this is the thread where you copy and paste whatever other posts on ilx made you laugh out loud

-- Lindsey George (ravingdevil02...), December 14th, 2002.

PLUR? If I ever start a collective, our acronym will be CYESTDBYHLW or "Crush Your Enemies, See Them Driven Before You, and Hear the Lamentations of the Women". Contemplate this on the tree of woe!

-- Alan N (ala...), December 14th, 2002.

(ILM, Stop blaming ravers for drug use!)

-- dave q (scrape10...), April 24th, 2002.

http://www.allprodad.com/images/singletary.jpg

http://members.aol.com/dubplatestyle/mase.jpg

ron - it was! Maryann is a genius. -- rainy (isitagirl@hotmail.com), July 10th, 2002 5:00 PM.

ha ha yeah a "genius" -- (doorag@eudoramail.com), July 11th, 2002 5:00 PM.

-- Chris Dipipi (DipipiRulesKnights@AOL.com), January 26th, 2003.

/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?thread.php?msgid=3220630

-- s trife (i$oiv@if5ws)), October 14th, 2002 12:40 PM.

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gee guys i really had quite a few good laughs going thru all the msgs up on here!! ha ha! keep up the good work peeps..u make some ppl out there actually laugh!! hey jim, just sit back and enjoy it man, its funny!! the song is ok too by the way! i never really loved missy's songs but yeah the girl can grab the mic and do her thang, thats for sure! and yeah theres no "Fremme Neppa Vennette" in the song ha ha..its "I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it" reversed!! ok, i'm off! smootches 2 everyone for entertaining me!! ha ha
-email jinx
-- Email Jinx (kyrpar@hotmail.com), January 25th, 2003.

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hey jim, just sit back and enjoy it man
oh I do, I do..

-- electric sound of jim (electricsound@hotmail.com), January 27th, 2003.

Daughter loved the the toy and it came quickly. Thanks.

*********************************************************************

Hmmmmm.....*ponders*

-- becky lucas

It's worth a try, I was the only one that 'laughed'.

-- Scaredy Cat (puskin@yahoo.com), January 31st, 2003.

-- Scott Seward (Skotro...), January 27th, 2003.
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If Kevin Shields and that guy from The Streets got together would they make shoegeezer music?

-- Scott Seward (Skotro...), January 27th, 2003.
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Lapgazer is mine and funnier, but Lapgeezers is scarier. Lapgeezer will be the BritPop of Lapgazer. Lapgeezers will disintegrate into Ladgazers and Ladgeezers who will then become Navelgazers and finally, despicably, Navelgeezers.

-- Momus (nic...), January 27th, 2003.
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...Then of course they'll grow old and become Dadgazers and Dadgeezers who can't even gaze their own laps any more for flab.

-- Momus (nic...), January 27th, 2003.
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(ILM, Ask DAT Politics a question)

I know there are probably only two people here that haven't figured it out yet, but... fuck, just take them out, please?

How violent!

-- Jody Beth Rosen (editor@southsidecallbox.com), February 1st, 2003.

-- Sarah (starr...), July 25th, 2002.
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(ILE, The "pro-ana" movement -- WTF?)

trolls mainly
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 1st, 2003.

Sunday, 31st March 1991
How do I express unbridled joy? Thank God I was in the room (I'd just returned from the bathroom) when John Peel ran through what's to come on tonight's programme. Two alternate takes of Smiths songs and ONE PREVIOUSLY UNRELEASED song! Of course I should never have believed Morrissey when he said in 1988 "Everything the Smiths ever committed to tape has been released. Re-released even!" Yet it still seems strange. I know that other famous groups have had bootlegs and official records released of outtakes, but I could never really imagine this happening to the Smiths. Do you understand that this is the first time I've witnessed (as a Smiths devotee) the airing of a 'new' Smiths track. All the Smiths songs are just so firmly imprinted on my mind as a complete portfolio of seventy-however many songs that I can't even imagine another one appearing in my life. It's so exciting. I'm jumping up after each record Peel plays and standing with my finger on the record button. I've put in a TDK SA-X tape. What if the bastard plays one following on from another record without introduction? He wouldn't, would he? What if I heard him wrong? It still seems incredible.

Sorry about another 'what if?' but what if the only reason the song wasn't released is because it's a sort of jokey, crap jam? Hmm... Will these tracks be officially released? If they're not then promos of them will reach gigantic sums. By the way, 'Sit Down' is now number two. I have to buy the original before all this success makes its price rocket.

John Peel, hurry up. How can he sound so calm and normal about announcing all the other, insignificant records?

It's 1:07 and I'm still waiting. He has confirmed that he'll be playing them, but he seems unaware of their importance. It's as if he's got some new tracks by... well any old band really. Sort yourself out John. I hope so hard that I'm not disappointed in some way in the next fifty minutes. Things that could go wrong 1) He might not play them 2) I might mess up the taping of them 3) They might not be very good. What will the previously unreleased song be called? I guess that it begins with a 'p'. I hope the alternate takes are of two of my favourite tracks. Perhaps the new song is an instrumental. I hope not. It's 1:14. Come on. It's 1:31 and I'm now sure that he's going to leave them to last. Sitting here, I've been looking back through this diary. Two things grab me. Firstly, a lot of it is almost illegible. Secondly, there are a number of sentences which might be read 'wrong'. Like somewhere I said that I spend more time thinking about films than I do watching them. Now, I didn't mean that if you add up all the durations of the films I've watched it will come to a longer [presumably I meant to write 'shorter'] time that the time than the time I spend thinking about films. That's not that surprising. What I meant was whilst I'm watching a film I spend an awful lot of time thinking baout my reaction to it, rather than just letting myself be carried along with the story. That might be quite normal, I don't know.

Well all I know is that these 3 Smiths tracks don't add up to more than 19 minutes of music: it's now 1:41. But then that's not very surprising. How many other people must be sitting here waiting just like me? Imagine if my radio broke down now. It's 1:47... 1:48... 1:49 (they must all be an average of 3 miuntes long unless this Levellers 5 record finishes in the next few seconds)... 1:50 what is this for heaven's sake? ... 1:51... This is heartbreaking. I'm sorry but I don't believe this: he's playing another record and it's 1:53. What are we going to get? Alternate takes of 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want', 'I Keep Mine Hidden' and a one-minute gem? Get lost John Peel. I *must* have heard him right - he said it twice. And he never overruns. Leave it to next week maybe? Bastard. 1:55. 1:56. I don't believe this. Yes I do. You know what he's jsut said? "And err.. waht was I going to say now. Ah yes... If you've been waiting to hear those Smiths tracks that I didn't have time for; maybe this time next year, eh? Ha ha ha. I don't suppose anyone fell for it did they? Still, you've got to try haven't you?"

When I started quoting him then, I was totally confused. "*Why?*," I thought. But suddenly I realised, it's now April 1st. April Fools Day. But that's no *bloody* excuse. I fell for it, yes. But I can still hardly believe, let alone come to terms with it. It was *so* obvious: of course he wouldn't have been that casual about it. I'm considering boycotting the show in future. I'm genuinely upset: how pathetic I am.

-- Nick (nickdastoor@hotmail.com), August 08, 2001.

Of course it is made even funnier because I probably would have done the exact same thing, pathetic Smiths fan that I was.

-- mark s (mark@evazev.demon.co.uk) (webmail), November 25th

-- N0RM4N PH4Y (k-r4d@faycycle.demon.co.uk), December 4th, 2002.

-- geeta (geeta@theoriginalsoundtrack.com), February 1st, 2003.

I've given you a very easy ride on this issue so far but no more. You want to make a mess of your life, to make an enemy of everyone else on this planet, then go ahead - just go and do it somewhere else.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarlin@hotmail.com), October 16th, 2002

-- briania (lyriclash@hotmail.com), May 14th, 2002.
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My head hurts. Entertainingly, I have to say.

-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org), May 14th, 2002.

-- donut bitch (do...), November 28th, 2002.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarlin@hotmail.com), October 16th, 2002

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), February 1st, 2003 8:17 PM.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarlin@hotmail.com), October 16th, 2002

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), February 1st, 2003 8:17 PM.

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), Today 6:28 PM.

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), February 1st, 2003 8:17 PM.

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), Today 6:28 PM.

-- couldn't resist (ohronny@juno.com) (webmail), February 2nd, 2003 5:11 AM. (ron) (link)

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), January 31st, 2003.
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(ILE, Open this up and paste whatever is on your clipboard right now)

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), Today 6:28 PM.

