Rolling top 40 discussion thread, nr1.

*clears throat*

Number nine, G4 went in at - any chance of a cover of "Revolution #9" for a follow-up then?

Tony Christie bang in at number one as expected. This week Elvis hits a new low with the frankly undersung "She's Not You" debuting at a mere number three.

Other notable new entries: Gwen Stefani/Eve (4), Dido sorry Jem (6), Basement Jaxx (8), Shapeshifters (10, with thudding inevitability not as good as the last one), Green Day (11), Beverley Shite (16), QOTSA (18), and, ladies and gentlemen, making their UK singles chart debut at number 20...THE MARS VOLTA!

(alas Lady Sovereign stumbles in at a disappointing 73 with "Random")

In the albums chart, the Stereophonics, with thudding inevitability, go straight in at the top, Tony C's greatest back up to 2 (what about that Best of Tony Christie for three quid that's been sitting in the basement of Berwick Street MVE for the last 18 months then?), Teh Bravery in at 5, Moby spearheading the Knack revival at 8, H***n A***r A*l struggles to make number 10. Further down, My Chemical Romance and Brendan Benson debut at 69 and 70 respectively, which presumably indicates the number of copies each sold.

i like the Jem and Knight tracks. guilty pleasures? whatever

i'd suggest a Rolling Top 40 thread instead of starting a new one every week now

But a discussion thread for the weeks chart seems a good idea.

I thought the Jaxx deserved to beat Jem (in realistic terms - they couldn't have topped Eve and her mate) and Sov, Beck and Beverley should have fared way better.

No 73, oh for fuck's fucking sake: I was probably the only person in the entire country to buy it, then. Even 'Hype Hype' managed to get to No 22!

woah woah woah. This is no minor fucking claim here, that was one of the best songs of the 90s. Who / what?

Nah, I bought the other copy. Nicely off the wall newspaper mock-up sleeve.

"The sandcastle virtues are all swept away in the tidal destruction of the moral melee."

"Columnated ruins domino" schmomino!

i can't see what the Bev Knight single has got to do with 'Show Me Love' - totally different songs. edward o mistaken?

Also - Futureheads album out of the top 20 after just one week. In the week when I find that I've booked a club night on the very same night they're playing Leeds. Buggggggger. Though there may still be tickets left for their Sheffield gig, so fingers crossed etc. They may be re-releasing Decent Days & Nights for their next single, despite how the album is riddled with potential smash hits but especially dancefloor-heart-attack-waiting-to-happen 'Carnival Kids'.

As for the singles being released this week, a handy summary can be found here. Have a read, why don't you?

Aha, that makes more sense.

6 Robin S Show Me Love Mar 1993
11 Robin S Luv 4 Luv Jul 1993
9 Robin S Show Me Love (remix) Mar 1997
37 Robin S It Must Be Love Jul 1997

and Robyn (From Sweden):

26 Robyn Do You Know (What It Takes) Aug 1997
8 Robyn Show Me Love Mar 1998
20 Robyn Do You Really Want Me May 1998

Robin S also had a hit album, which charted at #34. Have a guess what the title was...

It was vastly improved on CD:UK after livening it up a bit and getting Spike Jonze (or a lookalike) to b-boy around the stage. Some of the other Guero songs blow this away tho'.

As far as I know, Robyn's KTFB wasn't released outside of Sweden. Popjustice bigged it up a few years back, bemoaning the fact that no record company seemed interested in a UK release. Someone somewhere must have been reading. If only she'd released it directly after "Come As You Are", she probably would have gone top 10.

Barima, which Guero songs should I be hearing if I loved Odelay and Midnite Vultures, but hated Sea Change?

And WBS: the Tyler James single is fantastico - I like it more than "Why Do I Do?" actually.

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00000I5LT.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg

Mario is unspectacularly at #2, Fiddy's at 4, Elvis only gets to #5 this week (and it was 'Return To Sender' an' all), Wusmiff is at #6, The Imbruglinator is #8, The Faders are all over by Christmas at #13, Erasure are #15, and the magical prospect that was BRITISH SEA POWER IN THE TOP 10 FOR FUCK'S SAKES didn't come to pass, though they still got their first top 20 single - #18. Hilariouser still, Kasabian's re-release of 'Club Foot' managed to chart two places lower than it did first time around (#21), while The Subways set about carving their own deeply inconsequential niche at #25. XTM & DJ Chucky Presented Annia again at #28, just as I though I'd wiped the horror that was 'Fly On The Wings Of Love' from my memory forever. Immediately prior was Yet Another Fucking Damien Rice Single. Perhaps it was a good thing I gave this up. The lower end of the 40 was a haven for classic songwriting, in fact, with the Finn Brothers at #32, Bright Eyes and I Am Kloot making their chart bows at #37 and #38 respectively, and Stylus UK Singles Jukebox Grand Champeen Roots Manuva winding it up at #39.

1. Everything Comes At The Right Time
2. Free My Name
3. Wah Wah
4. Drive Away
5. I Love You
6. This Day Should Last Forever
7. Move Things Over
8. Waving Not Drowning
9. God's World
10. Another Time To Stay
11. Have You Got The Right
12. Start Of The Day
13. My Time

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the return of Mr Simon Fowler and his Ocean Colour Scene, entitled A Hyperactive Workout For The Flying Squad.

I've this weird feeling that I really want to hear it, y'know...

Mozzer's live versions of 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' and 'Redondo Beach' are YOUR number eleven(s), closely followed by Studio B at #12. No new entries till #23, which is the fourth single off Avwiw's album living up to expectations - song's quite good, the video's just very, very disturbing. The Dead 60's get their second piece of top 40 action at #24 (has anyone heard this one? 'Riot Radio' was quite good... I could probably have done with putting it in the jukebox anyhow), and Twista gets his Jesus on at #25. The Arcade Fire provide more stuff for JK & Joel to talk all over ("DURR! HE CAN'T SING! DURR!") at #30, but get the consolation of out-charting fellow Canadian Michael Buble (#31). Estelle is probably OK to start work on some new stuff now (#32), while Do Me Bad Things come to a screeching halt at #33. Yeti are #36, Hanson #39, and Bullet For My Valentine are in the vanguard OF YORRR HARRRTTT at #40.

Tony continues to top the album chart. New Order are #5, Wusmiff #15, Damien Rice is in the top 20 YET A-FUCKING-GAIN, Brandy's best of (you're apathetic towards more of her songs than you think you are!) is #24 and John Legend As Seen On The Hit ITV Show Parkinson is #32.

Would you settle for "I Did What I Did For Maria" which is something like 84 times better than "Amarillo"?

"Negotiate With Love" at #10 is something of a triumph, really. Without a high powered name behind it (Rachel Stevens is enough of a drawcard, I mean, "More More More" made #3, remember), this would have been another "Chewing Gum"/"Looking For A Place" chart travesty.

