Let's come up with characters for shit faux-edgy BBC3 sketch shows

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Jesus on cocaine. Opening scene would have Jesus with stigmata wounds on the cross... but then you reveal he's not on the cross he's just wiping his bleeding nose on his wrists/palm (depending on which translation of the bible we're using). Jesus could then talk some parables really fast, and in episode four we'd do a bunch of references to Scarface, because people saying "Say hello to my little friend" is always funny.

― Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Monday, 23 October 2006 11:06 (nineteen years ago)

Posh woman who pretends to be an asylum seeker in order to get out of liberal scrapes. Catchphrase: "I want job pay good" said in Wiltshire accent.

― Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Monday, 23 October 2006 11:07 (nineteen years ago)

The Phantom Raspberyy Blower.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 23 October 2006 11:28 (nineteen years ago)

A middle class, middle aged actor pretending to be a teenaged chav.

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

Godwin Oddbins - the off-license clerk who just can't stop comparing everything to how Nazi Germany started.

― ;_; (blueski), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:22 (nineteen years ago)

The Systems Thinker

― ;_; (blueski), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:24 (nineteen years ago)

Childrens entertainer... WHO SWEARS~!

― Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:26 (nineteen years ago)

A middle-class, middle-aged Hampstead liberal with moderate Tourette's which causes him to come out with such ejaculations as: "SIX MILLION? IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SIXTY MILLION!" at dinner parties, etc.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:27 (nineteen years ago)

'cunt'. fly-on-the-wall documentary series following the daily life of ***** ******, a twenty-something wannabe director living in westbourne grove.

― benrique (Enrique), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:30 (nineteen years ago)

such a good thread!

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:31 (nineteen years ago)

Article in G2 by mid November. keep going!

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:32 (nineteen years ago)

Wired-Up Willie, an internet addict who can't tear himself away from his computer, thus ensuring hilarious hijinx at bus stops, in dentists' waiting rooms, etc.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:33 (nineteen years ago)

An alcoholic zookeeper, who vomits over a different animal each week

― Sadly, he will be the next Alexis Petridish. (Dom Passantino), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:33 (nineteen years ago)

an enchanted cafetiere

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:35 (nineteen years ago)

Last Of The Summer Wine parody featuring three 28-year-old suited investment bankers careering down Highgate Hill in a comedy bathtub.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:35 (nineteen years ago)

'dampen down your expectations'. the wealthy ex-producer of the smash comedy 'the keith barret show' embarrasses his wife with his selfish, stupid, pointless groucho club lifestyle and charmless personal idiosyncracies.

― benrique (Enrique), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:37 (nineteen years ago)

A character who appears as a different historical figure each week shown preparing for a pivotal event (Napolean before Waterloo, Armstrong before the Moon landing etc) before unleashing his hilarious catchphrase: "But first... I'm off for a wank!"

― chap who would dare to welcome our new stingray masters (chap), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:44 (nineteen years ago)

An ice-cream van driver that speeds past awaiting children...then stops the ice-cream van in THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

― The Real Esteban Buttez (EstieButtez1), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:46 (nineteen years ago)

Comedy footballer Ashley Dole who each week is offered a million pounds, or a marriage proposal, etc., and each week responds "DON'T TRY IT!" before going away to be literally physically sick at the lack of respect he's been shown.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:49 (nineteen years ago)

A working-class man who hates "poofters" but insists on having his temperature taken with a rectal thermometer. And he isn't even sick!

― The Real Esteban Buttez (EstieButtez1), Monday, 23 October 2006 12:50 (nineteen years ago)

A urologist who ironically goes about roundhousing unsuspecting people in the gonads.

― wogan lenin (dog latin), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:00 (nineteen years ago)

"awkward" silences filled with canned laughter

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:03 (nineteen years ago)

many of these would be decent one-off sketches rather than recurring characters i think. but that's also true of most sketches you see on TV.

― ;_; (blueski), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:10 (nineteen years ago)

A couple of drunken airline pilots.

― You've Got Scourage On Your Breath (Haberdager), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

Train defecator hunted by police

― benrique (Enrique), Monday, 23 October 2006 13:43 (nineteen years ago)

Eggstras. Guest celebrities visit battery-farmed poultry sheds to collect the eggs. The four chickens with the lowest egg production are put to the public phone-in vote, with the losing hen being throttled by the celeb.

― C J (C J), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

some guy that regularly complains loudly about and claims to despise a place he regularly visits, but for some reason, can't stop going there.

there's a lot of mileage in that one.

― teh_kit (g-kit), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:49 (nineteen years ago)

Keeping up Apperances but with a black person.

― pscott (elwisty), Monday, 23 October 2006 14:49 (nineteen years ago)

Played by Don Warrington.

― C J (C J), Monday, 23 October 2006 19:31 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

The continuiting announcer just trailed a Family Guy double bill by saying "Later on, a trip to kwa-hog"

― The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics, Thursday, 21 August 2008 21:29 (seventeen years ago)

"but first, a genie and a leprechaun share a flat in 'Lucky Bedsit'"

― Autumn Almanac, Thursday, 21 August 2008 21:44 (seventeen years ago)

four years pass...

i do quite like "man who hates "poofters" but insists on having his temperature taken with a rectal thermometer. And he isn't even sick!"

― NI, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 03:45 (thirteen years ago)

Isn't that one of "Mrs Brown's Boys" episodes?

― Mark G, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 11:07 (thirteen years ago)

The 'PC Brigade' as a literal army brigade under wartime conditions.

(Coked up Jesus and Ashley Dole favourites here. Wired-Up Willie overtaken by technological advance. Wasn't Eggstras a Black Mirror episode?

― I turned away to leave these few in thought and contemplation (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 11:30 (thirteen years ago)

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