-- couldn't resist (ohronny@juno.com) (webmail), February 2nd, 2003 5:11 AM. (ron) (link)

-- i did resist til ron pushed me over the edge! (girl_thursday@hotmail.com), February 2nd, 2003 6:14 AM.

-- Ally (garance80@yahoo.com), February 1st, 2002.

-- gi66y ($$$@k.com), January 28th, 2003.''

i need a desk

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), November 11th, 2002.

Answers

or, indeed, anygirl? hahah

-- gareth (gareth@norfolkwindmills.com), November 11th, 2002.

Excellent cartoon in a jewish mag, Moses on top of Arafat: "You want us to cut off the end of our dicks?"

-- stevo

arafat?

-- mark s

oh fuck

-- stevo

"Hast seen the White Whale?"

-- John Darnielle (editor@...), July 6th, 2002.

lando calrissian had a solo recording career and he rocked like fuck
-- bob snoom, July 25th, 2002.

I sure hope you mean Billy Dee Williams and not some freako who THINKS he really IS Lando Calrissian.
-- Lord Custos III, July 26th, 2002.

Are you kidding, Lord Custos? I really fucking hope it's the freak!
-- Ned Raggett, July 26th, 2002.

this is my favorite ned post ever
-- Josh, July 26th, 2002.

And Bristol, like it or not, constantly breeds exciting, new acts ... for the past decade, all the most challenging, interesting new music has emerged from Bristol - Goldfrapp, Massive Attack, Tricky, Portishead, Alpha, Kosheen, Roni Size, Way Out West.... and those are just the ones who sell records.

I live in Bristol, but I'm Welsh - and the same can hardly be said for there! In a world of Stereochronics and Manic Street Screechers, thank God for Shaky and Bonnie, I say.....

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

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russ, cool, yr passionate - we all are, that's why we're here. it's just yr condescending posting-style put my back up. i disagree that "all the most challenging, interesting new music has emerged from bristol" a claim that is, frankly, bizarre and yr list backs me up more than it does you. so we disagree, but that's fine - people disagree, "as you'll discover". welcome to ilm anyway.
-- michael wells (wellsmj1@hotmail.com), January 14th, 2003.

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Michael -
i can only presume you haven't heard the Goldfrapp album and leave it at that. Absolutely enough said.
What, in your opinion, constitutes challenging,interesting, enjoyable music? And do you honestly dsislike every act I have named in the list in my post?
-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

-- Mark C (boyincorduroy@yahoo.com), February 3rd, 2003.

But of course, vile Dynami-tee-hee (she really IS only 4 years old, isn't she?) will scoop it. Unfortunately.

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

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bog off Grandad ;)
-- stevem (blueski@base58.com), January 14th, 2003.

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Up your 'ole, kiddy. Hometime's a remarkable record - recorded with Bristol's finest in the Massive studios, with assorted members of Goldfrapp, Portishead, Spiritualized - shame age restricts your perception of music. (how old is Sasha? Nick Warren? Tiesto? Teaglia? Vasquez? Are these irrelevant because of their advancing years?)
Stevem... the Brits always cock up the dance award, anyway.... after all, where is Way Out West in this year's nominations - surely eligible and worthy.

Sugababes and Jamiroquai? Where are these people going to dance? Wedding discos?

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

Are you talking about Ashcroft or Gray here?
-- Matt DC (runmdc@graffiti.net), January 14th, 2003.

Definitely Gray. Ashcroft can still craft and interpret a classic song. And not make it sound generic. Unlike, imo, Gray.
-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 14th, 2003.

-- russ t (russ.thomas@bt.com), January 16th, 2003.

ACTUALLY EMMA IF YOU READ THE LINK i POSTED AWHILE A GO, A SWEDISH FLYER FLUSHED AT THE WRONG TIME AND WAS VACUUM SUCKED ONTO THE TOILET AND HAD TO BE REMOVED BY FIREMAN
-- Mike Hanle y (Pennysong@japan.com), February 14th, 2002."

Where can on epurchase Orange Juice Cd s ? I can find none anywhere

-- mike hanle y (pennysong@japan.com), May 28, 2002

Answers
That's funny cause my local 2nd hand record shop won't take my 'You Can't Hide Your Love Forever'/'Orange Juice' two-fer fer love nor money. Actually I didn't offer him love.

-- N. (nickdastoor@hotmail.com), May 28, 2002.

hmm, perhaps some sort of CD swap is in order?

-- Alan T (Alan.Trewartha@harpercollins.co.uk), May 28, 2002.

He would probably send me a bag of ants.

-- N. (nickdastoor@hotmail.com), May 28, 2002.

No, anal bats.

-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org), May 28, 2002.

-- jot eff pe (at least, that's the most recent post I've found)

-- Ramosi, Red Beans & Rice Mothafokka!! (olafsonskid@aol.com), February 8th, 2002.

yeah it used to be fun
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald6@mail.dcu.ie), Today 4:17 PM. (Ronan)

mark s, didn't anybody ever tell you about "the boards and the beets"?
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), November 11th, 2002.

-- felicity (felicityredwell@yahoo.com), February 3rd, 2003.

-- nabisco (---@notmail.com), February 3rd, 2003 11:18 PM.

1) Let her out and check what if any damage she did in there?
2) Go to the computer and ask posters on your favorite bulletin board what happened?

-- j.lu (flavia@nme.com), Yesterday 11:52 PM.
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More than likely, I would say.

-- Nicole (nicolew15@hotmail.com), Yesterday 11:54 PM.
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should i post the gif of the cat doing the piss dance?

-- Tad (llamasfur@hotmail.com), Today 12:06 AM.
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Why not? It's probably the only cat picture that has never been posted to ile.

-- Nicole (nicolew15@hotmail.com), Today 12:07 AM.
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You come home from work to find that the cat has been shut in the wardrobe all day. Do you:

1) Let her out and check what if any damage she did in there?
2) Go to the computer and ask posters on your favorite bulletin board what happened?

Best Choose Your Own Adventure book yet?

-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org), Today 12:09 AM.

-- brainliner (bl@bl.com), February 3rd, 2003.

Led Zeppelin I
Led Zeppelin II
Led Zeppelin III
Led Zeppelin IV
Led Zeppelin V
Led Zeppelin VI
Led Zeppelin VII
Led Zeppelin VIII
Led Zeppelin IX
Coverdale/Page

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewel@excite.com), September 20, 2002
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you fucking liar...there's no coverdale/page album.

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com), September 20th, 2002
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You need to go back to rock n roll school son!

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewel@excite.com), September 20th, 2002
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Behold - http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=A995s8qnnbtx4

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewel@excite.com), September 20th, 2002
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james blount, will you marry me?

-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com) (webmail), September 20th, 2002

'bomb diggity with big tiggities' has definitely entered my lexicon

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymiccio@...), January 14th, 2003.

Answers
F. N. Venette. (Her first name is Fremme, middle name is Neppa.)
-- JS Williams (jsw0718@hotmail.com) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 12:31 PM. (js williams) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

U sure?

-- rolci (rolci@freemail.hu) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 12:40 PM. (link)

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No, it's not at all, U bahstard! It' a nonsense. go C yerself @ http://southsidecallbox.com/2002_singles_jody.html! So, what's the girlz name?
-- rolci (rolci@freemail.hu) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 1:09 PM. (link)

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This thread makes me very very happy.
-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 1:13 PM. (Ned) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I do what I can, Ned.
-- NOT A RANDOM GOOGLER (jsw0718@hotmail.com) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 1:17 PM. (js williams) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanx, pal! U R really nice!
-- rolci (rolci@freemail.hu) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 1:21 PM. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, whazzup fellas? Don't U know that girlz name with 2 bunches of hair on the 2 sides of her head in Missy's 'Work it'? C'mon, help me!
-- rolci (rolci@freemail.hu) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:06 PM. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her name is Sofonda Cox.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcgee@yahoo.com) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:09 PM. (Chris V) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what do you want with her rolci? oh well, whatever it is do let us know how it turns out
-- stevem (blueski@base58.com) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:13 PM. (blueski) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanx, I checked her in a search-engine, but in the photos she didn't seem 2 resemble the girl in 'Work it'... She looks like a teenager in the clip, not an adult. However, I'll keep searching, perhaps I'm wrong. But still I have no evidence. Could U give me an URL next time? Sg 2 write in the address bar that will show mme: She's the 1 U wanted. Oh, it's been high time but still no obvious result. Help me, quickly!
-- rolci (rolci@freemail.hu) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:19 PM. (link)

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Ok, I'll let U know, but 1st make me sure, cuz I'm not yet...