Discussing that particular single, someone said to me "Sounds like another Number 2!". Ho, what a pity.

See, JK/Joel? You can, if you try.

Time for pillorying. I really like the Mel Blatt single. First listen - er, go away. Fifth listen, the same burrowing, hypnotic hooks that were all through something like "Overrated" by Siobhan Donaghy.

New entries for Natasha Bedingfield ("I Bruise Easily", #12), Feeder ("Our Drummer's Still Dead", #13), Kelis ft Nas ("In Public", #17), The Bees, The Others, and The Departure bring the pain between 28 and 30, and Sir Elton is at #32. The longest running single on the charts is J-Lo (8 weeks).

Natalie Imbruglia debuts at #1 in the album charts, Mariah Carey at #7, British Sea Power will never record another "Remember Me" at #13, with Morrissey's live album at #18.

How did that happen? No-one else got albums out?

The top two singles both mention churches.

1) When did that last happen?
2) How long till a christian webste mentions this? (ILX doesn't count)

ha ha, is this the one with 'Smoke' on it?

Actually, fair enough, if the DVD version is a 'whole thing' and no "oh look, a car" bit...

Apparently downloads are going to be incorporated into the singles chart from this week. I guess that will introduce more movement into the charts.

I predict less movement, not more. The download chart is noticeably less volatile.

Plus point: some newer hits will chart, e.g. Snoop & Justin who are already available for download but not on CD.

Minus point: it will weight things more to undemanding acts with wider generational appeal. Acts like the Sterephonics and Maroon 5 will probably hang around for many weeks.

Albumtastically speaking, Basement Jaxx are #1. New entries are Garbage (#4), Shakin' Stevens (#6), A-Ha's 'Definitive Singles Collection' (#14), Mel C (#24) and Olivia Newton-John (#27).

HISTORIC.

I bought that Shakin' Stevens compilation last week so it's all my fault...

The Gorillaz only have the HISTORIC FIRST EVER SINGLE TO GET IN ON DOWNLOAD SALES because they exploited a loophole and issued 300 white labels last Monday, thus circumnavigating the idiotic rule which says that if you can't buy it in the shops as a physical single-shaped object, then it doesn't count. (The actual release date for the physical single-shaped object isn't until May 9th.)

The same idiotic rule means that two singles in last week's download-only Top 20 disappear from the new combined chart altogther: Snoop & Justin's "Signs" and The Caesars "Jerk It Out" (released today). But they're already hits! All over TV and radio, whistled on the streets etc etc. With a bit of luck, more Gorillaz-style loophole exploitation will render this rule inoperable before too long.

Several older singles have been kept significantly higher in the combined chart because of continued downloading by what I take to be the Trendy Dad demographic. (Market research info available: none. It's a hunch.) Basement Jaxx "Oh My Gosh" would have been at 45, but is now at 27. Stereophonics "Dakota" would have been at 46, but is now at 34. Other beneficiaries: Gwen Stefani, Studio B, Natalie Imbruglia, Jem, Phantom Planet. There are also re-entries between #40 and #75 for Kaiser Chiefs, The Bravery, Chemical Brothers "Galvanize", U2 "Sometimes...", Eminem "Like Toy Soldiers", Snoop/Pharrell and Athlete "Wires".

"In response to the anguished mails I've received during the week, all I can say is that this is really not much of a surprise. Despite the new digital age, the charts are still reliant on the co-operation of the major high street retailers for much of their data - the same high street retailers who are scared stiff that online stores are killing off their trade for good. The OCC were therefore unlikely to embrace totally the concept of singles that cannot be bought in the shops, at least not just yet."

The album chart finds itself topped by Akon, somehow.

(William: you should have mail, but I've had to take potshots at your Gmail address.)

also: British public please fuck off and die.

Did anyone notice that 'My Friend Dario' didn't make the top 40 when it was released? Bastards. Like, fine, buy the fucking Bodyrockers for your dance kicks, wallow in mediocrity, see if I care any more.

Arular is not in the popcharts.

oh christ I hope not! oh I can't bear this.

I have just had a vision of the MIA debate still going strong in September. Gah!

Then again, the following albums re-entered:
28 - Nevermind
42 - Grace
49. Blue Lines
54. OK Computer

Say, people hear "Velouria" on an advert. Now, the single may not exactly be in the shop, but it could well still be on 4AD's 'singles available' list. Anyway, loads of bods say "Oh that's a cool track, I'm off to Napster or something to pay for a download". Does this qualify for the chart?

she'll probably start dressing up like a Geisha just to rub salt into the open wounds...

Tony and Elvis at the top really does seem to empthasise where the chart is going - more oldies, more repeats, the culmination of post millennial creative devolution vis a vis mass media/market appeal.

What if the trend continues and they re-release all the Beatles singles in a year or two?

I fear Vitalic is like Annie in that he suffers in the UK market what with being European AND 'serious pop'.

yes but i'm interested in why that would be given they represent 'good pop' and 'good dance music' so well and both of those things have always been popular here. granted 'My Friend Dario' is quite hard sounding, but any more than 'Pow' or 'I Luv U' were?

Vitalic would've made for a fun interview on Popworld...

The MIA album did not make the Top 75 album chart.

Coldplay lead the download charts. Bother'd.

Albums: Broooce is at number one, which means he's now has as many number one albums in this decade as he did in the 80s. Gwen spends her 23rd week on the charts rising 7 to #8, STYLUS ALBUM OF THE WEEK "Blinking Lights and Other Revelations" by Eels is at #16, Mis-Teeq's ill-advised Greatest Hits #28, Hal 31 and Hot Hot Heat #34. Re-entries for KT Tunstall and Lucie Silvas, and, arguably, The Ceasars (#40).

sub-question: Is it a warning?

Coldplay will be involved in the biggest #1 battle of the year so far in three weeks time. 'Speed Of Sound' vs. 'One Thing'. That is when things start getting interesting again.

Or rather, Akon's knocked 'Amarillo' off the top spot. He tops the album chart too, which makes him the new Men At Work, or something. Eminem's utterly justifiably at #4, 'Beverley Hills' is completely deserving of being Weezer's first ever top ten single at #9, Li'l Jon is #10, The Killers are #11 and Faith Evans is #12, pretty much because someone had to be. Maxiiiimo Park (I can't work out how to do that umlaut thing) AREN'T QUITE AS BIG AS THE FUTUREHEADS YET, MILADDO at #15, and the Chemical Brothers are #18. Freefaller say goodbye with 'Good Enough For You' at #21, Dogs are #29, Idlewild are #32, Duke Spirit #33, A ARE BACK and they're #35, El Presidente are #37, and some format iffiness is THE ONLY CONCEIVABLE REASON that Lucie Silvas is only at #38.

