A new list to rip to shreds: Maxim's 30 Worst Albums of all Time.

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man, it not for the scandal, John Leland's Milli Vanilli predictions woulda surely come to pass

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 00:41 (twenty years ago) link

it woulda been funnier if the list was all Jandek and Shaggs and Langley Schools and other bands that can't play their instruments ho ho ho

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 00:42 (twenty years ago) link

agreed!

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 00:44 (twenty years ago) link

I wish someone would write a "WORST ALBUMS EVAR" list where every entry either (a) contained at least three glaring factual errors (i.e. "Michael Stipe's bass playing ruins the album") or (b) is about albums that have been out of print for thirty years and therefore can't be easily argued about

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 01:21 (twenty years ago) link

such a headache this thread gives me

― jess (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 01:28 (twenty years ago) link

when 900 posts you make to ilm, feel as good you will not

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 01:29 (twenty years ago) link

Tiffany all the way. As fucking if.

― sundar subramanian (sundar), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 01:34 (twenty years ago) link

Well, you people are are absolutely fascinating. Keep going then.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 02:51 (twenty years ago) link

Nate's idea is really really funny

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 04:15 (twenty years ago) link

''What's with the snipe-fest? (a) Alex always does that, he's practically an "I'm rubber you're glue" type, and he knows it's funny and sometimes it actually is. (b) Jockiness now has pretensions to sophistication and irony, it's impossible to ignore.''

DESTROY ALL JOCKS NOW!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 08:33 (twenty years ago) link

if anyone at maxim actually decided to do that maxim list for a GOOD reason they cd point to this thread with justified pride

*cracks brewski*

*(wonders if "cracks brewski" means what he assumes it means)*

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 09:11 (twenty years ago) link

mark s in learning to be a jock actual shockah!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 09:56 (twenty years ago) link

He was certainly "cracking" the "brewskis" at the FAP!

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 10:06 (twenty years ago) link

Good Lord! I leave for 12 hours...and the thread bloats out to 270 posts!
Can somebody sum up what happened while I was gone?
Is Debbie Gibson or Tiffany winning?

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 10:43 (twenty years ago) link

Deborah Gibson, and she's losing on the 'taken as a whole' careerist (rockist?) biggerpicture stance though "Shake Your Love" still trumps all.

― James Blount (James Blount), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 11:20 (twenty years ago) link

Debates about T and DG in 2003 are a little sad.

― ham on rye (ham on rye), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

you're right. let's resume our usual talk about middling also-ran postpunkahs.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 20:39 (twenty years ago) link

*cracks brewski*
*(wonders if "cracks brewski" means what he assumes it means)*

in poland, a widow is made.

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 20:43 (twenty years ago) link

so anyway taking sides crispy ambulence vs. was (not was)

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 22:04 (twenty years ago) link

The Rubinoos.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 22:05 (twenty years ago) link

I'm pissed Poison is on this, but I'm really glad Oasis is. REALLY glad. For some reason I find the REM inclusion, despite the album's decentness, rather flattering.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 22:53 (twenty years ago) link

aw you guys, taylor dayne wipes the floor with tiffany, debbie g, company b and even alisha

ps isn't the poison 'dis' up top a sly allusion to the dish-washing scene at the outset of the 'nothing but a good time' video? AHA AHA AHA!!!

― maura (maura), Thursday, 10 July 2003 00:29 (twenty years ago) link

ALSO i have a book, dated 1991, called the 50 worst rock & roll records of all time, which i bought off the remaindered table when i was in high school mainly because of its attack on billy joel (high school issues, you know) and here is its 50 worst albums list (WARNING LOTS OF ROCKISM AHEAD):
50 - u2 "the unforgettable fire"
49 - graham parker and the rumour "the parkerilla"
48 - nick lowe "pinker and prouder than previous"
47 - "tony sheridan & the elvis presley tcb band"
46 - scotty moore "the guitar that changed the world"
45 - david bowie "never let me down"
44 - elvis costello & the attractions "goodbye cruel world"
43 - v/a "sgt pepper's lonely heart's club band" soundtrack
42 - "phantom, rocker & slick"
41 - aretha franklin "la diva"
40 - ringo starr "old wave"
39 - ringo starr "stop & smell the roses"
38 - america "america's greatest hits"
37 - reo speedwagon "life as we know it"
36 - joel grey "black sheep boy"
35 - starland vocal band "4x4"
34 - emerson lake & palmer "tarkus"
33 - joey bishop "sings country western"
32 - donovan "greatest hits"
31 - "blood sweat & tears"
30 - bruce willis "the return of bruno"
29 - starship "knee deep in the hoopla"
28 - beach boys "still cruisin"
27 - iron butterfly "live"
26 - bon jovi "slippery when wet"
25 - rolling stones "still life"
24 - the who "who's last"
23 - van dyke parks "song cycle"
22 - roger waters "radio kaos"
21 - bob dylan "live at budokan"
20 - v/a "'70s hits: greatest hits of the decade"
19 - moody blues "days of future passed"
18 - john travolta "travolta fever"
17 - shaggs "shaggs' own thing"
16 - shaggs "philosophy of the world"
15 - "anderson bruford wakeman howe"
14 - queen "live killers"
13 - queen "ii"
12 - "byrds"
11 - jethro tull "aqualung"
10 - yes "tales from topographic oceans"
9 - grateful dead "europe '72"
8 - the doors "alive, she cried"
7 - chicago "at carnegie hall"
6 - milli vanilli "the remix album"
5 - "pat boone"
4 - crosby stills nash young "american dream"
3 - bob dylan "self-portrait"
2 - lou reed "metal machine music"
1 - elvis presley "having fun with elvis on stage"

lots of live albums, yeah. also the worst single according to this book is "my ding-a-ling," but eh, who knows, maybe one day I WILL WIND UP ON THE REMAINDERED TABLE WITH MY BOOK ON WHY er well who knows what i'll be trying to argue