-- rolci (rolci@freemail.hu) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:20 PM. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

southside callbox!
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewel@excite.com) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:23 PM. (James Blount) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dude, it's just patrin
-- jess (dubplatestyle@hotmail.com) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:25 PM. (dubplatestyle) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey, I donna whatta heck yer takin about. I dont understand. I'm Hungarian. 1st: What is a southside callbox? 2nd: What is a patrin? B clear! & what's her name?!?
-- rolci (rolci@freemail.hu) (webmail), February 4th, 2003 2:31 PM. (link)

Congratulations to you all on being so hospitable to a newcomer. I'm heading to the exit, and I'm taking my copy of "Magic Hotel" with me. Don't come begging for a listen when it's "back in fashion", please.

-- andy paltridge (quirkmoose@yahoo.com), January 16th, 2003 11:36 PM.

The whole toploader thread is pretty damn funny.

less of the Jesus, Michael.
God googles everyone.

-- Plunging Hen (Denise@btinternet.com), October 10th, 2002 3:44 AM.

-- Nick Southall (n.j.southall@ex.ac.uk), February 4th, 2003 4:34 PM.

-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org), Today 4:58 PM. (Ned)

I'm still thinkin' he'd do well to team up with Edwyn Collins. At best, there might be some good, lyrical stuff - At worst, at least there'd only be half as many Marr and/or Collins records being made.
-- dave225 (adspace@sprynet.com), February 4th, 2003.

10. Levitation Plus Plus Plus! But No, For It Was Too Heavy Alas Once Maybe, But Never Now

Surprise birthday parties must be a real hoot with you.

-- Ned Raggett (ned@kuci.org), January 17th, 2003.

Yeah. I don't think it has to imply a negative value.
-- Michael Daddino (epicharmus@aol.com), February 4th, 2003.

it is a top thing for corn to be, for example
-- mark s (mark@evazev.demon.co.uk), February 4th, 2003.

"In response to Redeye's column in this month's EDGE which has the cuntlapping basic argument that the computer industry has two overdriving unclefucks: companies want money, people want authenticity/reality. Thus why, he smacks, EA have smooched on the deep throating Franchise (ie the Real "Mistress Anal" Names) to help optimise titty fucks and how it has gained market supremacy AND now he sees for the sex fighting first time ever Pro "Dildo" Ev (the 'thinking man's' blah) has outsold Pro "Pimp Mastah" Ev (pound-for-pound ie unclefucked for one week only on one format) so he thrusts that Konami will rest on iterations now: Pro "Nobgoblin" Ev 2 = Pro "Spunksupper" Ev 1. Why does he come to titty fucks conclusion? Because they've gained the gangbanging market and in past the dripping company with the blowing market has cuntlapped its laurels and tried to retain them: he titty fucks that Konami have fistfucked the mantel through innovation and creation of The "Cockboy" Game. Which doesn't necessarily mean they'll maintain fingerfucks Revolution (ie see ISS Motherfucks -> ISS PS1 -> Pro "Jerkoff" Ev) and settle for (haha you lucky Redeye bastard) the (watch out, pun) Evolution."

-- dwh (savonarola@hotmail.com) (webmail), January 5th, 2003 8:13 PM. (dwh)

I can't wait for the new single by The Penis Enlargers. What did people think of "A CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY" by the Sons Of The Former Presidents Of Nigeria?

-- DV (dirtyvicar...

-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeball_kicks@hotmail.com), Yesterday 4:15 PM.
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Eyeball Kicks has hurt my brane.

-- Nick Southall (n.j.southall@ex.ac.uk), Yesterday 4:21 PM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

This thread may not be based on a true story...

-- smee (smee4ilxor@hotmail.com), Yesterday 4:27 PM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

What - she didn't txt you?

-- Dave B (REMOVETOREPLYdave.boyle@supporters-direct.org), Yesterday 4:28 PM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

She fucked YOUR uncle? You fucked HER uncle? She fucked your dad? You fucked your dad? YOUR DAD FUCKED HER UNCLE?

-- Nick Southall (n.j.southall@ex.ac.uk), Yesterday 4:30 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

u will get buggered by scallies u will
-- gi66y ($$$@kjhgkjh.com), January 27th, 2003 7:30 AM.

Forever is the classixor ILX statement.

-- Q.ziq, February 5, 3003, 14:13pm (Central Venus)

-- j.lu (flavia@nme.com), February 6th, 2003.
--

[. . .]

-- Mandee (Wolfshirt@antisocial.com), February 4th, 2003.

* * * *

Mandee, why would a family clinging to their Swedish ancestry decorate their house white and red?

-- chris sallis (chrys@etc.com), February 4th, 2003.

* * * *

I think she was making a point about just how stupid it all is...*sigh*

-- RJG (r_gillanders@yahoo.com), February 4th, 2003.

* * * *

Sure, only I would have thought anyone going so far as to embroider "I Love Sweden" all over the place might also have confirmed the colour scheme of the Swedish flag before commencing interior decoration.

-- chris sallis (chrys@etc.com), February 4th, 2003.

-- hilton betelgeuse (mjbottoms@ntlworld.com), February 4th, 2003.

Bob on Ornette coleman's 'Dancing in your head'.

heywoodpink: um there could be a busker who needs to finance a trip to canada to visit his mother, his sister who um actually i think i am crap at this!

loopstrange: no, don't doubt yourself...

loopstrange: who is the busker played by?

heywoodpink: oh i suppose i am just getting at the make it up as one goes along aspect of it

heywoodpink: the busker is played by someone with a beard

loopstrange: that means the busker has a secret

heywoodpink: and he is also lazy

loopstrange: he left his souzaphone at home

loopstrange: and his busking is now just telling wildly implausible stories to passers by

heywoodpink: his sister is a buyer at a used goods store

heywoodpink: and she is writing a novel based on people who try selling her weird things

loopstrange: she has red hair

heywoodpink: her boyfriend is obsessed with Polish folklore to the extent of dressing up in their national costume and speaking Polish, even though his parents are from Nicaragua

loopstrange: the busker reaches a diner in the lonesome desert

heywoodpink: with a help wanted sign

loopstrange: he fancies a plate of "flapjacks" so he enquires about the job

loopstrange: but it turns out the vacancy is for a violinist to entertain the patrons

loopstrange: he calls up his sister to see if she has bought a used violin lately

heywoodpink: while awaiting his violin, he becomes acquainted with an amnesiac clairvoyant named Elenore

loopstrange: she starts telling him about his life to come

loopstrange: some of the things she says are nearly identical to the wildly implausible stories he himself has beeen imparting to various folks

heywoodpink: one of the terms of his contract as a violinist is that he must live with the restaurant owners

loopstrange: they have a dog named chow chow

heywoodpink: who forces him to alter his repertoire because when he is practising, his rendition of A Hard Day's Night always makes the dog hump his leg

loopstrange: he becomes addicted to Elenores predictions about his life to come and stays on at the diner for a long time. then the predictions become fewer and less detailed because he is IN A RUT

heywoodpink: so instead of A Hard Day's Night he plays an old Polish tune he heard from his sister's boyfriend

loopstrange: the restaurant owners hear it and kick him out because

heywoodpink: he is demoted to backup violinist status after the atonal qualities of the tune begin to scare customers

heywoodpink: oh whoops, he is kicked out as a consequence, not demoted

loopstrange: yeah eh needs out of that diner

heywoodpink: his sister comes to pick him up and he gets into a fight with her boyfriend

loopstrange: his sister is in trouble, someone has tried to sell her a cryogenically preserved head

loopstrange: the niciraguan boyf is no help, he is too obsessed with the ways of the Poles

heywoodpink: and he is no longer capable of communicating in English or Spanish, he merely speaks in tongues of rapid incomprehensible Polish

loopstrange: the FBI are on their tail

loopstrange: of course Elenor has predicted all this

heywoodpink: so they track her down and she refuses to divulge the secrets of his future

loopstrange: the busker tries in vain to remeber some of her predictions more clearly

loopstrange: but all he can think of is chow chow

loopstrange: he shakes his fist at god

heywoodpink: and decides that the only solution is to hold his ex-bosses to ransom for chow chow

loopstrange: so they sneak back to the diner to get him

loopstrange: they take the cryogenically preserved head in case of emergency

heywoodpink: when they receive a call that their mother has gone into a coma

loopstrange: and desperately needs a head transplant

heywoodpink: but the only way they can fund the head transplant is by donating the head to science, and they don't know where to find another head

loopstrange: they look on Ebay and in the Buy, Sell and Exchange

loopstrange: Ebay is useless, but the B,S and E has a head in the Free section

heywoodpink: but it belongs to the parents of the busker's sister's ex-boyfriend...it is the head of a Polish miner's wife, and they are giving the head away in an attempt to shock him back into coherence

loopstrange: surely that would be a niciraguan head?