In the world of the long-player, the Lonely man is king. Nine Inch Nails are #3, Robert Plant is #4, and the new Cream (Bearded Version) compilation is #6. The score to Revenge Of The Sith is #16, and oh look, Ryan Adams is #20. Good for him. Amerie's album debuts at 32, and James Blunt is #34. Ideally, the fact that he's named his album 'Back To Bedlam' is referencing Gallon Drunk, but I somehow doubt it.

Lucie Silvas at #38? Really? Shocked. Really. And where are Art Brut? The curse of the Stylus UK Singles Jukebox strikes AGAIN...

i don't even know if you are being sarcastic anymore but these are both the worst singles of both these artists' careers so far aren't they?

i feel like such a curmudgeonly rockist for hating on Akon but...no, it's just really fucking awful shit. why do people like helium-fed crooning so much? and if this is true why didn't Happy Hardcore take over the world? (i've been carping about this for ten years now so pay no mind). The next worst thing in the chart would be that appalling Bodyrockers song.

meanwhile staying on the subject of THEIR WORST SINGLE EVER, in a few weeks both Timo Maas and the Audio Bullys both release their own WORST SINGLE EVER.

..(won't it?)

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

well done Lil Jon! I didn't expect such a good showing.

But it could equally be argued that "Ballerina Girl" was not as good as "Dancing On The Ceiling."

It's all relative.

It did, it's no-one's noticed yet.

(This is a serious proposition by the way!)

Bono casts off his facade and stands revealed as Darth Hideous, last of the Sith and conqueror of the universe.

Ha-what carrr, what currrb, what gurrrl, what tree etc. - #12, one ahead of KT Tunstall who for sake of irony appears to be signed to Relentless ('Black Horse And The Cherry Tree' was very good, but this... urgh).

Doves are #17, Praise Cats take 'Theme From ITV Nightscreen' to #24, and, for the second year running, the Futureheads enter at #26 with 'Decent Days & Nights' as 'Carnival Kids' silently curses on the sidelines.

Anyway, remember The Stands? They're #28, two spots ahead of Ludacris, whose UK team can console themselves with the fact that this still probably makes him more popular than Chingy. Rounding out the new entries at #34 is Juliette F'IN RAWWWWK GRRRR BAY-BEH Lewis and The Licks.

New album chart number one, though... oh hang on, it's Steve Brookstein. His next single's a cover of 'Dance With My Father' and if I ever have to hear it I can make no guarantee of the consequences. Climbers run riot in the top ten - Stefani, Athlete, Kaisers, Fiddy and Tunstall all make ascents at the expense of Springsteen, Christie, Shaky and Reznor LOOK IT'S LIKE A POP VERSION OF LOGAN'S RUN or something. Weezer are new at 11 (their highest album chart position ever, previous peak being #16 for... Maladroit. Hmm), Morcheeba are #17, Teenage Fanclub soldier on at #34 and Mylo's album surprisingly pops into the top 40 for the first time at #39.

Next week - Amerie vs. Coldplay. Ooooh.

Gadjo are #22, and Turin Brakes HAVE FAILED at #32. YEeeees. Hot Hot Heat are #36, Stonebridge and Ultra Nate are #37, and Ian McNabb completes the set 1t #38.

ALL-NEW TOP THREE IN THE ALBUMS!

#3 - VAN MORRISON!

#2 - SYSTEM OF A DOWN!

#1... Faithless. Oh.

"Elvis By The Presleys" is your confusingly titled #13, and Maximo Park come a respectable 15th. Faith Evans is #23, My Chemical Romance's slow and irksome ascent continues at #35, and dipping under the tape at #40 - The Duke Spirit.

the 31-40 slots feature Nine Black Alps at #31, British Sea Power's best ever chance of an actual top 10 single at #34, and, at #40, keeping not only Daniel Bedingfield but also The Bravery out of the top 40, it's... SONS AND DAUGHTERS! Yissss. I might buy the album to celebrate, 'cept it's not out till next week. But still. Eat that, quiffo.

The albums chart sees everyone getting toasted under The Gorilla(z). Coral #3, Audioslave #5, and in between them is the ever inexorable climb of James bloody Blunt. John Legend re-enters the chart at #32, Alkaline Trio are new at #34, Common is #38, and in the Duke Spirit Slot, it's the Belle & Sebastian EP collection.

Woysis are the new #1 album, B-E-P #4, Turin Brakes #9, Rob Thomas #11. The Beach Boys 'Platinum Collection' is #30, and in the Duke Spirit Slot, Keith Urban.

the 31-40 slots feature Nine Black Alps at #31, British Sea Power's best ever chance of an actual top 10 single at #34, and, at #40, keeping not only Daniel Bedingfield but also The Bravery out of the top 40, it's... SONS AND DAUGHTERS!

Haha, I've only just noticed this! Superb. The failure of the dullards, rather than 9 Black Alps doing well.

I haven't been studying this closely but I'm sure someone has.

1 Frankie Goes To Hollywood Two Tribes
2 Nik Kershaw I Won't Let The Sun Go Down On Me
3 Wham! Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
4 Bronski Beat Smalltown Boy
5 Frankie Goes To Hollywood Relax
6 Michael Jackson Farewell My Summer Love
7 Elton John Sad Songs (Say So Much)
8 Spandau Ballet Only When You Leave
9 Pointer Sisters Jump (For My Love)
10 Evelyn Thomas High Energy
11 Sister Sledge Thinking Of You
12 Art Company Susanna
13 Howard Jones Pearl In The Shell
14 Ollie & Jerry Breakin'... There's No Stoppin' Us
15 Grandmaster & Melle Mel White Lines (Don't Don't Do It)
16 Smiths Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now
17 Cyndi Lauper Time After Time
18 Ultravox Dancing With Tears In My Eyes
19 Change Change Of Heart
20 Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark Talking Loud And Clear
21 Hazell Dean Searchin' (I Gotta Find A Man)
22 Ozzy Osbourne So Tired
23 Deniece Williams Let's Hear It For The Boy
24 Scritti Politti Absolute
25 Style Council Groovin' E.P. (You're The Best Thing/Big Boss Groove)
26 Alvin Stardust I Feel Like Buddy Holly
27 Lionel Richie Stuck On You
28 Elvis Costello & The Attractions I Wanna Be Loved/Turning The Town Red
29 Madness One Better Day
30 Duran Duran The Reflex
31 Rod Stewart Infatuation
32 Lloyd Cole & The Commotions Perfect Skin
33 Nick Heyward Love All Day
34 Bananarama Rough Justice
35 Gary Glitter Dance Me Up
36 Queen I Want To Break Free
37 Alison Moyet Love Resurrection
38 Human League Life On Your Own
39 Billy Joel Goodnight Saigon/Leave A Tender Moment Alone
40 Pointer Sisters Automatic

I bought a couple of Record Mirrors from 88/89 the other day via eBay. This time 18 years ago you'd have only one new entry in the top 20.

