there's no such thing as a harmless LOL, there's no such thing as a gentle ROFL, there's no such thing as LMAO, who's got the EXCELSIOR?

haha, i don't understand. You mean because all the funny things are always said by ME and it's rude to quote myself? or you mean i hate all of you and never thought your jokes are funny?????!?!?!???

perplexed!!

-- ken c (pykachu10...) (webmail), May 12th, 2005. (link)

what's wrong with Man United? Or is there a g-a-y association that's already taken that name?

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), May 12th, 2005 6:44 PM.

Mostly because I can't work out whether or not this is a joke.

-- The Ghost of Only A Short Step Away (djperr...) (webmail), May 12th, 2005. (link)

[...]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NB Dan it's "Grey's Anatomy!" I find that really kind of hilarious, they've differentiated titles with a subtle spelling irregularity. (I assume there's also some character on it named Grey, making it a really lame triple / sexual pun?)

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), May 12th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wanna get
triple-sexual
witchoo
baby girl

I wanna get
dark chocolate
strawberry-cream
awwww

Double-boiled and
Triple-sexual
Not intellectual
Give it to me

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), May 12th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry, I'm bored.

-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), May 12th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It certainly looks dramatic.
-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), May 12th, 2005 2:24 PM. (vassifer) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HPENCIL AND HONOUR THE FIRE ARE STILL ALIVE OMGWTF
-- Eisbär (llamasfu...) (webmail), May 12th, 2005 2:33 PM. (llamasfur) (link)

By which you mean he's never had anyone arrested or murdered, or made hundreds of millions at the expense of the Russian people?

-- Matt DC (runmd...), May 12th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I for one welcome our psychopathic billionaire overlords.
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), May 12th, 2005.

The role of Mike Love is currently being played by Gerald McRaney.

-- Al Jardine (bucketsofbloo...), May 12th, 2005 9:06 PM. (later) (link)

An incredibly distasteful series of animated shorts wherein Ringo Starr and Paul MacCartneys sperm discuss the futility of life inside Brian Epsteins rectum.

-- On one hand I've got myself to blame (pau...), May 12th, 2005 1:24 AM. (later)

-- cavern (caver...), May 13th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dickon Edwards to thread
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 13th, 2005.

-- latebloomer: the rebel sound of grits and bacon (posercore24...), May 13th, 2005.

Perhaps you should put down the baby leg?

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), May 13th, 2005.

-- Sym Sym (shmuel...), May 12th, 2005.

He's very articulate, that's what I like most about him.

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), May 12th, 2005 6:34 AM.

Yes yes, so well spoken

-- Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (Mod...), May 12th, 2005 2:43 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

... that sounds like a review of "Je t'aime moi non plus" in some hippy mag circa 1969.
-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...) (webmail), May 13th, 2005 1:19 PM. (link)

http://www.rawjunk.com/files/1978645711.jpg

-- strng hlkngtn (for.this.bount...), May 12th, 2005.

back in 15

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), May 12th, 2005.

ihttp://www.flicklives.com/excelsior/cover.gif

-- teeny (teen...), May 13th, 2005.

what?

when she told me the next day i couldnt stop laughing.

-- battlingspacemonkey (sugarjunkie5...), May 13th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sleep talking is one of the funniest things in the world. My bro once woke me up with
"CHARLIE!! CHARLIE!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!???"
Me: "What? What?"
"THE GOLD! THE BLOODY GOLD! IT'S WORTH MONEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

and then sleep.

-- dog latin (doglati...), May 13th, 2005. (tracklink)

-- A homunculus of Darby Crash, .... created for the purposes of *EVIL* (showroo...), May 14th, 2005.

Damn you win : (

Can we trade memories?

-- M@tt He1geson (matt@game[remove]informer.com), May 14th, 2005.

The amount of rolls was of Olive Garden magnitude.

-- A homunculus of Darby Crash, .... created for the purposes of *EVIL* (showroo...), May 14th, 2005.

-- Michael Daddino (epicharmu...), October 4th, 2003 8:40 AM.

michael dont you think itd be kinda funny to have them come picket our RIP threads?

-- trife (...), October 4th, 2003 8:56 AM.

--------------

surely, every building is an architecture building.

-- cozen (skiplevel...), May 9th, 2005. (Cozen) (later)

-- moley (mol...), May 15th, 2005 8:39 AM. (later)

i am at work with an earache searching the web for other jobs.