heywoodpink: oh actually the head belongs to him, but they have taken it from him...that's better

loopstrange: they have to drive to Bloomington, indiana to get the head

loopstrange: they take chow chow in case of emergency

heywoodpink: they get the money and charter a helicopter to Halifax, Nova Soctia

heywoodpink: oops Scotia, where their mum is

loopstrange: the mother looks ashen, wretched

heywoodpink: i think the music that is playing at this point is probably important

loopstrange: funky town by pseudo echo?

heywoodpink: hahaha well yes that can be playing on the hospital muzak speakers

loopstrange: she reaches out to her children, with love and gratitude in her eyes

loopstrange: 'my dearest kids, did you get me a new head?"

loopstrange: they shift uncomfortably

loopstrange: chow chow does a wee in the corner

heywoodpink: she hears a burbling sound and says 'what's that?'

heywoodpink: it is the head clanking around in the tank

loopstrange: it's DEFROSTING!

heywoodpink: yeah human heads don't clank, do they?

loopstrange: it would if it was partially frozen and perhaps in a stainless steel receptacle

loopstrange: and was wearing nicaraguan jewelery

heywoodpink: so then they start clamouring for surgeons and fast really urgent music starts playing, like Take On Me by A-Ha, which is appropriate because the lyrics say 'i'll be gone in a day'

loopstrange: chow chow bites a staff nurse

heywoodpink: who requires a tetanus shot

heywoodpink: we need an ending and also music under the credits and a narrator

heywoodpink: the narrator will be the guy who does the voiceover on Days Of Our Lives

Fergus noodle: ah ha!

heywoodpink: there you are

loopstrange: fergus can help us now!

heywoodpink: right now where was our movie

loopstrange: okay

loopstrange: ...chow chow bites a staff nurse, who then needs a tetanus shot

Fergus noodle: who is chow chow?

Fergus noodle: why don't they have short soup in new zealand?

heywoodpink: and the head transplant can only proceed when she has had her shot

loopstrange: she is swearing like a sailor

loopstrange: and has to be held down by the busker and his sister
Fergus noodle: does she wear a bobble hat though?

heywoodpink: yeah she does, under her surgical hat thing

loopstrange: there are not many staff on at the hospital, because it is Shrove Wednesday. The staff who are there are wearing bobble hats to celebrate

Fergus noodle: and they have a pop hit called orange box around my heart

heywoodpink: that can be the music that plays under the credits

loopstrange: the transplant goes smoothly

Fergus noodle: Dr Casinowin has the hots for Dr McSpadgemonkey also i think

heywoodpink: and you can feel the sexual tension as they operate

heywoodpink: the dog doesn't like it

Fergus noodle: they play footsies under the operating table

loopstrange: he gets locked in the hospital caf until he can calm down

loopstrange: (that's chow chow, not Dr. McSpadgemonkey)

Fergus noodle: this is one hot operation

Fergus noodle: Dr Spadgemonkeys lip grows to be the size of the opera house

heywoodpink: the mother adopts chow chow as her companion to ward off the strange neighbour who plays polo and is incessantly inviting her over to observe his collection of cricket bats

loopstrange: but wait, she has to adjust to her new head!

loopstrange: a bobble hat might help

-- rainy (isitagir...), December 26th, 2002.

sorry but it HAD to be done

-- KATE (MASONICETC@ETC.ETC.ETC), January 31st, 2003.

(Kate I love you but that was really really funny.)

She broke up with him after going to meet him on a corner and finding him waiting for her with a David Copperfield-ish leather bomber jacket slung nonchalantly over his shoulder.

-- estela (estelaisale...), February 1st, 2003.

-- Oops (buttch9...), February 5th, 2003.

[now that's good corn]

-- Chantelle from the Missy video (sea...), February 6th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will this fiery apocalypse somehow be induced by a frenzy of dance moves? Please say yes.
-- mark p (m*****...), February 6th, 2003.

-- geeta (geet...), Today 9:47 PM.

"Please use clear words?
How bout these: go fuck yourself"
I don't see that this would have any survival value.

-- Rockist Scientist (rock...), February 6th, 2003. (link)

-- Chris Piuma (chris...), February 6th, 2003 1:24 AM.

I keep having psychotic visions of women developing the Keeper so that they could have an even more disgusting way of throwing menses at people.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 6th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(haha MENSES FIGHT! ew)
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 6th, 2003.

--------------------------------

No.
-- rolci (rolc...) (webmail), February 6th, 2003 3:48 PM. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i didn't say NB shd be shot, i said he shd be set on fire and have his kid taken away!!
however it's true, my gung ho attitude to pyromania and child abduction *are* two of the reasons society is so gnarled up today

-- mark s (mar...), February 6th, 2003.''

I was devastated when Steve Perry left Journey and they broke up. Although it seemed terrific at the time because "Oh Sherry" is fucking fantastic.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), February 6th, 2003.

-- Fuzzy (fozzi...), Today 4:30 PM.

Graham I have changed my mind - you must keep this bug feature in forever.

This may be the greatest response ever.

A brief history of Time

Runs for cover...

-- Dave B (REMOVETOREPLYdave.boyl...), February 6th, 2003 10:35 PM.

it really is. is that funny?
-- amanda (cmdrslapp...), Today 3:23 PM.

Have you tried whittling it?

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 7th, 2003 12:36 AM.

!!

-- o. nate (syne_wav...), February 7th, 2003.

Nirvana: nevermind. This is great < / sarcasm > haha. A++ in the sense of D --. In fact so D-- it's B!! ;-) A back-in-the-day front-of-the-bus triumph of a disaster. *You'll* "love" it of course (but hey, you KNOW what I think of you...) Pah (as we here at Guilty Pleasure Central say). DO YOU SEE?!!

-- mark s (mar...), February 7th, 2003.

nevermind

----

What is this thread about?
-- the pinefox (pinefo...), March 14th, 2002.

"Trapdoor Fucking Carburettor Dung" by Terry Knight And the Pack.
-- Duane Zarakov (pfaiga...), January 26th, 2001

-- mark s (mar...), February 8th, 2003.

-- Millar

Yes. Chen Kenichi can cook my dinner anytime!

Sakai has to be the truly lover-man of them all. But in the end, there is no denying the power:

The only celebrity I think I would actually want to be.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 16th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

fukui-san?

-- Aaron Grossman (aajjg...), January 16th, 2003.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

"GO, Ohta!"

...
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), January 16th, 2003.

-- Robin Carmoffit (onlykiddin...) (webmail), June 7th, 2002 1:00 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

haha,
wrong direction.

Yes it's a shame he only got to shoot one of them
-- Millar (tmilla...), February 9th, 2003. (later)

More proof that the French have no concept of justice
-- Millar (tmilla...), February 9th, 2003. (later)

Maybe there really *is* no original music or art or anything left in the world, and each generation of pop music has to reinvent the wheel and we're just sitting here, going "man, wheels are so Neolithic, man..."

-- kate (masonicboo...), February 10th, 2003 12:52 AM.

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), Today 7:29 PM.

-- jess (dubplatestyl...), January 26th, 2003 2:29 PM.

One morning at around 5am, 22 year old Susan DaLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she got up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole.

She wobbled to the toilet and, upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise known to mankind. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci, for the next few minutes, continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down
her leg was a stream of brown and green syrup.

The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg (which was bent across her other leg) to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina - at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger, wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucus. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.

The horrified medic turned to the toilet, as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to vomit, what he saw was so horrific that, to this day, he cannot look into a toilet bowl without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp, flipping and splashing at a furious pace.

Ms. DeLucci died from her ordeal. The post mortem revealed her death to be the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.