― maura (maura), Thursday, 10 July 2003 00:47 (twenty years ago) link

the inclusion of "Song Cycle" on that list means they at least got one right. what a fucken chore that record was to listen to. couldn't sell it quickly enough

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 00:51 (twenty years ago) link

yeah and that beach boys record has (shudder) kokomo (shudder)

still it does have a lot of 'you put your peanut butter in my canon!!!!' sentiment throughout

― maura (maura), Thursday, 10 July 2003 00:53 (twenty years ago) link

aw you guys, taylor dayne wipes the floor with tiffany, debbie g, company b and even alisha
Yeah. Whatever happened to Taylor Dayne? She rocked my world.

Also, I've read that book that maura mentions ("Slipped Discs" by Jimmy Gutterman) and, yes, it is quite Rockist in spots (a version of
the 33 1/3 rules
of bad music making is in the intro chapter to the version thats in the local library) but the books complaint about Billy Joel is right on, and does a commendable job of defending its position on why Jimmy Gutterman dislikes the albums on the list above.
(A few complaints are specious, tho. And reading his shpiel on the Bee Gee's soundtrack to the Sgt Pepper Movie made me wanna find the record just to see if it's as horrible as I remember the movie being.)

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:00 (twenty years ago) link

still it does have a lot of 'you put your peanut butter in my canon!!!!' sentiment throughout
I blame Iggy Pop, he made such a mess with that family sized container of Jif.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:02 (twenty years ago) link

man, I've been looking for that book for ages. I found the sequel, the 50 Best albums of all time, at a library in Maryland but I've been dying to see that book again (I think I last saw it when it came out, middle school or something).

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:04 (twenty years ago) link

taylor dayne is touring this summer and has been making a lot of appearances at dance clubs & pride festivals.

i will go to the massapequa show totally if anyone wants to go!!

― maura (maura), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:05 (twenty years ago) link

(I like Conor Oberst.) ((I will never allow ILM the absolute hatred of Bright Eyes it strives for.))

― bnw (bnw), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:16 (twenty years ago) link

was that apropos of anything?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:17 (twenty years ago) link

He likes Oberst, and he wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:28 (twenty years ago) link

dear bnw, i love you too, love conor

http://www.timmcmahan.com/images/lifted5.jpg

p.s. whine whine whine

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:29 (twenty years ago) link

He's just robert smith without makeup.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:35 (twenty years ago) link

Or talent. *flees*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 01:42 (twenty years ago) link

Or the build

― James Blount (James Blount), Thursday, 10 July 2003 02:50 (twenty years ago) link

Maura's list is an absolute goldmine for Scoobyists.

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:26 (twenty years ago) link

HAHAHA Milli Vanilli - _The Remix Album_!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:28 (twenty years ago) link

The power of Milli Vanilli was demonstrated in Coney Island recently.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:32 (twenty years ago) link

scoobyists?

― maura (maura), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:20 (twenty years ago) link

Why the hell is Poison on there, this is just so wrong. I will never casually flick through Maxim in WHsmith's again!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:07 (twenty years ago) link

also, "blaze of glory" is a great album, one of the best £5 I've spent recently! And, it's not actually Bon Jovi album, but a Jon Bon Jovi solo album.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:11 (twenty years ago) link

Poison is on there because they are horrible.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:11 (twenty years ago) link

They are not more horrible than Bon Jovi, for a start.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:12 (twenty years ago) link

Ooooooh yes they are. Bon Jovi may be Lovecraftian in their horribleness, but Poison is noticeably worse.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:13 (twenty years ago) link

Dan: Whatever!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:14 (twenty years ago) link

I'll never get why people diss Poison and Bon Jovi, seiously, never.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:16 (twenty years ago) link

that should be seriously! (oh and don't take this seriously, as I'm only kidding about, y'all can not like them if you want. It's been a bad week)

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:16 (twenty years ago) link

Note to John Bongiovani and co.

"I'm cowboy...on a steel horse I ride..."
No yer not. You're a poodle haired spandex fetishist greasemonkey from jersey. You are NOT a cowboy. You are NOT an outlaw biker. And there is no warrant out to arrest you scrawny ass.

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:18 (twenty years ago) link

If you'd gone to junior high with me, you'd understand. Poison is hesher-hell without the good tunes (the only thing that saves Bon Jovi).

Poison is also responsible for one of the ugliest album covers ever created:

http://heavyharmonies.com/cdcovers/P/POISON7.JPG

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:19 (twenty years ago) link

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