-- mullygrubbr (fan...), May 15th, 2005 8:41 AM. (bulbs) (later)

I take your cv and read it slowly

-- moley (mol...), May 15th, 2005 8:45 AM. (later)

my cabaret voltaire?

-- mullygrubbr (fan...), May 15th, 2005 8:46 AM. (bulbs) (later)

uh..yes... lie back, lover. I want to ask you about your flexibility and commitment to team goals.

-- moley (mol...), May 15th, 2005 8:51 AM. (later)

-- mark s (mar...), May 12th, 2005.

do you have the number?

-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), May 12th, 2005.

i am going to make it up

-- mark s (mar...), May 12th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

what do the first 14 kurtcobainrulzes think tho? or indeed rethink?
-- mark s (mar...), October 16th, 2001. (link)

-- Mark Jumblie (mheng3000 @ yahoo.com), May 16th, 2005. (later)

Shine
by Slowdive

Shine
Waaaah
Clouds of ocean
Drag you down
Shine

Waah
I heard this band
I saw you floating
they were called
Wahh

Shine
They were called the Jumblies
They weren't very good
I saw you floating
I don't like the Jumblies

-- nabisco (--...), May 16th, 2005. (later)

--

How fucking hardcore would it be if they dug up Ethel Merman and threw her body at the audience?????

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), January 31st, 2005.

-- Gatinha (rwillmse...) (webmail), March 14th, 2003. (6 trackbacks) (link)

Answers

Twee-est thread ever.

-- Amateurist (-m-t--r-s...) (webmail), March 15th, 2003. (link)

Chris reminds me of my ex, who left me a voice mail message saying he was making $500 an hour as a prostitute, then told the judge in divorce court that he left that message because he still loved me and he wanted me to know I gave up great sex when I left him...

-- Dana Jones (danajones59...), May 11th, 2003.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), May 12th, 2005. (afarrell) (later)

"2. Buy official adapation, on sale for two months now
3. Read
4. Cry "

it's really that moving? awesome!

-- N_RQ (bl0cke...), May 12th, 2005. (later)

-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), May 16th, 2005 1:00 PM.

Was that Danny Baker?

-- mark grout (mark.grou...), May 16th, 2005 1:01 PM.

-- The Sensational Sulk (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), May 16th, 2005. (sexyDancer) (later)

-- milozauckerman (wooderso...), May 16th, 2005 9:16 PM. (miloaukerman) (later)

JITTERBUG
-- g e o f f (gffcnn...), May 16th, 2005. (later)

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy,
I got love in my tummy,
And as silly as it may seem;
The lovin' that you re giving,
is what keeps me livin'
And your love is like
Peaches and cream.
Kind-a like sugar,
Kind-a like spices,
Kind-a like, like what you do.
Kind-a sounds funny.
But love,honey
Honey. I love you.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy,
I. got love in my tummy,
That your love can satisfy;
Love, you're such a sweet thing,
Good enough to eat thing
And sweet thing, that ain't no lie.
I love to hold ya,
Oh love, to kiss ya,
Ooh love, I love it so.
Ooh love, you're sweeter,
Sweeter than sugar.
Ooh love, I wont let you go.

-- The Ghost of HE IS SINGING TO TEH PENIS (djperr...), May 17th, 2005 11:41 AM. (Dan Perry) (later)

obviously he didn't consider "choke down your wad" to be an appropriate title

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), May 17th, 2005 11:42 AM. (electricsound) (later)

-- mark s (mar...), May 12th, 2005.

this is one of the funniest things i have read.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), May 12th, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My roommate is trying to kill me with farts.

-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), May 12th, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TS: farts vs Drano.

-- VengaDan Perry (djperr...) (webmail), May 12th, 2004. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's a loaded TS. farts I guess.

-- Bryan (twp62y...) (webmail), May 12th, 2004. (link)

cripes
-- shine headlights on me, May 17th, 2005 4:28 PM.

Oh lordy dont tell my insane Kylie worshipping workmate. I'll never hear the end of it.
-- Trayce, May 17th, 2005 4:37 PM.

haha i told him anyway. I am evil.
-- Trayce, May 17th, 2005 4:39 PM.

-- electric sound of jim (electricsoun...) (webmail), April 23rd, 2002. (link)

-- Eric von H. (ephende...), May 17th, 2005.

i can't stop singing this to that Darkness tune.