The investigation into her death revealed that two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. The coroner believes that while lying in the bath tub, she inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. A lesbian porn video was found in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail
joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings.

Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had excreted them when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period. Doctors believe that, at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Overnight, the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp had begun to double in size every ten minutes.  

-- Nick (nickdastoo...), December 6th, 2001.

font color=red size=7>NICK!

-- Mitch Lastnamewithheld (mitchnet7...), December 6th, 2001.

Colour me embarrassed and disgusted. That should have read : NICK!

-- Mitch Lastnamewithheld (mitchnet7...), December 6th, 2001.

that's one of those urban myth e-mails that went round earlier in the year isn't it?

thanks for refreshing my memory Nick, I don't think!

-- chris (cbrown...), December 6th, 2001.

Nickolarse! That's not the sort of thing I want to be reading when I'm munching on my meat and potato pasty. Plus it's been heard many times before, and the aside about the lezzer porn vid is the most laughable embellishment EVAH.

-- Trevor (tricyclic_loope...), December 6th, 2001.

I'm very sorry. I wasn't sure how widely told it was. I tried remembering it the other day and no one knew what I was on about, but I was in Southampton.

-- Nick (nickdastoo...), December 6th, 2001.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also your body parts are not detachable, as his are
-- Vic (Iodine99...), February 10th, 2003 3:35 AM.

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), Today 5:43 AM.

-- Nate Patrin (natepatrin550...), February 9th, 2003 11:52 PM.

what does the street POV have to do with, for example, "rapper's delight," the beastie boys, LL, or de la soul?

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), Today 12:37 AM.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

de la soul raps about potholes, can't get much more street pov than that

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), Today 12:40 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One time, when I was in high school, this guy got up on the stage at the Christmas assembly wearing jeans and a santa hat - with his guitar and a bow - and made lots of noise for about five minutes. At the end came the most confused round of applause I've ever heard - everyone was looking around at everyone else to see what they should be doing. Just sayin'.
-- Kim (grimstitc...), November 10th, 2002.

-- ethan (ethan...), February 18th, 2002.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), Today 8:05 AM. (later) (nabisco) (link)

-- Alan Trewartha, April 18th, 2002.

Oh my god this had me in tears here at work.

-- DV (dirtyvica...), Yesterday 11:07 PM.

-- Ally (mlescau...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

also nice curtains etc
-- mark s (mar...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

-- mark s

You should have heard the gufaws issuing forth from my work area.

Don't Look Back In Anger While I'm Fucking You In The Ass (mr swygart)
can't get you out of my ass (geeta)
Last Night a DJ Fucked Me in the Ass (jody)
Stop Me If You Think I've Fucked You in the Ass Before (mel w)
I Am Trying To Fuck You in the Ass (doug)

-- Amateurist (amateurist@h) (webmail), February 10th, 2003 8:13 PM. (amateurist) (link)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- felicity (felicityredwell@) (webmail), February 10th, 2003 8:16 PM. (felicity) (link)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- felicity (felicityredwell@) (webmail), February 10th, 2003 8:16 PM. (felicity) (link)

-- Aimless (aimles...), February 10th, 2003.

I laughed out loud cause I found this so insulting both to gay people and serious geneticists.

Becky Lucas

-- Millar (tmilla...), February 11th, 2003

And they keep getting faster.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), February 11th, 2003 9:44 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And they are easily replaced by machines.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003 11:04 PM.

I think it's silly to play favorites when there are so many lovely dogs.

-- Paul Eater (list...) (webmail), Today 10:10 AM. (later) (eater) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wonder if it was my old roommate Steve from Goulds, boy did he slobber.
-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), February 11th, 2003. (later)

So, I'm the only person on here that really likes the Dave Matthews Band, then?
-- Evan, February 11th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No no no.. We all love him.
-- dave225, February 11th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

right. this is all constructive criticism here, we just want him to be EVEN BETTER. or better yet, something else.
-- Horace Mann, February 11th, 2003. (later)

"they're pretty much looking for what any critic might: tenderness, flavor, aroma etc. "
oops, I thought this was the "what do men want out of a relationship" thread!

-- Horace Mann

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), Today 11:18 PM. (later)

That sounds like something from a gangster's handbook.
-- N

i wanted to be loved for being myself. now i dont give a shit.

-- donna (donnalorele...), Today 11:33 PM.

-- Bill E (bill_...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That would be hilarious.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(for both parties)

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hello ILX, this is my date (please limit ravishing to five minutes each thx)."

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"(and *I'll* deal with the double-penetration, thanks)"

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To anyone reading this thread out of context, that looks totally appalling.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Isn't that the porno version of 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles'?
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(the boat bits are boring)
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's Irish for 'Wine, women and song'.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"PHWOAR LOOK AT THE KEEL ON THAT ONE"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shall I drop anchor for you Dan?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"MY GOD YOU CAN SEE HER BARNACLES!"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shiver your timbers?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 12th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'VE NEVER SEEN PORTHOLES LIKE THAT, I BET THEY'RE FAKE"
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 11th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, Dan, his name was John and apparently he later wrote a hit novelty song about the experience.
-- nabisco (--...), February 11th, 2003.

(from the "Why haven't I had my period" thread.

-- Matt DC (runmd...), Today 2:55 PM. (later) (Matt DC)

I think it would be even better if you walked up to a group of people already deep in conversation and said, "Pardon me. I am so sorry for interrupting you, but I need to make a proposition to this fine lady..."
-- Sarah McLUsky (x77tigersxu...), Today 3:01 PM. (later) (coco)

Actually, to be truly chivalrous, you have to ask their father first.
-- Matt DC (runmd...), Today 3:03 PM. (later) (Matt DC)

What if you don't fancy him?
-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridges

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), January 22nd, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Has the one on the left eaten the one that uses the middle bowl?
-- Martin Skidmore (martin.skidmore...), January 22nd, 2003.

[snipped current picture of Kip Winger]

-- janni (jannyank...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a neighbor once who was at one time full of Winger. But that's what you get for being a groupie and having low self confidence.

-- Carey (flembac...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

-- fletrejet (fletreje...) (webmail), Today 11:32 AM. (later) (link)

-- Chris Piuma (chri...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

-- donut bitch (do...)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 12th, 2003. (later)

I like the idea that it could be about vaginal fisting (use your hands, indeed) , but it probably isn't. I hate everything else about it.

-- edward o (edward...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

-- g.cannon

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

femidoms. remember them?
-- DV (dirtyvica...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And the lubricant issue is solved *how*?
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you just have to work at it.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Working at it involves more squeaking than I am willing to deal with.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

obvious solution: WD-40.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THINK OF THE SHEETS.
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), February 13th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since I have no idea what the other Raggetts look like, I am forced to imagine a half-dozen Neds sitting around the living room watching tv and giving each other back massages.

-- Chris Piuma (chri...), February 12th, 2003. (Chris Piuma)

We couldn't tell if they were fucking or if he was smacking her around with a phone book. We finally decided that he must have been climbing on top of the dresser next to the bed and taking flying leaps at her.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), Today 3:44 PM. (later) (Dan Perry)

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (Lara)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

iYou can only give a good back rub if you want to. I often get bored as massaging a semi-naked boyfriend's with oil has a tendency to make my mind wander... The temptation to rub oil on myself takes over and then slip, slip, slide!!

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 13th, 2003. (Lara)

--------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.yesterdayland.com/images/popopedia/shows/toys/ty1286.jpg

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), February 13th, 2003. (coco)

-- stevem (bluesk...), February 13th, 2003.

-- nabisco (---...), February 13th, 2003. (later)

(P.S., Ned: I read this section of that thread to my bandmate... ;-)

Wanking at Tatu does not count as creativity, Tom.
-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 14th, 2003.

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 14th, 2003. (later)

-- felicity (felicityredwel...), February 14th, 2003. (later)

-- Amateurist (amateuris...) (webmail), Today 11:31 AM. (later) (amateurist) (link)

The idea of footnoting the explanation of "people" just caught me really funny :)

-- Andrew Thames (cleanbridge...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (Andrew Thames)
WARNING: DO NOT ALLOW ANDREW THAMES TO PERFORM ORAL SEX ON YOU.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (Dan Perry)

-- nabisco (--...), February 15th, 2003. (later) (link)

So is Graham. So is N.

Graham is very talented with computers.

Tom E: you know how you and I agree about doing Creative Things that are not posting to ilx? I have got a grebt idea for a Creative Thing that I would like you to do. It involves changing one large word on my recent Lloyd Cole article.