1) Crazy Frog - Axel F
2) Akon - Lonely
3) Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.
4) Foo Fighters - Best Of You*
5) Amerie - One Thing
6) Black Eyed Peas - Don't Phunk With My Heart
7) Coldplay - Speed Of Sound
8) Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl
9) White Stripes - Blue Orchid*
10) Audio Bullys - Shot You Down
11) Tony Christie - (Is This The Way To) Amarillo
12) James Blunt - You're Beautiful*
13) The Game ft. 50 Cent - Hate It Or Love It
14) Oasis - Lyla
15) Funeral For A Friend - Streetcar*
16) Bodyrockers - I Like The Way
17) Snoop Dogg - Signs
18) Ben Adams - Sorry
19) Will Smith - Switch
20) Jennifer Lopez - Hold You Down
21) Max Graham vs. Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart
22) Geri Halliwell - Desire*
23) Rob Thomas - Lonely No More
24) The Coral - In The Morning
25) Kaiser Chiefs - Everyday I Love You Less And Less
26) Eminem - Mockingbird
27) The Noise Next Door - She Might*
28) Embrace - Glorious Day*
29) Mylo - In My Arms
30) Kelly Osbourne - One Word
31) My Chemical Romance - Helena
32) Groove Coverage - Poison*
33) Magic Numbers - Forever Lost
34) 50 Cent - Candy Shop
35) Destiny's Child - Girl
36) KT Tunstall - Other Side Of The World
37) Mario - Let Me Love You
38) Ciara - 1 2 Step
39) Stevie Wonder - So What The Fuss
40) Studio B - I See Girls

Now, I've no idea who Art Company are, but I'd reckon they're a damn sight better than this week's #12.

So far, it's a draw.

Number of singles in the 1984 Top 40 which I LOVE: 12.
Number of singles in the 2005 Top 40 which I LOVE: 7.

Ah.

In the album chart, Coldplay's third album Be Here Now debuts comfortably at 1, having flogged 464,000 copies to get there, thus demoting Oasis to 2. Back catalogue returns to positions 19 (Parachutes) and 23 (Rush Of Blood) thanks to Tescos special offers. The White Stripes' not-all-that-bad-actually new album goes in at 3. Yet another ELO comp enters at 11. The Tears only managed 15 (and deserved better). The Kraftwerk live double crawls in at 28. Roll Deep roll in at 50. Sons & Daughters at 70.

But who are Avenged Sevenfold, who enter at 63 with City of Evil?

(i am not joking)

a decent-ish release schedule is here. What I want is a list like that but for EVERY single each week, with a 30 second audio clip of EVERY single on the list. I may well try and set this up myself.

OMG, i just saw on that list stevem linked to that coming next week is:
2 Pac ft. Elton John - 'Ghetto Gospel'
>8-O

Album wise everything continues to come up Coldplay. Foo Fighters #2, Magic Numbers #7 (is it worth getting?), the reissue of Jeff Wayne's 'War Of The Worlds' gets to #8. I somehow suspect that didn't get played on the top 40 programme. Backstreet Boys #11, Funeral For A Friend #12, UB40 #20, a Rory Gallagher collection is #31 and Ry Cooder is the lowest new entry at #35. In The Duke Spirit Slot, Scissor Sisters.

OOLAAAAAA!

The Saint Etienne album is perhaps worth buying ahead of anything else released so far this year and its abysmal chart performance speaks volumes for the kind of year 2005 has been.

Nope. Warm Jets made #26 in March '73; Life In The Bush Of Ghosts #29 in Feb '81.

Anyway, the big story this week is that Tupac Amaru Shakur follows in the footsteps of Jim Reeves and Enya by having a post-humour number one, as him and Elton John's run through of "Ghetto Gospel" displaces Chris Martin Hates Crazy Frog at the top of the charts. I'm so glad Biggie was a very ugly man, or else he might have been subject to this treatment as well.

"You're Beautiful" by James Blunt, the only single ever where the chart placings are more interesting than the actual song is at #3, and so probably won't make it to the top. Bobby Valentino was both a) the name of the guy that played fiddle on the Bluebells "Young At Heart" and b) an upcoming R&B sensation who is at #4. MVP "rock" your "body" at #5, with Missy being at #7. HOT NEW GUITAR ACT Hard-Fi have the worst fucking name ever and a #9 single, one place ahead of HE'S BEEN SHOT 74 TIMES.

Stereophonics continue the great tradition of brilliant songs called "Superman" at #13, Bizarre charts with what must be one of the five worst singles of the year so far at #17, The Subways new single "Would You Like That As A Meal Deal" is #22, and Damien Rice, the original James Blunt, is #24.

Erasure are still old and half gay at #25, and Gavin De Graw is at #38 and probably won't bother coming over here to promote anything then.

Missing the top 40 this week: Be Your Own Pet, the rerelease of "Come Up And See Me (Make Me Smile)", Ladytron, Tom Vek, and MIA.

Albumswise, Coldplay stay at #1, with Jamiroquai new in at #3. I refuse to believe anyone still cares about Jamiroquai in 2005. A Sam Cooke best of is at #26, with "Elvis - 30 Number 1 Hits" in the Duke Spirit slot.

Have you noticed how that in the "WG Grace rises from the grave and talks a load of shit about cricket" advert, the girl standing in front of him is wearing a Rammstein tee-shirt? Rammstein, those well known supporters of British cricket.

I didn't realise Hard-Fi were this popular. Top ten?! This saddens me.

I doubt TOTP will even play the Missy video for longer than 20 seconds.

Coldplay still number one. Lots of albums climb post-Glastonbury (all the ones you'd expect), with the bizarre exception of The Magic Numbers who fall out of the top ten for the first time at #25. One new entry - Kano is #36. The Duke Spirit Slot - 'Compact Snap' by Jam. I know it not.

Kelly "Kinda funny looking" Clarkson rocks them up at #5, Kanye is still rubbish at #8, and Rachel Stevens must be suspecting that her record label are searching through their Rolodex for Hannah's home phone number at #10.

Joss Stone asks us if we want to ride her puppyfat jailbait manfaced body at #20, Razorlight rerelease "Somewhere Else" to get at #30 (note to indie bands: please stop rereleasing your early singles because you're too fucking lazy to record a new album. kthx), Joey Crack and Nelly... Nelly make #34, Britain doesn't care about Brooke Valentine at #35, Live8 sees both U2 and Snoop make re-entries with MP3 sales at #37 and #39, and Daft Punk are at #40 for no real reason whatsoever.

17 weeks on the chart for "Is This The Way To Amarillo?", but even more impressively is the 16th week for "Switch".

Album charts, James Blunt reascends to #1 on account of being plastered on every fucking bus in Leeds, Hard-Fi debut their GRITTY URBAN REALISM at #6, Royksopp are at #13, The Offspring's greatest hits is #14, and Pink Floyd re-enter thanks to Live 8 at #19. R Kelly #23, and more Live 8 re-entry fun for the Scissor Sisters at #25.