-- milozauckerman (wooderso...), May 16th, 2005 4:16 PM. (miloaukerman) (link)

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), May 18th, 2005 9:48 PM. (kirsten) (later)

You're a girl. Girls should find the cock-piece beeautiful.

-- Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (Mod...), May 18th, 2005 9:50 PM. (ModJ) (later)

I doubt it.

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), May 18th, 2005 9:55 PM. (kirsten) (later)

I think I just like the color of the wood.

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), May 18th, 2005 9:58 PM. (kirsten) (later)

I might choose a synonym there.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), May 18th, 2005 10:14 PM. (Ned) (later)

Ned! Give me a synonym for "wood". In the context in which I meant it.

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), May 18th, 2005 10:16 PM. (kirsten) (later)

I mean, surely "lumber" would have been worse.

-- kirsten

-- dean? (power.strik...), September 3rd, 2004 3:32 PM. (deangulberry) (link)

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 18th, 2005 11:06 AM. (nostudium) (later)

Aww Marcello, come on, give me a hug!

-- PinXorchiXoR (pink{est}panther4...), May 18th, 2005 11:12 AM. (Pinkpanther) (later)

1. China, the country
2. "Behind the Music"
3. That compilation of ten Top One lists
4. That other, longer list. Remember?
5. Representative James F. Sensenbrenner
6. Manny Mota
7. Poop
8. The Edge (not his real name, interestingly)
9. No, YOU be quiet
10. Citizen Kane

-- Dr. Gene Scott (marcherinorang...), May 18th, 2005.

-- lauren (warmleatherett...), May 18th, 2005.

You read trucks.

-- Tep (icaneatglas...), May 18th, 2005.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 18th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is it because it's like blacking up for race awareness day?
-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), May 18th, 2005.

-- debden (debdenherringbon...), May 17th, 2005.

coincidence? I think so.

-- RJG (RJ...) (webmail), May 18th, 2005 4:21 PM. (RJG) (link)

when you're speaking to a couple and one of them mentions the other and they look at each other and make some sort of conspiratorial lovey-dovey gesture, classic or dud?

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), May 19th, 2005 10:38 AM. (trayce) (later)

you spelt "caffeine" wrong

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) ([email protected]), May 19th, 2005 10:41 AM. (Gear!) (later)

(I see Dom posted the whole thread last night)

"Who's up for another round of knock knock jokes?"
"He's dead"
"Right, better have a round of political discussion instead then"

-- Matt (Mat...) (webmail), May 19th, 2005. (link)

perhaps that is exempt

-- charltonlido (...), May 19th, 2005 5:06 AM.

no hive mind as long as you're here

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), May 19th, 2005 5:06 AM.

I hope he gets his legs back next issue and my ranting is all for nothing, but if that's not the case, WTF?

-- Flyboy (j_macar...) (webmail), May 19th, 2005. (link)

That was a bit of douchebaggery on my part, sorry.
-- giboyeux (skowl...), May 19th, 2005.

Vingar, water, and Splenda?

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), May 19th, 2005.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), May 19th, 2005 1:56 PM. (spencermfi) (link

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), May 19th, 2005 1:27 PM. (later)

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), May 19th, 2005 12:54 PM. (hstencil) (later)

----

Yor so FaMou$

-- LeCoq (leiffe...), May 19th, 2005. (later)

I love pent up sexual aggression funneled through overwrought tit for tats betwixt fanboys.

-- maria b (maria...), May 19th, 2005.

same thread:

if every thread here had to matter and have a point there wouldn't be much to fucking read, if anything

-- Amon (masses7...), May 20th, 2005.

-- robster (sithlor...), May 20th, 2005 9:09 AM. (robster) (link) (admin) (userip)

TWENTY YEARS

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), May 20th, 2005 9:14 AM. (papa la bas) (link) (admin) (userip)

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 20th, 2005 8:34 AM. (nostudium) (link) (admin) (userip)

my cat's breath smells like cat food.

-- g-kit (gregkitte...), May 20th, 2005 9:08 AM. (g-kit) (link) (admin) (userip)

every day... i hope they all survive with a good life.
-- mullygrubbr, May 20th, 2005 5:36 PM.

36 new threads every day pls. i don't give a shit about non aussies.
-- mullygrubbr, May 20th, 2005 5:36 PM.

-- David R. (quoteidio...), May 19th, 2005 8:20 PM.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), May 20th, 2005 5:38 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Man, now everyone will stop talking to me :(
-- Trayce (spamspanke...), May 20th, 2005 5:38 PM.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no, that's awesome. go on.
-- latebloomer: B Minus Time Traveler (posercore24...), May 20th, 2005 5:39 PM.