-- the pinefox (pinefo...), February 14th, 2003. (later) (link)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- jazmin cusse (jazchudios...), February 15th, 2003.

-- janni (jannyank...), February 15th, 2003 8:15 AM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How could I take that the wrong way? What, like as a suppository?
-- nickalicious (nza2342...), February 15th, 2003 8:52 AM.

When Avatar scores a point against alpha male / runt, hisses erupt from stalls. 'Leave off, he's not feeling himself today!' Avatar realises he has fatally failed to check phatic / grooming threads before weighing in.

Avatar, switching metaphors dangerously now, calls star witnesses to court; Shakespeare, Picasso, Chomsky and Lenny Bruce. 'Audience' pronounces Shakespeare, Picasso, Chomsky and Bruce cunts.

Thread continues for 536 more posts, 385 of which are from Avatar.

Avatar leaves message board for six months / minutes, or however long it takes for shagging and making pop records to seem less interesting than spinning out threads.

-- Avatar (nic...), October 27th, 2002 4:30 PM. (link)

AND, Sorry Martin:

Admittedly, I quite like being insulted, admittedly. It keeps my interest intact. And is anyone else up for insulting? As Steve Gerber demonstrated in issues 113-121 of Daredevil, the dark veneer conceals a hideous underbelly. And is anyone else up for comparing me to Ross Kemp? Admittedly my features might be somewhat obscured today by the 543 Proper 4CD box sets which I bought at a rock bottom price in the HMV sale. I must alphabetise these and prioritise their listening order, with enough free time to enable me to reach the Glasshouse Stores by, oh I'd say, 5:47 pm.

-- Martyn Skidmark (marcellocarli...), October 28th, 2002 12:33 PM. (link)

-- Jeff W (cworrel...), February 26th, 2002.

From the ILX Challenge thread.

You are so wise. No one here has anything to teach you. So I suggest that no one try.
-- Frank Kogan (edcasua...), February 16th, 2003. (later)

-- conner Smedley (conner66...), February 16th, 2003.

Answers

NOT IN MY NAME

-- stevem (bluesk...), February 16th, 2003.

-- andy paltridge (quirkmoos...), February 17th, 2003.

-- Vic (Iodine999@...), February 17th, 2003 3:58 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aargh, can someone just delete this thread please? Whoever the moderator is right now, please just delete it.
-- Vic (Iodine999@...), February 17th, 2003 4:00 PM. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vic, are you drunk all the time?
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrell@...), February 17th, 2003 4:04 PM. (later)

-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 17th, 2003.

-- leigh (melodynelso...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm intrigued now!

-- caitlin (wpsal...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His first initial is K, he's in his mid 30s and has seen the fall lots of times

-- leigh (melodynelso...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

[...]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kjohn Kpeel.

-- Pete (pb1...), February 17th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Chowder Head (bakedbean7...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And you're complaining?

-- Curtis Stephens (sevenxvii...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whatever anyone else wants. I don't understand any of them, just that they look nice.
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), February 14th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

cool stuff
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 14th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a rubbish idea.
-- Pete (pb1...), February 14th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Graphs of number of times Pete has shot down ideas.
-- felicity (felicityredwel...), February 14th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

here is my graph of my opinion of pete during that last post:
| \
|__

-- mark s (mar...), February 14th, 2003.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-- Millar (tmilla...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Answers
depends on the tits dunnit?
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Jess raises an important point.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Right so how big is too big, hmm?
-- Millar (tmilla...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Jess raises an important point.

-- Cozen (fm/am/md/c...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

don't worry, cozen--it's not your point.
-- RJG (r_gillander...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

Zing?
-- Cozen (fm/am/md/c...), February 17th, 2003. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

plus they wanna show Melissa Stark their wang
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know I do!
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's my position too, Martin, but we are now at the all-important "SHOW US THE LESBIAN ORGY" portion of the argument.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steps in an Argument
1. Introduce the topic
2. Give Your Position
3. Back Up Your Position w/clear, logical evidence
4. Show Them the Lesbian Orgy
5. Concluding Statements
-- oops (buttch9...), February 18th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- donut bitch (do...), February 17th, 2003.

-- Millar (tmilla...) (webmail), February 17th, 2003 6:25 PM. (later)

You can see it from our road too Gareth! It unites London ILXers.
I think it looks silly by day and rather wonderful by night. Isabel and I went to see a friend in Dalston and kept circling the gherkin on the way back.

-- Tom (ebro...), December 5th, 2002.

--------------------------------------------------------

I hope you weren't on the bus!
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), December 5th, 2002.

----------------------------------

dave...why are you doing this to me dave...don't take away my bright eyes records dave...
-- indykid9000 (ohthehumanit...) (webmail), June 6th, 2002

(the sad part is that i think the latter might have been me, but i cant remember.)

-- That Girl (dallasdeadgir...), February 16th, 2003.

chickenbear chickenbear chickenbear -- Kim (grimstitc...), February 15th, 2003.

Someone asks for Missy Lyrics -- jm (jimmythemo...), February 15th, 2003.

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what was it?
-- Mary (maj23...), February 19th, 2003.

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"kill them all"
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 19th, 2003.

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And let God sort em out?
-- Yanc3y (ystr1ckl3...), February 19th, 2003.

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yes. unfortunately one gray december morn i put his advice into practice. it took seventy federal marshalls to bring me down. now let us never speak of it again.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 19th, 2003.

http://members.aol.com/dubplatestyle/slothhoff.jpg

Why didn't he just leave it there?

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

Peesowt!

Yo ass betta not be pregnint or yo old man may be havin a hahtattak!

-- wutchootawkinboutwillis (el_matematic...) (webmail), February 19th, 2003 3:03 PM. (later)

-- Tim (hopkinsti...), February 18th, 2003. (later)

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Haha the delightful decoration = the decor in the toilets, rather than any self-aggrandisement on my part, obv.
-- Tim (hopkinsti...), February 18th, 2003. (later)

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Hm "my part" oh I wish I'd never said anything now.
-- Tim (hopkinsti...), February 18th, 2003. (later)

Only if he does the rumpshaker.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 19th, 2003.

Well, you didn't have to go and give it to the rest of us!
-- Nicole (nicolew1...), February 19th, 2003. (Nicole)

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What other human deformities would merit cannibalisation, Emma?
-- Tim (hopkinsti...), February 20th, 2003 12:22 PM. (later)

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tasting like sausage
-- mark s (mar...), February 20th, 2003 12:25 PM. (later)

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Oh but *all* babies taste like... oops.
-- Tim (hopkinsti...), February 20th, 2003 12:26 PM. (later)

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Any deformity which means you look more like something edible than something human e.g. having a curly tail & snout, having udders, being wrapped in foil etc.
-- Emma (emmaluvscak...), February 20th, 2003 1:34 PM. (later)

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wrapped in foil

just imagine you've just run the London Marathon, you've run your best time ever, you've been on the telly and you've raised oodles of money for charity....AND THEN SOMEONE COMES ALONG AND EATS YOU!!!

-- MarkH (mark_e_heste...), February 20th, 2003 1:47 PM. (later)

-- Callum (disposition_reflection_tria...), October 30th, 2002.

Along with my 'fremme neppa venette' (note: must remember to start a thread asking what this means) tee shirt i want one that says 'disco sux' just so i can look ironic and maybe get into the nme. failing that i shall form my Bush tribute band called Minge and bleat about macky dees whilst surgically attaching a bong to my lips. cuz like, people like that are generally crazy and make great pop star material.um. yes.
-- slit magnet (zxblectu...), October 30th, 2002.

It would be easier if you weren't such an arse.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), October 30th, 2002.

wha'?!? explain.
-- slit magnet (zxblectu...), October 30th, 2002.

oh him. i think. sorry, pro plus + essay = paranoia + incoherence
-- sm (zxblectu...), October 30th, 2002.

Both bands are inconsequential like all pop music. The rate of turnover in 2002 is frightening and journalists frantically grab onto any musical driftwood press officers put their way that pleases their ears. You muppet.

-- Sonicred (sonicre...), June 2nd, 2002.

Listen to me Sonicred you little piece of stale tramp jizz... OF COURSE I fucking fancied Louise you twat, I was a straight teenaged boy!!! If I come back as a gay teenaged boy in the next life I'll be sure and let you know if I fancy The Strokes as well.
Now, matey, if I simply judged music by whom I fancied then I'd be out there buying Kylie, Sophie Ellis Bextor and fucking Atomic Kitten CDs, but that just aint so. So keep your dipshit opinions where they belong: in your diary.

