Favorite Instance Of Avoidance of Actual Cursing By Substitution Of Similar Sounding Words

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I've got two:
One from the TV show "Maude":
She's built like a brick shipyard!

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:44 (nineteen years ago) link

And one from the TV-safe version of The Big Lebowski
Do you see what it's like
To fight a stranger in the Alps?

What are yours?

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:47 (nineteen years ago) link

I think it was in the tv version of Top Gun, maybe, where this line is said: "You're in more dire need of a real job than any man alive."

― Hurting (Hurting), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Good Morning Vietnam, no?

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:55 (nineteen years ago) link

Yeah, but what did they say?

xpost:
That reminds of the one my roommate said he saw in the tv version of Risky Business: "He must have gone home and sacked out."

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Yeah, Good Morning Vietnam it was actually. From the same time in my life as Top Gun though.

― Hurting (Hurting), Friday, 7 January 2005 04:58 (nineteen years ago) link

"Forget you, man! Forget you!"

― LSTD (answer) (sexyDancer), Friday, 7 January 2005 05:17 (nineteen years ago) link

i like in the tv version of goodfellas where they replace "break my balls" with "break [or bust] my chops!"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 7 January 2005 05:33 (nineteen years ago) link

Sebastian bach owns this.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 7 January 2005 05:34 (nineteen years ago) link

xpost:
Those two are alternated in real life all the time! I've also heard "break my horns."

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 05:40 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.thecatwalk.com/clubstore/images/catwalk-064_m.jpg

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 7 January 2005 05:43 (nineteen years ago) link

OH! At the end of GI Jane, when Demi Moore triumphs over the bad guy, she goes "Suck My STICK!" and her soldier friends go "oooooh disssssssss"

― phil-two (phil-two), Friday, 7 January 2005 05:59 (nineteen years ago) link

HUGS!

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:01 (nineteen years ago) link

The USA Network version of Repo Man introduced the term "melon farmer" as an epithet.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:16 (nineteen years ago) link

:xpost
Ha! All the boards developing these wormholes in past few days.

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:19 (nineteen years ago) link

Yeah, USA Network owns this thread. The Fargo edit in particular. I believe "frozen" and "fruggen" were the most popular "fuck" subs.

― C0L1N B--KETT, Friday, 7 January 2005 06:23 (nineteen years ago) link

And, while not really swearing, the edit of "Next Episode" that changes "smoke weed everyday" to "have fun every day" trumps any movie edit.

― C0L1N B--KETT, Friday, 7 January 2005 06:24 (nineteen years ago) link

well, in respect to fargo and the big lebowski, the coen bros write the script for the tv edited versions as well.

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:26 (nineteen years ago) link

"forget all of you monkeyfaces!"

― .adam (nordicskilla), Friday, 7 January 2005 06:27 (nineteen years ago) link

In Major League, there's a far away shot where Charlie Sheen says "Oh yeah, why don't you blow me."

On the TV edit, he says "It's a lovely day for a ballgame ump... why don't you WATCH IT!"

Kinda a stretch, I think.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Friday, 7 January 2005 07:01 (nineteen years ago) link

May fave is in Batman with the police chief talking to the reporter:

"I say, you're full of drink Knox - and you can quote me on that."

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Friday, 7 January 2005 08:48 (nineteen years ago) link

The only good thing about Battlestar Gallactica was they used "frak" for "fuck." (In the exclamation sense)

― nickn (nickn), Friday, 7 January 2005 08:51 (nineteen years ago) link

The *only* good thing? I think frickin' not!

"Flip you, melonfarmer!" rocks my world. I'm told it's from Repo Man, but I've not seen that.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Friday, 7 January 2005 08:59 (nineteen years ago) link

Do The Right Thing, TBS, they substitute all the "motherfucker"s with, uh, "mickifickies", which is at its most hilarious during the everyone-full-of-hate-for-each-other montage, where we get to hear the really choice moment of all: "YOU MICKIFICKIN MICKIFICKIES".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Robocop, instead of "Bitches leave": "Ladies leave!"
so poor, missed the point intirely.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:29 (nineteen years ago) link

"Get out of my house. Get out of my ~~mother fucking~~ freshly vacuumed house."

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:34 (nineteen years ago) link

From the TV version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "Pardon my french, but Cameron is so uptight, if you stuck a lump of coal in his < very poor and obvious dubbing>FIST< /vpaod>, in a week you'd have a diamond."

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:47 (nineteen years ago) link

As West Side Story was on TV the other day: "Gee, Officer Krupke, krup you!"