-- estela (estelaisale...) (webmail), May 20th, 2005. (link)

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) ([email protected]) (webmail), May 20th, 2005. (link)

Sometimes they wouldn’t make it out of the barrel, just a mist came out.
-- not-goodwin (godwin...), May 20th, 2005. (later)

rofflecopter

I owned a small umbrella when I was young and, for some reason, I thought the stylish thing to do when walking with an umbrella was to sort of swing it to and fro in a jaunty manner. I tried this on a Chicago street on day when outside my grandmother's apartment and almost immediately poked some poor old woman in the eye. She began chasing me and swinging her purse at the back of my head, and I was running down the sidewalk, crying, saying "sorry!" over and over again. She was pretty fast, fast enough to clock me a couple of times with her purse, but not fast enough so that I wasn't able to outrun her.

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) ([email protected])

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

masturbate to alf
-- strng hlkngtn (secre...), May 20th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(needless to say when i got to high school i had a very weird idea of what "eat pussy" meant.)
-- strng hlkngtn (melma...), May 20th, 2005.

-- M. White (deir...), May 20th, 2005. (Miguelito) (later)

It's because Chuck wouldn't drive him to the airport.

-- rasheed wallace (kanestbkly...), May 20th, 2005. (rasheed wallace) (later)

See I can understand how that would make you want to just bring the whole fucking thing down with you.

-- M. White (deir...), May 20th, 2005. (Miguelito) (later)

See the Empire were Mike Kelly people, while the Republic were Chuck Lane people.

-- rasheed wallace (kanestbkly...), May 20th, 2005. (rasheed wallace) (later)

i'm going home

-- the black black black hand (ada...), May 20th, 2005.

Really? At 6 of the am?

-- M. White (deir...), May 20th, 2005.

6AM SURROUNDED BY SOCCER HOOLIGANS! IT IS TO BE LOOKED FORWARD TO!

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), May 20th, 2005.

I'll be there.

-- M. White (deir...), May 20th, 2005.

You hooligan.

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), May 20th, 2005.

Yeah. That's me, the sweet and tender hooligan.

-- M. White (deir...), May 20th, 2005.

You sound like a szechuan dish now.

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), May 20th, 2005.

Eat me!

-- M. White (deir...), May 20th, 2005.

ZING!

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), May 20th, 2005.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), May 21st, 2005 10:47 PM. (vassifer)

Especially Killing Joke.

-- Aja (AsiaKitty200...), May 21st, 2005 10:49 PM. (aja)

god made the loaf too.

-- s1ocki (slytus...), May 21st, 2005.

Perhaps so, but a lesser god.

-- Aimless (aimles...), May 21st, 2005.

??!?!! It is "cold" and she don't wanna get up.
-- A homunculus of Darby Crash, .... created for the purposes of *EVIL* (showroo...), May 21st, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

rethink your priorities.
-- Josh

-- DJ Martian (altmartinu...), May 21st, 2005 8:45 PM. (djmartian) (later) (link) (admin) (userip)

Man, this is really awful....did they lose their drug connection or something?

-- Space Is the Place (tuffgnarl...) (webmail), December 31st, 2004. (Space Is the Place)

is having a camel toe a good thing or bad? (9 new answers, 37 total)
Join me in anticipation of tonight’s two-hour CSI, with special director Quentin Tarantino! (21 new answers)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), May 20th, 2005.

-- Forksclovetofu (forksclovetof...), May 23rd, 2005 1:58 AM. (Forksclovetofu) (later)

Greg Kot: "hey yeah you stood for all these watered down post-punk values and now you've betrayed them all and it sucks."

Bono: "Ah what you don't realize is that we are reinventing the wheel. The black race is greedy too, but we represent the white race. It's not our politics that changed the world, its actually our outstanding song writing and our lovely faces. It's not about the message, its about the medium. It's hard to make a living these days, what with being a rock star all of my adult life. Oh, the things we do for money. But we do them because we have a message. That Apple is cool looking. Did you know my dad died? KNEEL BEFORE ME, SON OF JOR-EL! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!"

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), May 23rd, 2005. (later)

"P.S. I gave to UNICEF this year so I am above all criticism."