I don't dislike The Strokes either - if you'd read my posts you realise I like them a great deal, fab pop tunes and all. I just happen to think Sleeper have a lot in common with them, and produced BETTER pop tunes.

Case closed. Now go drown yourself in a bath full of goat wank.

-- Calum Robert (calumr...), June 2nd, 2002.

Calum
you're a funny muppet too

-- Sonicred (sonicre...), June 3rd, 2002.

The lofty silence is ruined by the crinkling of your foil underwear, Tim.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 21st, 2003. (later)

-- dave q (scrape10...), February 19th, 2003.

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Or 'bored' rates? "Today I posted to ilxor 347 times."
-- Nick Southall (n.j.southal...), February 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Or 'board' rates? "Last month I gave myself a 300% pay rise."
-- Nick Southall (n.j.southal...), February 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Thus concludes today's episode of Puns that are Only Puns for English People.
-- nabisco (--...), February 20th, 2003. (later) (link)

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You misspelled "wrench".
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 17th, 2003.

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Lavigne is pomo you shite fuck!
-- CharlieNo4 (charlie_iven...), February 20th, 2003.

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Fuck shit lavigne you groove armada fuck shitbrain
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 20th, 2003.

http://tfp.killbots.com/pics/tpic146.gif

(oh shit, that violates the restraining order! nooooo!!)

Kids! Listen and learn as man of action Jason Pierce ?pierces? together another one of his immortal rock classic Spiritualized anthems. Admire his skill and craftmanship as he weaves his magic to produce exactly the same song which he has been putting out for the last ten years ? from the most basic ingredients!

SCENE: A hushed studio in north-east London lit only by crimson lava lamps. Jason ?Piercing? Pierce sits crosslegged on the same carpet which George ?Harry? Harrison used to record ?Within You Lord My Piggies Pass? with a sitar in his lap which he may one day learn to play. He lays the sitar down carefully and picks up his dobro Stratofendercastpaul 1948 spat-upon-by-Gram-Parsons vintage guitar-shaped thing.

Behind him are seated his band of hired agency hands (contract-only, won?t complain about pay) keen with anticipation for the latest unformed outpouring from his personal Erato.

He solemnly strums a C major chord in adagio tempo, modulating to an E major chord, and then back again. The bass joins in, reproducing precisely the bottom note of each of these chords. After five minutes the drummer joins in, beating solemnly on his solitary tom-tom in the exquisitely pre-post-minimalist style of the Velvet Underground, whose song ?Heroin? sounds nothing like anything Spiritualized have ever recorded, for legal reasons.

At eight-and-a-half minutes the mouth of Jason ?Donovan? Pierce is pregnant with expiration of his unfettered emotional Camelot. He can bear it no more and begins to intone solemnly (not at all orgasmically):-

?Down. I?m comin? down. The only way is up. But I?m goin? down. Down. Down. Oh, my Sweet Lord. There?s blood on my tracks. I?m runnin? low on my smack. I?m comin? down. As opposed to sideways. Thinkin? of those lazy hazy crazy days. To leave my lover there must be 50 ways. The tracks of my tears. Holdin? back the years. Tears for souvenirs. But tears are not enough. I?m lookin? for some hot stuff. Baby tonight. Wanna feel alright. The heat is bendin? my spoon. I?m on the dark side of the moon. I can see the girl from Mars. Playin? my ten guitars. Never gonna give you up. I?m like a lonely pup. In a Christmas shop. Dancin? at the hop. But I?m comin? down. The drugs don?t work. Where?s Captain Kirk? A love supreme. Strange Brew by Cream. She?s got Bette Davis eyes. You?re the devil in disguise. My camera never lies. True love will never dies. My shit?s takin? an awful long time to cook. She got sexy eyes like Dr Hook. I read it in a book. Knight?s castle to rook. You made me realise. Baby what a big surprise. The girl who lives on heaven hill. Next door to Barnacle Bill. I?m feelin? oh so fine. Just like it was 1969. And I?m comin? down no more. Gonna knock on the green door. ?Cos I?m goin? high. High in the sky. Up where we belong. You can tell everybody that this is your song. Whoops, this ain?t Moulin Rouge. The nearest tube is street called Goodge. I?m getting? high! With my American Pie!?

The band suddenly erupts into a feedback-laden climax. Enter the London Community Gospel Choir, their faces beaming with joy as they think of making even more money out of singing dumb whitey public school shit.

?OH HAPPY DAY! OH MY SWEET LORD! OH RELEASE ME! WE ARE THE WORLD!!?

Repeat for 12 minutes, then add Terry Edwards and bloke who plays sax on Stereolab records to echo the primary two chords of the song precisely, and then indulge in some desultory free-form ?freakouts? (would like to do ?Ascension? but ?David? Jason Pierce has an eye on Steve Lamacq?s playlist. In any case he doesn?t know what ?Ascension? sounds like, having bought it second-hand in 1994 but never having played it).

Just as the whole stew is about to boil over, Jason ?Connery? Pierce adds the icing on the cake. He stops the whole ensemble to whisper:-

?Just say no to drugs. ?Cos baby it?s tragic. But just say yes. To boogie woogie piano magic.?

Yes! It?s Jools Holland to play the band out with some goodtime rolling boogie-woogie piano magic! Fade out: ?AbbbbababaBlueberry! Hill! Sam! Brown! Acoustic!? et fucking cetera.

-- Marcello Carlin (markcarli...), September 14th, 2001.

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 21st, 2003.

--------------------------------------------

Worst typo ever....
-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 21st, 2003.

-- Ernest P. (afternoon_trai...), February 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

What??? I dated Chris V. in college???

Oh and she also gave me a handjob to "Year of The Cat" by Al Stewart, which I'll never forget.

Oh, uh, I guess not...

-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), February 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

the least attention demanding rock record I've bought ever

I admit, the argument that in fact the Strokes should be treated as ambient background sound in an Eno sense works far better than any other claims made for the band. Then imagine turning the volume down even more.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 21st, 2003. (later)

haha, I meant it as a compliment
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 21st, 2003. (later)

Oh trust me, so am I. ;-)
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 21st, 2003. (later)

there aren't enough horrors in the day
-- Wintermute (wintermute_v0.3...)

----------

It means absolutely nothing to me.
Oh, Vienna.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), February 21st, 2003.

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I've already had that conversation, Kate. I believe my wife described it as "Imagine someone shoving cold spoons up your ass... ONLY IT ISN'T YOUR ASS."
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), February 21st, 2003.

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whose ass is it?
-- mark s (mar...), February 21st, 2003.

this sounds like the lifestyle of Ethan Padgett/Simon Trife!

-- Tad (llamasfu...), February 24th, 2003. (later)

and now my neck is broken from "in da club"

-- juiceboxxx (juiceboxx...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 7:46 AM. (later)

you can keep him.
-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 12:27 PM. (later)

Is "getting" 50 Cent really that difficult? I wasn't aware there was a beguiling subtext to his work.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 2:49 PM. (later)

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Ally, your post is a wonderland.
-- Jody Beth Rosen (edito...), February 23rd, 2003.

"Ben, Ben, yer snoring!"

*snoring*

"Ben, stop snoring!"

"NEVER!" *continues snoring*

-- Anthony Miccio (anthonymicci...), February 24th, 2003. (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: *whispers* I love you, honey.

Him: Only on sausages. *continues snoring*

-- Lara (lara_byrn...), February 24th, 2003. (later)

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heaney not yet born when i did o-levels
-- mark s (mar...), February 24th, 2003 12:28 PM. (later)

People all over the world: 'Oh.'

-- Millar (tmilla...), February 24th, 2003. (later)

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aw, he went to lunch as i was posting. oh well.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), February 25th, 2003. (later)

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eating lunch=not punk
-- james wright (j227wrigh...), February 25th, 2003. (later)

-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), February 24th, 2003 8:07 AM.

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and punch
-- mark p (m*****...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:37 PM. (later) (Mark P) (link)

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(benny hill music, and we all chase eachother offscreen)
-- Fritz Wollner (fritzwollner5...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:39 PM. (later) (Fritz) (link)

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this thread has been made possible by local 813: air vents, detachable skirts, old men, handbags, cartoon punks, and sign obscurers.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:40 PM. (later) (dubplatestyle) (link)

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also flags. don't forget the flags.
-- mark p (m*****...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:41 PM. (later) (Mark P) (link)

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....and the ever understanding citizens of Turkmenistan.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), February 24th, 2003 8:43 PM

(stretches out them old, weary, typed-out knuckles for ol' storytime...)