The Subways, who were meant to be big a few months ago, stubmle to #32 with their album, and Missy debuts at #33. Joss Stone #37, a Sam Cooke best of at #38, and the Duke Spirit slot for this week is filled by Fiddy Sen.

Those failing to make the top 40 this week include Beck, Brendan Benson, Cookie, and The Mystery Jets.

ah ah James Blouse. I crease myself up, I really do.

Blunt also mercilessly crushes the album chart in a slightly limp manner. The Church isn't as good as she's meant to be at #5, and The Very Best Of The Gipsy Kings is #32. Missy's in the Duke Spirit slot.

That's what Google gives me, I have no desire to visit their site to find out more.

After 13 weeks The Bodyrockers finally leave the top 20 (#23), which is 12 weeks more than Elton managed (#22). Oh, and Mario's second single is #24, and has apparently been around for 4 weeks. How?

Most hilarious new entry - the Olympic Spirit propels Heather Small's 'Proud' to the giddy heights of #33, three places ahead of InMe, who appear not to have gone away. Bollocks. In what I've decided to call the Sons & Daughters slot, 'Somewhere Else' re-enters for the second time.

Blunty's still topping the albums too, this week holding off a challenge from The Essential Michael Jackson (#2), while Our Kelly's new at #10. I am tempted to get that, akcherley, cos Behind These Hazel Eyes is rather boss too. 'Encore' re-enters at 29, just ahead of Queen Live At Wembley Stadium '86. Stephen Fretwell gets his first taste of RED HOT TOP 40 ACTION at #34, and the Game re-enters at #39. This week's Duke Spirit Slot is filled by Pink Floyd's best of.

I quite like that MVP song in that it's a 57th-rate 'Pon De Replay' but I may as well enjoy having it around until PDR actually gets released.

16-y-o me was a bit of a tosser, though.

Martin Solveig is inevitably #22, Imbruglia is unremarkably #23, and Tony Christie finds himself at #26 with 'Avenues & Alleyways'. Deserved rather a bit more, unlike El Presidente (#30), Lucie Silvas (#34) and Madness (#38). After 19 weeks, 'Switch' is in the Sons & Daughters Slot.

In the albums, Blunt is still Men At Work. Crazy Frog is #5, seven ahead of the acoustic re-drubbing of Jagged Little Pill, and eight ahead of Editors. Jem is in the Duke Spirit Slot.

Worst top 4 EVER, surely?

Moment of silence for MVP leaving the top ten (#11).

And on that topic - which'll leave the top 20 first, the Frog (#13) or the Gorillaz (#17)? Seems straightforward - but the Gorillaz have been around for 17 weeks now. Hmm.

Lemar's our next new entry at #21, and a cursory glance to #23 -

actually, that would involve ignoring Fading Like A Flower being at #22, which would be bad and wrong, wouldn't it? EVERYTIME I! EVERYTIME I! EVERYTIME I! EVERYTIME I! Oh I try! To! Hideaway! But when we meet it seems I Can't! Let! Go! (Can'tletgo!)

- but yes, #23 and the Bodyrockers have climbed back up two spots, presumably off the back of being for the music for The Least Comprehensible Advert Of All Time, i.e. the one with Fran Cosgrave clicking his fingers and sounding like a big Oirish Perrrrve. This is worrying.

The Rakes! Hooray for the Rakes, they're #28, while at #31 are Kaiser Chiefs, with a re-entry for 'I Predict A Riot'. The thing is is that I don't think the official re-release of their single has actually happened yet, so presumably it's re-entered on downloads alone. Which could well mean they might be doing very, very well in the very, very near future.

Our final new entry are Morning Runner, passing into the annals of history at #39. Foo Fighters are in the Sons & Daughters slot.

Albums sees another week for Bluntuss. Lee Ryan is the highest new entry at #6. Madness stick one boot into the past at #11, and the best of Kirsty MacColl is #17. Not the same as the 3-CD thing, of course, but available in more supermarkets, much like the greatest hits of Chris Rea (#24), but perhaps not the Public Enemy album at #39. Imbroogleer (#32) and Madge Peyroux (#28) ride back into the top 40, and John Legend As Seen On Parkinson is in the Duke Spirit slot.

(Is it out *now*?)

James "fucking" Blunt is still at number one, it's been a bad day, please don't take a picture of his ugly fucking mug Daniel Powter at #2, and just to really rub things in, Craig David enters at #3.

ILM consensus in "not having any impact on the real world" non-shocker as Goldfrapp debut at #4, one place ahead of that Akon cat.

Future heart-failure victims The Magic Numbers take a break putting Mr Ginster's children through university at #12, and Mattafix stake out an early claim for next year's Mercury Music Prize nominee list at #15. Axwell is some dance thing, I suppose, at #16.

Supergrass continue to "mature" at #22, Long-View's rerelease of "Further" only gets them to #24, and Nine Black Alps obviously aren't the next big thing at #30. Similarly, a £3 million dollar deal only getting her to #33, Lady Sovereign reveals herself to be the Seth Johnson of grime.

Frankie J is at #38, nobody could possibly care about this.

Album charts, twat bollocks is at #1, with his old mucker Powter debuting at #5. Lulu's efforts in losing all that cholesterol make her a perfect candidate for #29, and Longview (#32) and Ciara (#37) both see re-entries.

I predict "two" responses.

And oddly enough, Sons and Daughters have another single out next week which has a half-decent chance of charting...

They are the Ikea of muzak.

you're joking

(Positive, for once, it was "Think Twice")

two women from Austria came into CD City yesterday (a shop which specialises in reggae, hip hop and R&B releases please note) and asked for - and received - the Blunt album. Hell knows how many units it's shifting in the chain stores.

Not that this week ain't busy - new entries at 4, 5 and 6 for Pete Doherty And The Baby Shambles, Iron Maiden and British Whale. The continuing singles chart frustration of Justin Hawkins by songs that you know he hates is a thing of much beauty.

Jamiroquai are #14, and God shuffled his feet. "Black Rebel Motorcycle Club drag folk-rock kicking and screaming into the 21st century in one of the most surprising comebacks this year" at, er, #21, and Super Furry Animals ARE NOT AS RUBBISH AS YOU BASTARDS KEEP MAKING THEM OUT TO BE, IT'S NOT ICE HOCKEY HAIR, NO, BUT WHAT IS, EH, EH, YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING WANKERS, "UH UH BLEEPY NOISE" FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON at #28. Then again, I can't actually remember how it goes. But, y'know. It can't have been worse than 'Hello Sunshine'.

The remaining new entries are Lil' Love at #34 (me either, but it's on Positiva, so I could probably guess), and Snoop Dogg Gets That Fourth Single Feeling at #36. In the week that Sons & Daughters put out 'Taste The Last Girl', they might be annoyed to find their slot being filled by bloody Longview.