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), May 23rd, 2005. (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

in his rêves
-- willem (zuurbeckj...), May 23rd, 2005. (willem)

-- Richard RD (richard*@h*tmail.com), May 23rd, 2005 11:54 AM. (link)

-- milozauckerman (wooderso...), May 23rd, 2005. (later)

-- Lovelace (futilecrime...) (webmail), May 23rd, 2005 11:06 AM. (Lovelace) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The right lubricant could get you down to one, two times at most.
-- nabisco (--...) (webmail), May 23rd, 2005 11:30 AM. (nabisco) (link)

-- kyle (akmonda...), May 23rd, 2005 11:49 PM. (akmonday) (later)

yes, you aren't married.

-- RJG (RJ...), May 23rd, 2005 11:51 PM. (RJG) (later)

[snip]

-- -rainbow bum- (synthenoi...), May 24th, 2005 1:57 PM. (-rainbow bum-) (later)

really tho, that whole thread is absolute gold.

Well it was still funny anyway ;)

-- msp , May 24th, 2005. (mspa)

-- The Sensational Sulk (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), May 24th, 2005.

I blame Carl Marks
-- Dadaismus (dadaismu...), May 24th, 2005.

Jay: the crazy frog is a cartoon frog, who makes a crazy noise, and performs a crazy version of "Axel F" by Harold Faltermeyer. I blame The Manual.

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...) (webmail), May 24th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

you mean I can download a degree from grokster?
-- kyle (akmonda...), May 24th, 2005. (later)

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), May 24th, 2005 6:12 PM. (Groke) (link)

-- gabbneb (gabbne...), May 18th, 2005.

Fuggit - I'm putting my tattva on the glass.

-- David R. (quoteidio...), May 18th, 2005.

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), May 25th, 2005 3:12 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

Merimbula! Where you'll reach the sky.

-- mullygrubbr (fan...), May 25th, 2005 3:15 PM. (bulbs) (later)

Merimbula! Where the lawn bowls club is four stories high.

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), May 25th, 2005 3:18 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

Merimbula! Where depressed 70 year olds learn to fly

-- mullygrubbr (fan...), May 25th, 2005 3:35 PM. (bulbs) (later)

Merimbula! Where Pambula is only 6km awye

-- Autumn Almanac (ada...), May 25th, 2005 3:37 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

(disclaimer: possibly only funny to Australians)

- After watching a show about how you could make a tiny wind-up car out of a matchbox and an elastic band followed by a show featuring a sit-in electronic car for very very rich kids, I figured I should pester my Dad to help me build a giant one of these elastic propelled cars. I remember him going "But how are we going to make the wheels? Where are we going to get a giant elastic band?!".

- After watching 3,2,1 I also figured it would be very easy to build a robot out of a dustbin.

- I wanted to be a cartoonist when I was eight and designed a whole book of comic strips centring around a character called Brian the Mouse and his friends. In a shop on a visit to America I went round shaking a magic 8-ball shouting "Will I be a cartoonist when I grow up?!".

- In true Calvin and Hobbes style, I saved up tokens off the back of Ricicle packets and sent off for some cardboard specs that were supposed to turn you into another person when you moved your head. I was so disappointed that all they did was change colour. "Well I wouldn't want you changing into another person" said my Dad.

-- dog latin (doglati...), May 24th, 2005 4:52 PM. (dog latin) (later)

(Madchen's also made me laugh out loud, but DL made me laugh about 6 times in the space of this one post :))

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), May 25th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wayne Rooney?
-- Onimo (gerry.wat...) (webmail), May 25th, 2005 9:05 AM. (GerryNemo) (later)

Sorry to spoil your fun, but I am afraid all of those songs were indeed made by humans :)

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), May 25th, 2005. (later)

60. Geir Hongro "A Message From Melodica"

-- Sociah T Azzahole (stevem7...), May 25th, 2005. (later)

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), May 25th, 2005.

-- The Brainwasher (bornliveddie...), May 25th, 2005.

She was great on Kimmel.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), May 25th, 2005.

She was on Kimmel.

-- PappaWheelie (pappawheeli...), May 25th, 2005.

She was on.

-- Sterling Clover (s.clove...), May 25th, 2005.

Was she?

-- MindInRewind (mbvarkestra197...), May 25th, 2005.

She was.

-- PappaWheelie (pappawheeli...), May 25th, 2005.

-- NickB (nic...), May 26th, 2005 10:42 AM. (NickB) (later)

Well, theoretically. I mean nowadays if you see a dude dressed like Han Solo it means he's a total dorkpants and is going to keep bothering me to dress up like Princess Leia, which I haven't done since I was 4.