Allrightie, back in 1982 or 1983, my folks thought it would be "really cute" if I went on a game show. Being a fan of game shows at the time, I was quite excited. And living in 'da westside Los Angeles/Santa Monica area, there were plenty of easily driveable opportunities to do just that. Unfortunately, there was only room for a taping of a pilot of a rehash of "The Dating Game: Kid's Edition". (This is pre-Jeff MacGregor mind you) At that point, I became more apprehensive, but my folks goaded me into doing it, saying "Oh, come on! Didn't you always want to be in TV?"...

Don't ask me why, but given the scarce amount of participants, I somehow made it past the screening processes, being shy and socially inept for an 11-year-old and all. Fast forward to day of taping, skipping all the silly details in between..

Taping happens, blah blah. It's looking pretty obvious that Bachelor #2 (me) was obviously cast as the token "dork" bachelor, as the wishy-washiness of my answers would make Charlie Brown seem like Mr. T.

Anyway, the bachelorette. Oh yes, the wonderful little prissy princess that was the bachelorette. Keep in mind -- valley girl has struck it BIG in America at the time -- so out comes our little Tarzana sweetheart... introduction is made, etc. etc. etc.

Her name: Tunia Flambe.

Yes. Pronounced "Toonya Flambay"... Single hair clip, glittery shoes, fake gum chewing maneuvers and all... but with a disingenuous Tina Yothers quality to her.

I refuse to go into detail on what may still possibly be the most embarrassing moment of my life, but I do remember one of her questions to Le Bachelors: "Ok, so like we're going out getting ice cream.. and, like, this BIG DUDE, like, comes and threatens to steal me away and make me his.. would you, like,.. fight for me?"

Well, obviously, I didn't win.. that, ahem, lucky honor went to the Jason Hervey/Jason Batemen/Ricky Schroeder wannaba guy to my left. But of course, what's the staple consolation on any episode of "The Dating Game"? Right, you have to walk over, have some announcer guy bellow out a cheap 17-word bio on you, you walk over and hug the bachelorette.

Well I did that. Except that the hug was obviously too ambitious, as she slightly jerked, quickly whipped her hair back, and made a little "I'm annoyed" breathing sound, followed by "like... my hair."

The pilot never made it to TV. The next version (that would have Jeff MacGregor as the host) would actually become popular, but not mine.. which is easily the best thing to result from all of this, besides the fact that my family understood my grief and owned no VCR at the time, so I wouldn't have to fear the existence of "the tape", which we never requested.

That would end my fascination with valley girls for a long time to come -- until I'd realize, years later, that Moon Unit Zappa was still a cutie.

-- donut bitch (do...) (webmail), February 23rd, 2003 5:42 PM. (later) (donut) (link)

That post was so funny I choked on a spoonful of corn pops.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), February 25th, 2003. (later) (link)

Sir Sean Connery.

-- Mr Noodles (infinitec0w...), February 25th, 2003.

Loved when Glaswegians explain the slang etymology for something being 'Mickey Mouse' eg. shoddy: 'It's because it Disney work.'

-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), February 25th, 2003.

"Corgan seems to be pretty aware that he needs Chamberlain though, hence rehiring the guy and continuing on with him in Zwan. "
or does Chamberlain have dirt on Corgan? I mean Chamberlain killed a dude (unintentionally, but still...)?!?

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), February 25th, 2003.

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well, if your name was Jim Longdong, you would want to put that up front either way. but, point taken.
-- Al (hoteloper...), February 25th, 2003.

Maybe quitting my job is a better answer. I really do want to have a kid all of a sudden though.

-- Ally (mlescau...), February 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

Videos invented when Balonqk make funny shadow on cave wall while whistling "Theme From Running Away From Mastodon."
Great videos invented when Balonqk (now known as "Hype Balonqk") figures out a way to make venetian blind shadows.

And Cristal is involved somehow but me don't know how.

-- Neudonym (zinogu...) (webmail), February 25th, 2003

I really want a baby! But I can't even keep my cat fed, I'm like, "Oh, you've been out of cat food for two days? Here's some bread and left over eggnog. You are living the good life now, Mr. Kitty." Then he looks at me very sadly and eats my bills.

-- Ally (mlescau...), February 26th, 2003. (later) (link)

American Express is people!!!!!

-- Trayce (trac...), February 26th, 2003.

-- dave q (scrape10...), February 26th, 2003. (later)

-- No One (n...), February 26th, 2003.

-- Siegbran (siegbra...), February 25th, 2003 11:25 AM.

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So it's a pub rock record then?
-- Tom (ebro...), February 25th, 2003 11:26 AM.

--gygax

I dunno why this made me laugh. Perhaps it's because I imagine you being really concerned about the thoroughness of her collection while simultaneously plotting for booty. Or that she wasn't worthy unless her Sassy collection was complete.

Sorry, I was typing with my ridiculous penis

-- N. (nickdastoo...), February 27th, 2003.

"The supposed 'punks' now DO have the original punks as a reference point"

So pretty much like the punks had the original rock 'n' rollers as a reference point....

"which of course means that the whole meaning of the punk scene has been wiped away..... punk was new, vibrant, fresh, dirty, unacceptable...."

Much like rock 'n' roll had been 20 years previously....

"now 'piunk'is merely a lazy journo phrase, or a sad selling point for fat record execs to get rich over."

Much like rock 'n' roll had become by the time punk appeared.

Punk's about as valid and about as revolutionary today as rock'n' roll was before punk came along.

-- Stewart Osborne (stewart.osborn...), February 27th, 2003.

Stewart - your punk-follows-rock'n'roll claim is baffling in the extreme. And quite wrong, too.
Johnny Rotten got beaten up once, I remember, forshouting at some teddy boys that "Elvis lives in a wooden box"..... so I can't honestly see that there is much connection, can you?

-- russ t (russ.thoma...), February 27th, 2003.

another for the "russ t provides unintentional hilarity" file, methinks.

-- Tom () (), February 27th, 2003 5:52 PM.

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The Owl had hollow bones, which were presumably counterbalanced by his being a fat tub of lard.
-- Al_Ewing (al_work_har...), February 21st, 2003 8:49 PM. (later) (admin) (62.60.50.220)

what are your best practical longevity tips?

-- Sébastien Chikara (p_chikar...), February 27th, 2003 11:04 AM.

-- Chris Piuma (chri...), February 27th, 2003. (later) (link)

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Droit de seigneur

-- Tom (ebro...), February 27th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), February 27th, 2003 1:24 PM. (later)

(this was Mike Hanley, I forgot to copy the rest of it)

-- mark s (mar...) (webmail), February 27th, 2003 4:12 AM. (later)

-- dave q (scrape10...), August 30, 2001

Especially nutty considering the timing.

(It occurs to me that this would be a better story if it ended in a shitting frenzy.)

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), March 1st, 2003.
NO IT WOULD NOT BE.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), March 1st, 2003.
I was wondering where the soap would enter that story. Probably after the shitting frenzy.

-- Sean Carruthers (oneiro...), March 1st, 2003.

Linkin Park fans will grow up; DMB fans will always be huge asshats.

-- Jon Williams (x...), February 28th, 2003. (later)

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), February 28th, 2003. (later) (link)

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An Andy Garcia MOVIE that is.

-- Horace Mann (handsomishbo...), February 28th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- gareth

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), June 11th, 2002.

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mark you'd be amazed, I often just don't bother and wait the extra 20 minutes or so.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 28th, 2003.

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that's commitment
-- Cozen (fm/am/md/c...), February 28th, 2003.

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Yes when I see the smile on my little face, it's all worth it.
-- Ronan (ronan.fitzgerald...), February 28th, 2003.

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You carry a mirror around with you?
-- Cozen (fm/am/md/c...), February 28th, 2003.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), March 3rd, 2003 10:44 PM. (later)

If there was, the art colleges would rejoice so hard...
-- Dom Passantino (killallgoth...), March 3rd, 2003.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), September 24th, 2002 3:31 AM.

-- Nicole (nicolew1...), March 4th, 2003. (later) (link)

-- mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchnet7...), March 3rd, 2003 1:55 PM.