Blunt still rules the albums with a mushy fist, however. Madeleine Peyroux makes her much-threatened top 10 debut at #7 and decides to celebrate by cutting off all contact with her record label. I think I love her. Supergrass sidle up to #9, The Shadows' 'Platinum Collection' (does that actually mean anything?) is #30, and The Rakes are #32. In The Duke Spirit Slot, the Imbrugleriser.

KIDS SAY NO TO POPISM Conor McNicholas writes

Second best: Richard Hawley, but that may not be out, even though it's on the jukebox and such this week.

Haha at Tyler James.

Britain doesn't like black women enough for me.

Richard Borely more like.

(xp)

HATER.

(It's also fun to say "schni schna schnappi", the words feel and sound good in the mouth. So - infantile yes, ironic no.)

aha xpost!

Heared it enough in Spain. It's not too shabby anyway.

(where 'today' = Monday, obv.)

WHAT the FUCK!?!??!

If I can think of something interesting to go with this in the next week I can post it on Blog 7 maybe.

Sometimes they are, I know I have done in the past. The pleasure in doing it is entirely genuine however.

i like the feeling that it comes across as a C86 take on the birdie song template.

Crap Hat holds onto #3 ahead of Simon From Blue and his synchronised swaying, with Blunt dropping to five. The Black Eyed Peas are #6 somehow, while 'Long Hot Summer' is the least successful Girls Aloud single ever at seven. McFly themselves slump to #8, ahead of the Kaisers at #9 and The White Stripes at #10. Anonymous Dance Hit Of The Summer is The Freemasons ft. Amanda Wilson at #11, one ahead of The Second Coming Of The Frog. The truly god-fucking-awful Rolling Stones single is your #15 (no, no, really, please, stop, NOW), the odds on there being a third Amerie single... actually, no, if John Legend can have one than anybody can. She's #19, one ahead of Mint Royale's 'Now That's What I Call Altogether Somewhat Unnecessary'. The only other new entry is the Cribs at #39, with the Audio Bullys in the Sons & Daughters slot.

In the albugasm, Blunt keeps Frapp off top. Cray Day Vay is #5, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club put the 'folk' in 'FOLK YEAH!' at #14, and the Furries set up shop with minimal fuss at #19. The no-longer-vanished Maddy P slips back to 10, with Razorlight in The Duke Spirit Slot.

Man, I just do not understand the lacklustre response that "Long Hot Summer"'s gotten.

(the same with "1 Thing" - too artful, too rhythmically cunning - whereas Rihanna's rather dull Lumidee retread crashes cheerfully into second position?)

Meanwhile, Why do I loathe Crazy Frog but LOVE L.O.C.'s hilarious 'Ring Ding Ding'?

When is the latter released, assuming it hasn't been already?

And then there's Gwen at eleven, Stypod-approved KT Tunstall is #12 forever and ever and ever, and Paul McCartney winds up at #20 and nobody really minds very much. Further evidence of the power of inevitability finds Elbow at 22 and My Chemical Romance at 27, with 'Big Ang ft. Siobhan' at 29. They're on All Around The World. I think you might be able to guess the rest. R Kelly really should have put out Trapped In The Closet at #33, and Funeral For A Friend have that second-single-of-a-second-album feeling at #36. The Sons & Daughters Slot is thankfully occupied by 'Ass Like That', and hopefully that'll be the last of it.

In the albums, Blunt is finally felled, and falls to #3, because the top two slots now belong to McFly and Kanye West. Eric Clapton (about whom I have suddenly thought "He really ought to get a blog" and I cannot explain why) is #19, with Iron Maiden at #22 and Rihanna at #35. Ciara is in the Duke Spirit Slot.

hahahaha!!

Still, very nice to see Shaun Ryder finally getting a number one. Did he turn up on TOTP?

I assume it's the video on the TOTP.

Tee-hee.

GLC start to fade away at fourteen, Faithless' not-dreadful re-kicking of Insomnia is 17, and The Arcade Fire quite improbably crack the top twenty at 19, one ahead of Ian Brown. Both of them are on TOTP in a minute. Blimey. Supafly vs. Fishbowl vs. #22, A Foo Fighters Single at #25, ten places ahead of The Transplants, who automatically become the least-likely two-hit wonders ever (if Marcello hasn't disproved this by teatime tomorrow I shall be most grievously disheartened). The Sons & Daughters Slot sees the Bodyrockers in the final throes.

Blunt clambers back to the head of the long-players, just beating the Stones by a nose. JACK FUCKING JOHNSON IS NUMBER FUCKING TEN FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF. The Mercury Music Prize propels Antony & The Johnsons into the chart for the first time at #16, the OST of Scorsese's Dylan documentary is 21, and Michael Jackson's occupying the Duke Spirit slot.

Really it's time for record sales from all sources to be included, not just those from Woolworth's and supermarkets which I understand currently constitute something like 80% of chart return shops.

Nice, however, to see Richard Hawley in there, even if it is only at #55 - a great album which deserves to be a number one.

22 Cake The Distance Mar 1997
29 Cake I Will Survive May 1997

20 Focus Hocus Pocus Jan 1973
4 Focus Sylvia Jan 1973

i.e. two hits at the same time, and then none again, ever.

Prior to Mercury, Antony's album had sold about 500 copies in total. Since Mercury, sales went up by over 900%.

I think he sounds like Aaron Neville but that's me for you.

(q.v. timing = presumably as I'm including out the cds sold after the noms were announced)

Noms were announced, what, 2 months ago? Presumably they had 2 months before that to check the entries and pick ten (or however many),

or when you say 'no' are you agreeing with me? I'm lost now.

the sales figures for m.i.a. are even lower - probably corresponding with its current chart position in amazon.

Also, back to ant, my prospect scenario was:

Prev to noms, ant sells 200 or so
After noms, sells 300 maybe, so a sales increase.
After win, sales increase number two, bigger and better.

And what better way to kick it off with Pussycat Dolls and their airbrushed stomachs retaining the number one position. That new Busta Rhymes single with Dead ODB is really good though, so you can probably forgive this.

Seanie Parrrl is burnin' at #2, and Bon Jovi entertain menopausal women at #6. Rub your eyes in disbelief, as Mobb Deep are at #7 (admittedly only as 50 Cent's shoeshine boys), and HIM bring their own inimitable brand of cartoon Goth to #10. Status Quo release one of the singles of the year at #11.

Jamesy P is doing it all for the nookie at #14, Jem probably isn't the new Dido at #24, and Kano probably is the new Taz at #25. Pretty Ricky has a stupid name at #26, 50 Cent makes a second appearance with his old mucker Tony Yayo at #28, and The Subways (insert sandwich gag here) at #29. The Dead 60s have a dreadful name at #30, and Ciara ft Ludacris are in the Duke Spirit slot.