-- Allyzay is not appropriate for freedom (...), May 26th, 2005. (allyzay) (later)

-- PJ Miller

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005. (ken c) (later)

Your deficiency is that you engage in subjectivist argument, rather than structured argument as I do. Were you to look at the moral
spuriousness of sexual intercourse from the Pauline as opposed to the Nazarene perspective, you would realise that these
definitions are the only ones necessary for the survival of cold rationalism.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 26th, 2005. (nostudium) (later)

i said get one dictionary, not one thesaurus.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005. (ken c) (later)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It works! It really works!
Hard part is keeping it up.

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), May 26th, 2005 9:44 AM. (kenan) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No comment!
-- Sarah McLusky (x77tigersxu...), May 26th, 2005 10:16 AM. (coco) (later) (link)

Orange: you are sunny and vivacious.
Banana: you are tall, skinny, and moody.
Apple: you are strong, hearty, and reliable.
Cherry: you are sweet, bubbly, and sexy.
Grapefruit: you are edgy, cynical, and tart.
Pear: you have a big ass.

-- nabisco (--...), May 26th, 2005. (nabisco) (later)

Which of the following movies would you watch: Austin Powers, A Clockwork Orange, Rocky IV, Sleepless in Seattle, or Alladin?

Austin Powers: you laugh easily and often.
A Clockwork Orange: you are interested in the arts.
Rocky IV: you enjoy sports, and may have a penis.
Sleepless in Seattle: you like dating men.
Alladin: you are a child.

-- nabisco (--...), May 26th, 2005. (nabisco) (later

The name and address made me laugh.

([email protected])

-- moley (mol...), May 26th, 2005 9:13 AM. (later)

Answers

Do you have a Little Book of Calm?

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), May 26th, 2005 9:17 AM. (spencermfi) (later)

vomit; spew out or up, belch forth, regurgitate, throw up, gag, retch, heave, (colloq) puke, sick up, chunder, barf, upchuck, toss (one's) cookies, spiff (one's) biscuits.

-- estela (estelaisale...), May 26th, 2005 9:18 AM. (estela) (later)

Can we get one of the tracks for the next ILX comp?
-- JW (J...), May 27th, 2005.

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You have an ILX camp? What is happening there little rabbit? Are you all huddled in the tent listening to the gentle melodious melodies of MIA and patting yourselves on the backsides while outside the wind is howling?
-- Sami Jheryllkanyga (grot...), May 27th, 2005.

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These fools critically analyse themselves all day and say things such like, 'Oh, oh, what is to wear in Autumn fashion', and 'How do you make your sandwich to taste' and so forth. I would not even use them for human sacrifice.
-- Janne Karlsson (dea...), May 27th, 2005.

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I am giving you track for next ILX camp! It is dark track and leads where you will not know know. Follow track little rabbit. Follow track into darkness of forest. Nice man is waiting.
-- Sami Jheryylkanyga (grot...), May 27th, 2005.

soul koan
"I want to hear everybody out there put their hand together."
-- Ken L (lauter...), May 26th, 2005 4:30 PM. (Ken L) (later)

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What is wrong with a crunchy taco shell with seasoned ground beef, iceberg lettuce, chopped tomatoes and cheddar? Does it taste bad? If anyone says it actually tastes bad, well, I just won't believe you.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), May 27th, 2005 1:35 PM. (spencermfi) (link)

-- the black hand (ada...), May 27th, 2005. (later)

No, boobs did that.

-- n/a (nu...), May 27th, 2005. (Nick A.) (later)

-- JOnjjOnnjoN (Eric Prost@ho

-- Nellie (nellskie...), May 28th, 2005. (nellskies) (later)

No weirdness here shorty, put that shit on autodrip cuz this coffee aint getting any hotter ya smell meh?

-- LeCoq (leiffe...), May 28th, 2005. (LeCoq) (later)

Did I really say this? At two in the afternoon?

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), March 22nd, 2005

-- Alba (...), May 29th, 2005. (Alba) (later)

Well, they don't have to have smaller boobs. I don't think these things have to be a trade-off. Though Saskia really could do with smaller boobs. They are kind of ridiculous.

Makosi's bum is great.

-- Alba (...), May 29th, 2005. (Alba) (later)

CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE... Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very
creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior or but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005 2:38 AM. (ken c) (later)

ken c, we should totally fuck.