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:49 (nineteen years ago) link

YIPPEE KAI YEA, MISTER FALCON (plane explodes)

― TOMBOT, Friday, 7 January 2005 13:50 (nineteen years ago) link

"Forget you clown" Anthony Kiedis to Krusty in The Simpsons

"A dwad, a dosser and a didhead" Alan Partridge, tho he does also say 'fuck off' in the same scene

― Stevem On X (blueski), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:52 (nineteen years ago) link

fuck = "fug" in "The Naked & The Dead" by Normski Mailer. Yeah, that's where The Fugs copped their name. Duh.

― lovebug starski (lovebug starski), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:55 (nineteen years ago) link

My phone's predictive text messaging usually suggests "ducking" and "ducked" as preferred options and I've kind of adopted them as a alternative swearwords.

I'm fairly sure I once sent
"Didn't get that email, the servers were ducking ducked"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:55 (nineteen years ago) link

the picnic area scene in Father Ted where there was a 'no swearing' sign (Fop off yer fopping ee'git)

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:56 (nineteen years ago) link

That last one (no, thanks to x-posting it's the stevem one a couple up) just makes me think of COOK PASS BABTRIDGE.

I once saw an abandoned car that somebody had actually sprayed that on.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Ha ha, on the subject of predictive text, I was sending Kev quite a raunchy message one day, and the phone changed the word 'pussy' (don't ask the context), to 'puppy'.

Sadly, the message did not have the desired effect.

― Rumpington Lane, Friday, 7 January 2005 14:16 (nineteen years ago) link

"Oh yeh? Well you can just suck my toe ya fairy-godmother!"

― dog latin (dog latin), Friday, 7 January 2005 15:58 (nineteen years ago) link

"till the sweat rolls down and falls"

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Friday, 7 January 2005 16:06 (nineteen years ago) link

The man who works in Rye Castle refers to children as "little bar stewards".

― DV (dirtyvicar), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:13 (nineteen years ago) link

I've used "Farnsworth" in place of "fuck".

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:17 (nineteen years ago) link

The USA Network version of Repo Man introduced the term "melon farmer" as an epithet.

See also the TV version of Mr Majestyk. Gal-dang melon farmers, no less.

Seeing as my girlfriend teaches reception age children she's usually good for a bowdlerised curse or two.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:20 (nineteen years ago) link

"Eat... My.... Socks."

(from the TV version of The Breakfast Club, replaces "Eat... My.... Shorts."!!!)

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:21 (nineteen years ago) link

also, "Moliere really ...turns me on"

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:21 (nineteen years ago) link

Dangerfield in the climax of "Caddyshack":
"Hey everybody! Let's all take a shower!"

― LSTD (answer) (sexyDancer), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:28 (nineteen years ago) link

As West Side Story was on TV the other day: "Gee, Officer Krupke, krup you!"
Aren't there some others in there too, IIRC? Like

everlovin' = "melon farmin'"

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:47 (nineteen years ago) link

Breakfast Club:

"No dad, what about you? FLip you! No dad, what about you? Flip YOU! No dad, what about you?! FLIP...YOU!!" boom

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:51 (nineteen years ago) link

Mister Falcon!

― .adam (nordicskilla), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:53 (nineteen years ago) link

boom!

xpost

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:53 (nineteen years ago) link

Once I saw Reservoir Dogs on BRAVO, and it struck me as very odd that they left in all the instances of the word shit, but edited out all the "bitch"s in favor of "bimbo"s.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 7 January 2005 18:56 (nineteen years ago) link

And to think that in olden days people where shocked when Jimmy Stewart said the word "panties" in Anatomy of a Murder.

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 19:10 (nineteen years ago) link

fuck = "fug" in "The Naked & The Dead" by Normski Mailer.

Dorothy Parker, upon being introduced to Mailer: Oh, you're the young man who can't spell "fuck"!

the picnic area scene in Father Ted where there was a 'no swearing' sign (Fop off yer fopping ee'git)

FECK!

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 8 January 2005 03:54 (nineteen years ago) link

Ransom, in the junkyard, when Mel Gibson finds that his son is not there: "SHOOOT!"

― chrisco (chrisco), Saturday, 8 January 2005 07:21 (nineteen years ago) link

the first one that comes to mind will always that Breakfast Club one. but reading that Ransom/Mel Gibson one just now... flip me that's flippin' hilarious!

― contribute, Saturday, 8 January 2005 08:22 (nineteen years ago) link

In Star Trek III: the Search for Spock Kirk says "You Klingon bandits killed my son!" when it's shown on TV during the day.

My mother routinely says "Oh fishcakes!" which casued problems in a shop once where the staff thought she actually wanted some.

― MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 8 January 2005 12:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Also from the fupping father ted episode: Grasshole!

― strophic (strophic), Saturday, 8 January 2005 12:30 (nineteen years ago) link

Also Classid: People who accidentally hammer their thumbs and say "Judas Priest!" instead of using the Lord's name in vain.

