 February 2003 19:07 (twenty-one years ago) link
I was devastated when Steve Perry left Journey and they broke up. Although it seemed terrific at the time because "Oh Sherry" is fucking fantastic.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), February 6th, 2003.
― Simona (Simona), Thursday, 6 February 2003 19:21 (twenty-one years ago) link
― stupelo, Thursday, 6 February 2003 20:21 (twenty-one years ago) link
I learnt my HTML from :-http://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey/">WebmonkeyI really hope that link works, or I'm gonna look like a right plonk aren't I.
I don't know much about web hosts, I use an expensive one because I need the quality of the server and a proper domain name. There are tonnes of free hosts out there though, just shop around.
-- Fuzzy (fozzi...), Today 4:26 PM.------------------------------------------------------------------------
and it didn't work, oh great
should behttp://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey">http://hotwired.lycos.com/webmonkey
-- Fuzzy (fozzi...), Today 4:28 PM.------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is ILX not working with HTML or something ?!?
-- Fuzzy (fozzi...), Today 4:30 PM.
Graham I have changed my mind - you must keep this bug feature in forever.
― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 6 February 2003 21:00 (twenty-one years ago) link
This may be the greatest response ever.
― A Nairn (moretap), Thursday, 6 February 2003 23:38 (twenty-one years ago) link
A brief history of Time
Runs for cover...
-- Dave B (REMOVETOREPLYdave.boyl...), February 6th, 2003 10:35 PM.
― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 6 February 2003 23:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
it really is. is that funny? -- amanda (cmdrslapp...), Today 3:23 PM.
― smee (smee), Friday, 7 February 2003 15:24 (twenty-one years ago) link
Have you tried whittling it?
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 7th, 2003 12:36 AM.
― RJG (RJG), Friday, 7 February 2003 15:52 (twenty-one years ago) link
!!
― ron (ron), Friday, 7 February 2003 16:32 (twenty-one years ago) link
― smee (smee), Friday, 7 February 2003 16:34 (twenty-one years ago) link
― ron (ron), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:01 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:02 (twenty-one years ago) link
― ron (ron), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:04 (twenty-one years ago) link
-- o. nate (syne_wav...), February 7th, 2003.
― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:06 (twenty-one years ago) link
Nirvana: nevermind. This is great < / sarcasm > haha. A++ in the sense of D --. In fact so D-- it's B!! ;-) A back-in-the-day front-of-the-bus triumph of a disaster. *You'll* "love" it of course (but hey, you KNOW what I think of you...) Pah (as we here at Guilty Pleasure Central say). DO YOU SEE?!!
-- mark s (mar...), February 7th, 2003.
― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Friday, 7 February 2003 17:30 (twenty-one years ago) link