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), May 26th, 2005 2:38 AM. (kenan) (later)

do you have a vagina?

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005 2:39 AM. (ken c) (later)

After a fashion.

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), May 26th, 2005 2:39 AM. (kenan) (later)

i dont settle for anything average in life

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005 2:39 AM. (ken c) (later)

I have a chocolate vagina.

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), May 26th, 2005 2:41 AM. (kenan) (later)

ok, let's fuck

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005 2:41 AM. (ken c) (later)

or at least i'll eat you out.

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005 2:41 AM. (ken c) (later)

I don't think you understand how totally disgusting my last post was, and how sorry I am for it.

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), May 26th, 2005 2:42 AM. (kenan) (later)

oh no! you meant a bum!!!

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 26th, 2005 2:42 AM. (ken c) (later)

Now looks like Fenerbahce, the CHAMPIONS of their country will be moved aside to make way for England's glorious 5th placers.

-- Onimo (gerry.wat...), May 29th, 2005 9:48 AM.

Not that I imagine for a second that The Lex will be popping his head back round the door of this thread, but Channel 4 just said they are repeating that episode of Desperate Housewives on Tuesday this week for all the people who missed it because of the football. People power!

-- ailsa (ailsa_watson7...), May 28th, 2005 9:09 PM.

Rule of the mob more like. You realise this means that Channel 4 have bumped a documentary about Turkish tapestry that I'd been looking forward to for ages?

-- Alba (albab...), May 29th, 2005 11:58 PM.

-- Huk-L (...), May 30th, 2005. (later)

-- Leslee Wright (LRWrighte...), May 30th, 2005.

-- Ian Riese-Moraine betta run and grab your clock! (eastern_mantr...), May 31st, 2005.

Careful - you wouldn't want her to get a yeast infection

-- caitlin (wpsal...), May 31st, 2005.

It's curiosity that stops me - curiosity about what might happen next in my life.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 31st, 2005 2:38 PM. (nostudium) (later)

Indeed, Marcello. There's no way to predict life-changing moments, but when they hit, you wonder how you ever doubted Tuomas would show penis!

-- LeCoq (leiffe...), May 31st, 2005 2:45 PM. (LeCoq) (later)

My curiosity doesn't quite stretch that far.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 31st, 2005 2:46 PM. (nostudium) (later)

Luckily my penis does.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), May 31st, 2005 2:47 PM. (Tuomas) (later)

*puke*

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), May 31st, 2005 2:48 PM. (nostudium) (later)

gag?

-- ken c (pykachu10...), May 31st, 2005 2:48 PM. (ken c) (later)

Big.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), May 31st, 2005 2:49 PM. (Tuomas) (later)

Um, I watch a lot of throatfucking, and I'm pretty sure the gag comes before the puke.

-- LeCoq (leiffe...), May 31st, 2005 2:50 PM. (LeCoq) (later)

Meanwhile:

jess and ned kinda cancel each other out

?! Context?

-- j blount (jamesbloun...), May 31st, 2005.

-- edd s hurt (eddshur...), May 31st, 2005.

Who is W. Mark and why did he feel Deep Throat?

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), May 31st, 2005. (later)

I think this belongs on the 'what are your tastes in porn' thread.

-- Sociah T Azzahole (stevem7...), May 31st, 2005. (blueski) (later)

He's really into stuff right now where the title is also the main character. I imagine this will continue into the teens.

-- nickalicious (nickaliciou...), May 31st, 2005 3:21 PM. (nickalicious) (link)

Why does Ned Raggett hate Belle and Sebastian with such unbridled intensity?

-- Alba (albab...) (webmail), May 31st, 2005. (link)

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this means that anybody hearing it for the first time has no idea what he found!
-- miccio

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OH MY GOD IT'S A .........
-- miccio

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RBREURB
-- j blount

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 1st, 2005 2:16 AM. (Ned) (later) (link)

You have a friend that raises money for capoeira by buying toilet paper?
-- giboyeux

Buy selling toilet paper. They buy toilet paper on stock price, then sell it to folks with a bit higher price. I think it's a common way to raise funds.
-- Tuomas

No. No it is not.
-- giboyeux

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) ([email protected]), June 1st, 2005. (later)

-- Tim Finney (tfinne...), May 31st, 2005.

If you'd been paying attention, lad, I did that several posts upthread.