See also "Dagnabbit" or "Dead-gummit!", but not quite as classic.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Saturday, 8 January 2005 18:32 (nineteen years ago) link

my great-grandmother, storming around house, hotly muttering under breath: "muscle shoals! muscle shoals!!"

all: "mama why are you saying 'muscle shoals'?"

she: "it's the biggest dam i know"

― Lixi Swank (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 January 2005 19:25 (nineteen years ago) link

an hour ago, in conversation w/ my 8 year old son.
"Dad, what does 'cripe' mean?"
"Ah, well, it's not really a word..."
"No, it's the word people say instead of Christ like in 'for Cripes sake'"
"See, you don't need me to figure out this stuff."

― lovebug starski (lovebug starski), Saturday, 8 January 2005 19:31 (nineteen years ago) link

I like that Muscle Shoals one a lot.

You also hear a lot of "God --- Blessamerica!" from the oldtimers.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Saturday, 8 January 2005 19:42 (nineteen years ago) link

My dad says "Good NIGHT!" sometimes, rather than Good Lord or whatnot, and I caught myself saying it, too, over Xmas

― Lixi Swank (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 January 2005 19:45 (nineteen years ago) link

I remember being very disappointed one Christmas years ago when they showed Ghostbusters and completely ruined the bit that should have gone something like "everything was fine until dickless here turned off the generator" "is this true?" "yes, this man has no dick". Instead 'dickless' became 'Willy Wick', and the response "yes, this man is some kind of rodent". I have no idea what Willy Wick is.

― The Horse of Babylon (the pirate king), Saturday, 8 January 2005 19:54 (nineteen years ago) link

http://tinyurl.com/5h3hv

That doesn't really clarify anything does it.

― Lixi Swank (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 January 2005 20:48 (nineteen years ago) link

from cutty's link:

they have a filter on the tv that censors out any curse words and instead replaces the curse word with something else via closed captioning. only the thing is really really overzealous, to the point that the word "sex" gets muted and replaced with "hugs."

hahaaha!

― contribute, Saturday, 8 January 2005 23:01 (nineteen years ago) link

"Of what hugs is the child, Mrs, Arbuthnot?"

― Lixi Swank (tracerhand), Saturday, 8 January 2005 23:03 (nineteen years ago) link

I watched ?Diehard? on tv a while ago and it was full of rascal/bastard as in "you may be a rascal, but you're my kind of rascal"

― isadora (isadora), Sunday, 9 January 2005 21:40 (nineteen years ago) link

i watched "the ladykillers" on a Greyhound recently, and the term 'mothertrucker' was often used.

― Shmool McShmool (shmuel), Sunday, 9 January 2005 22:09 (nineteen years ago) link

A few days ago on an airplane I heard a small boy shout out 'SON OF A BIP' at the top of his lungs.

― estela (estela), Sunday, 9 January 2005 23:15 (nineteen years ago) link

I hit a pothole the size of a wading pool last night and yelled out an "epithet". I say "epithet" because now my fianceé wants to know just who in the world is "Jimminy Christmas".

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Sunday, 9 January 2005 23:19 (nineteen years ago) link

seven years pass...

My kid watches the show Level Up on Cartoon Network and a few weeks ago, one of the characters exclaimed "shut the front door!" in disbelief, the same way you'd say "shut the fuck up!"

― fruitsbs (beachville), Saturday, 21 April 2012 11:16 (eleven years ago) link

"Shut the front door" is an actual Thing

― I need new, hip khakis (DJP), Saturday, 21 April 2012 14:04 (eleven years ago) link

It's a meme?

― fruitsbs (beachville), Saturday, 21 April 2012 15:03 (eleven years ago) link

otherwise the front door would be open

― lag∞n, Saturday, 21 April 2012 15:06 (eleven years ago) link

I distinctly recall watching one of the Police Academy films as a kid and hearing, "Freeze before I blow your gosh darn knees off, eggroll!"

Also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n-rGnI9XNo

― Potty Problems (Deric W. Haircare), Saturday, 21 April 2012 15:26 (eleven years ago) link

only saw fargo once on tv years ago, but i still think about and imitate steve buscemi saying "i'm takin the funny car!!" and "ya foolish imbecile!" all the time

― ehkarl, Saturday, 21 April 2012 23:12 (eleven years ago) link

five years pass...

A good one from Glasgow is "Get tae France!" Another one I often think of, which I think originated with Rikki Fulton, is "I couldn't give a for instance..."

― Buff Jeckley (Tom D.), Saturday, 17 March 2018 11:29 (six years ago) link

... not really what this thread is about, but almost.

― Buff Jeckley (Tom D.), Saturday, 17 March 2018 11:34 (six years ago) link

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