Album wise, David Gray enters straight in at #1 and we can probably look forward to that being number one until Franz release in a month's time, with Pussycat Dolls being here "for the duration" as their album goes to #8. Paul McCartney Releases His Best Album In Years at #10, but no airbrushed stomach = no extra sales.

Elbow lead the free world, assuming the free world consists solely of derivative nindie shite at '#12, Sigur Ros get ready to be talked about by "knowledgeable" "music" "fan" "students" during Freshers' Week at #16, and don't you forget about Simple Minds at #37. Antony and the Johnsons are still top 20, and note the 43rd week on the charts for Gwen Stephanie.

In the album chart, David Gray is top for a second week, beating off envelope-pushing shock-of-the-new challenges from fresh new talents Bon Jovi at 2 and Streisand & Gibb at 3. Ian Brown's rather wonderful compilation The Greatest comes in at 5. Daniel O'Donnell's rather sub-wonderful Teenage Dreams enters at 10. Queen & Paul Rodgers' Return Of The Champions makes a somewhat less than spectacular return at 12. Goldie Lookin Chain exhaust their one gag at 16. Quo party at 18. The HMV sale means the usual suspects clog up the mid-riff (Stone Roses 19, Tracy Chapman 21) but fairly steep descents for Macca (10 to 34) and Sigur Ros (16 to 50). Devendra Banhart enters at 69 but of the splendid new Broadcast album there is no sign.

Possibly Broadcast's fourth top 130 albumchart SMASH too, assuming it made it that high. Their first two albums came within hair's breadth of charting in the top 75, the last one didn't, so much. It's a disappointing state of affairs.

There should be a minor street party the day Ladytron actually have One Hit Single.

The Gary Barlow of S Club debuts at an unlucky 13 with the perhaps presciently-titled "What Hurts The Most" (those high notes by the sound of it). Paul Weller lopes in at 15 with "Come On Let's Go," which isn't the Ritchie Valens oldie, then it's: New Order (21), Bedouin Soundclash (24), Ms Dynamite (25 - tee-hee, as it were), Editors (27), Nickelback (29, with the song "Photograph" - not really fit to cohabit in the same cosmos as the similarly-named Ringo Starr and Def Leppard songs), B Jaxx (32), the rather excellent XPress-2/Kurt Wagner collaboration at 33 (yet Nickelback got on TOTP and Lambchop didn't), Andy Bell (35) and Bobby Valentino (38).

New entries of note outside the 40: Missy (47), Royksopp (55), Art Brut (56), LCD (59), Go! Team (64 - shame!), Sebastian Tellier (!) (66), King Biscuit Time (!!) (67), and, be very afraid, "High" by James Blunt on downloads alone (74).

On the album front, Kate E Mellower is dragged predictably straight into the number one slot (that video really is creepy, as is the continued presence of Mike Batt hunched over the piano every time she breathes on TV - she's a Woman, not a Womble!) and bloody Cullum at 4 and bloody Hayley Westernmovies at 10. Sean Paul in at 11 (though the single holds at number three, so is actually a Proper Hit Single), Corrs at 14, HIM at 18. Neil Young (thought that wasn't out until this week?) in at 22 (deserves to be much higher, but won't be). Dead 60s born dead at 23. Sheryl Crow in at 25. The Essential Bob Dylan at 30 is the only palpable evidence of audience reaction to last week's media blitz. Ryan Adams & the Cardinals enter at 59. Antony down from 26 to 47, so I'm afraid it's yet another case of Mercury Winner Not Really Crossing Over.

Sugababes = EXCELLENT. I love those ascending melody lines, but what is it that it recalls? (something 80s, Tina Turner maybe? either that or the "Twin Peaks" theme tune inverted)

tATu = very ordinary, just a rehash of stuff on the first album

I indeed suggested on the Sugababes thread that it sounds like Tina's "Simply The Best."

Meanwhile, in the albums list, Franz Ferdinand, who I am yet to be convinced are anything other than Midway Still with pass sociology degrees, debut comfortably at number one. Nice to see Paul Anka at nine with his I'm The Only Important One On That Chart album. Yet another Lennon compilation at 11. Yet another New Order compilation at 14. Nickelback have got a new album at 13. Yet another Leftfield compilation at 32 - hang on, there's only the one. The badly-reviewed sophomore effort by Ms Dynamite stiffs at 43, a whole 22 slots beneath Bullet For My Valentine. The Gary Barlow of S Club has an album at 48 (so we can expect Come And Get It to reach at least #47). Yet another Snoop Dogg compilation at 50 (don't bother to research/tell me if there's only the one). Oh, and Cream live at the Albert Hall a few months ago rocketing into the listings at 61.

As last week's Time Out singles reviewer said: it just goes to show that bloggers can be an over-excitable lot...

Fake nostalgia for Johnny Walker drivetime listeners who used to own a Stranglers album.

Are you sure about this? A friend at the time got this, but I think his had a 'dub' version on t'b.

Old Paul sets a record by having the longest gap between debuting on the singles chart and debuting on the albums chart, 48 years and 78 days. Hard to see this ever being beaten.

48 78 Paul Anka 1957:2005
37 112 Rolf Harris 1960:1997
33 229 Robin Gibb 1969:2003
29 13 Vera Lynn 1952:1981
28 275 Patsy Cline 1962:1991
28 238 Marc Bolan 1974:2002
28 114 Bobby Vinton 1962:1990
28 105 Sam Cooke 1958:1986
28 8 Jimmy Shand 1955:1983
27 143 Edith Piaf 1960:1987
26 319 Judith Durham 1967:1994
26 270 The Miracles 1966:1992
26 58 Doris Day 1952:1979
25 327 The Righteous Brothers 1965:1990
23 350 Steve Perry 1960:1984
23 145 Vic Damone 1957:1981
22 202 The Planets 1979:2002
21 336 Carl Perkins 1956:1978
21 217 The Platters 1956:1978
21 30 James Brown 1965:1986
20 311 Percy Sledge 1966:1987
20 295 Dion and the Belmonts 1959:1980
20 253 Buffy Sainte-Marie 1971:1992
20 220 Gary "U S" Bonds 1961:1981

w/Rachel I wonder if what a 32-year-old man hears as "joyous Adam Ant pastiche" a 12-year-old girl may hear as "embarassing knees-up yr Mum might like", not that I love it any less for that.

Also, it's a lot easier to get a bunch of bloggers excited about something than it is to get a bunch of 13-year-old Mizz readers.

With ABC the adult crossover happened because the Lexicon Of Love songs were so good and so brilliantly performed and produced that they would have been big anyway, even without the perceived subtext/metatext. That's why I think Beauty Stab stiffed - it was as if they were turning around to their audience, pulling off the mask and saying, OK, that was all bullshit. Audiences don't like to be told that they've been cheated, unless you've got the seductively mischievous grin of an Orson Welles to excuse you.

I think Annie's problem was really just that she was European and over 25. The British market is evidently unsympathetic to such people unless they're peddling far less sophisticated pop (Las Ketchup, Schnappi etc.)

Rachel's problem may just be that as a solo artist stepping out of a larger highly successful group in which her personality could not really stand out, it's difficult to change public perception of you esp. if you really are not that interesting as a character. Great production can't seem to over-rule this.

Also, it's a lot easier to get a bunch of bloggers excited about something than it is to get a bunch of 13-year-old Mizz readers.

Are you seriously claiming that young teenage girls are less excitable than a bunch of slack jawed cynical 20 something geezers??

If Annie gets to make album number three, watch it go...

I guess the other question is - how much money is being thrown at pop at the moment compared to other stuff, and how much emphasis does it get on CD:UK etc as opposed to 5 years ago? There's been a genuine shift in fashion I think.

If that's the case, how come Schnappi only got to #32 here? What did Crazy Frog have that the crocodile didn't (apart from an eminently marketable and painfully over-marketed ringtone, or have I just answered my own question)?

Yes but with "La EX" there was the S Club fan club crossover still in force (cf. first two Gary Barlow solo singles getting to number one on little more than fan momentum) and with "Some Girls" there was the charity/Sports Aid tie-in. It's significant that her only other top three hit "More More More" is absent from the new album, i.e. it's only by Playing The Game that she can get major hits now.

Crazy Frog was already ubiquitous in public consciousness (even pub landlords) knew what it was. The same is not true of the die krokodil. Schnappi would have to have been either adopted by Jamster and plugged furiously, or a C Beebies character.

'We Didn't Start The Fire' more like

that was my slightly convoluted joke!

the 'paid your dues' thing is important I feel, sugababes have been through the mill and been gossiped about and had issues, maybe all of this makes them more 'real' in the sense that consumers 'know' them in a heat magazine esque style whereas rachel hasn't really had a private life of note at all.

(Yes, I know, it's all recorded on Weds aftrnoon, I have done this myself you kno)

SPECIAL BONUS OUTSIDE THE TOP 40 LOOK

Route 1 (#47), El Presidente (#48), Clor (#50), Delirious? (#56), Louis XIV (#57), Honeymoon Machine (#64), Protocol (#65), Steve Mac (#73), and Alfie (#76). What do all these people have in common? They're all more popular than MULTIMILLION SELLING POP SENSATION MIA, who charts at #77.

Albumwise, Sugababes run it across the board at #1, Paul Weller is OLD at #4, and Bryn Tefrel just looks it at #10. Liberty X's accountants can't be too happy at #27, and Ricky Martin's triumphant comeback is greated with a "huh?" at #40. Charting outside the top 40: Bratz Rock Angels (#42), Roadrunner United (#45, someone please tell me who the hell they are), Alicia Keys (#52), and taTu (#78, whoops).

eh?

Thirteen.

Fucking.

Weeks.

Jesus wept etc.

Dannii Minogue isn't really what she used to be at 11, The Love Bites are exactly as successful as the Faders at #13, Not Another Pete Doherty Collaboration finds its way to #22, and oh look, the Kooks are #28. Go them, probably. Lethal Bizzle samples the Detroit Spinners and gets to #34 for his troubles, and at #35, Clea enter into the realm of 'fanbase acts'. S&D's slot goes to Bratz Rock Angelz.

In the albums, The Prodigy go straight in at the top with their 'Forget About 'Baby's Got A Temper'' compilation. Simply Red do it for themselves at #3, and Depeche Mode are #6. There's something a bit inevitable about that, isn't there? Michael Ball vs Michael Bolton - Ball wins (#11 vs #18), and somewhere in the middle someone still cares about Starsailor (#13). Aled Jones' 'New Horizons' is this week's least accurately titled new entry at #21, Stevie Wonder's last album is #24 for some reason, and - is that a new Rick Astley album I spy at #26? Eh? How peculiar. Two spots ahead of St Rachel Near The Stevens, anyway. Still, top 40 is top 40, no? McFly are in the Duke Spirit slot.

1. Vincent
2. And I Love You So
3. Portrait Of My Love
4. Where Do I Begin
5. These Foolish Things
6. Cry Me A River
7. Nature Boy
8. Close To You
9. You Belong To Me
10. Make It Easy On Yourself
11. Somewhere
12. I Can't Help Falling In Love (With You)
13. What The World Needs Now

The odd thing is, I'd imagine he's got the voice for it, but somehow I can't help but think this will be dreadful.

So, obviously, in this era of independant indie Myspace fuckwittery, the first band to get to number one are... Westlife. With the second highest first week singles sales of the year so far. Well done all involved. Kate Bush brings the old haggard pointlessness at #4, and Hilary Duff has her biggest hit to date at #7 with "Wake Up", a song, like the rest of Duff's, that would be totally improved by a guest verse from the awesome Gordo. Backstreet Boys become the uni ball for the masses at #8, and Maximo Park "apply" "some" "pressure" at #17. On Saturday, I fucked a Maximo Park fan. Well done all involved.

Will Smith once heard a DMX single at #19, and its the yearly "Pump Up The Jam" remix at #22. It's the Cafe Del Mar you can dance to! Magic Numbers (more like the Fatgic Numbers, am I right?) are probably on the decline now at #24, and the Test Icicles are possibly the worst indie band since The Others at #25. Audio Bullys release their traditional post-hit flop at #27, and the Rifles are apparently at #36.

Albumwise, in a total shock to all, Robbie Williams goes straight in at number one and probably won't be moving for at least six weeks. Destiny's Child's gramatically incorrect "1's" is at #6', and a similar greatest hits album from the Destiny's Child of the 70s, Supertramp, gets to #9. Tiny lesbian Alex Parks comes back at #24, and Jack "Cunt" Johnson finally enters the top 40 at #26. Longest stayer on the top 40 is the Kaiser Chiefs, who've now managed 34 weeks, and are still top 20.

SINGLES
44. Morning Runner- Be All You Want Me To be
52. Supergrass- Low C
59. Tom Vek- Nothing But Green Lights
62. Gliterrati- Back In Power
68. The Corrs- Heart Like A Wheel
79. Mattafix- Passer By

ALBUMS
57. El Presidente- El Presidente
60. Burt Bacharach- All This Time

Anyway, Nizlopi! Congrats, and a nice moment for TOTP.

Course, they won't be there next week, making way for Shayne and "Whoopee, I Won" song.

The kids like it a lot, well the video anyway. Amber "Bands are quite boring sometimes when they sing it live". Mind you that was also about Robbie, who did his song live and showed it up as being especially unmemorable also.

The niz enjoyed their TOTP Performance, so good for them. I've heared it three times up to now, so it hasn't worn off just yet. (The "Quite Like" level).