To reiterate and expand: is anyone else here familiar with the guitar music that has come out of Japan over the last decade and a half, most of which makes Loveless sound like Santo and Johnny?

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), June 1st, 2005. (later)

"If you'd been paying attention, lad, I did that several posts upthread."

Thanks for the heads up Marcello, but it would be helpful if you set yr browser to allow sarcasm tags.

-- Tim Finney (tfinne...), June 1st, 2005. (later)

(I narrowly avoided writing "I feel like fucking Pavlov's dog.")

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 1st, 2005 6:22 AM. (later)

(What kind of bell triggers that?)

-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...), June 1st, 2005 9:37 AM. (later)

-- C J (CJ_The_Unrul...) (webmail), June 1st, 2005. (link)

man ilx is dork central!

-- cinniblount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 29th, 2004.

-- Leon hearts Crazy Frog (nicole.kessle...), June 1st, 2005. (later)

With any cosmetic surgery, your first concern should be price. Those doctors will try to gouge you. Shop around for the absolute cheapest surgeon you can find. Often, you can find a really cheap surgeon hanging out behind free clinics and methadone stations. These people know their stuff. And stuffing is what you want them to do after all.

Even though they're good, and cheap, and good and cheap, don't be afraid to ask your health care professional the tough questions: Do you sterilize the icecream scoop used in the procedure before AND after each surgery? Do you have any outstanding warrants?

I wish you luck. And after you have your implants inmplanted, come back to this forum for advice on how to dye your hair to match your new enormous buttocks!

You go girl!

-- Skottie (n...) (webmail), April 28th, 2004.

-- ddb (stupidpum...), June 1st, 2005.

is that st3ph3n w4l5h?

-- cutty (holle...), June 1st, 2005.

I DONT THINK SO...REMIND ME TO CHECK STEVE'S TAINT NEXT TIME WE SEE HIM

-- ddb (stupidpum...), June 1st, 2005.

Yeah, I gotta give them credit for pretty much sticking with the books that are philosophically strong/intriguing/innovative enough to, you know, actually worry about if you are of the neo-conservative bent.

-- L'Histoire d'Eric H. (ephende...), June 1st, 2005. (Eric H.) (later)

... and Mein Kampf.

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), June 1st, 2005. (afarrell) (later

You know the really weird thing about this picture?

IT FINALLY LOOKS PURPLE

In response to the word "wuv".

That's a nice way of saying they bore you for a noodly hour before giving you some for five minutes. I mean, I was on acid the one time I saw Phish, and I was still completely bored. The absolute nadir came when they did Also Sprach Zarathustra for 15 minutes with no demonstration whatsoever of the sense of awe and dread built into that composition. And then on the road home some girl gave my friend a handjob the whole way, with as little sense of audience as Phish had. It's possible I just saw like their one bad show, but man the whole night was bad enough for me to close my heart to them.

-- beta ray bill (smit...), June 2nd, 2005. (later)

-- jones (victorygarden...) (webmail), June 2nd, 2005. (link)

1. It Was Supposed To Be Rhodesia
2. Could Well Be Famine
3. Not Malnourished
4. Blinded By Vitamin A Deficiency
5. I Wouldn't Be Severely Underweight
6. Get Out of My Improvised Dwelling
7. HIV+ But You Don't Know It
8. Such A Doro Wat
9. What Is A Vaccine
10. Flies In Your Eyes
11. Empty Cans

-- TOMBOT (hilarit...), June 2nd, 2005. (later)

---

I have seen the rushes. Like Japan, the result is unmitigated exoticism by way of subtractive process.
Peter Unpronouncable name from Heavenly says at the end of every episode "It would appear that Geordie Mick has consumed all the milk" beofre splitting his infinitives yet again.

-- Roger O'Donnell (Nowi'vebeenkickedoutthecureidontknowwhattodo @ tears.com), June 2nd, 2005. (later)

-- kirsten (kickyouintheshin...), June 1st, 2005 4:19 PM. (kirsten) (link)

oh, you mean the socialist smock store?

-- The Sensational Sulk (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), June 1st, 2005 4:20 PM. (sexyDancer) (link)

Damn it. I just want to be successful, not screw everyone over!

-- ReNTBAPA: Resolute Not To Be A Prick Anymore (mycatisstaringatm...), June 2nd, 2005 3:15 PM. (Unfortunate Prankster) (later) (link)

that's like saying you want to fuck men, but you don't want to be gay.

-- Shakey Mo Collier (audiobo...), June 2nd, 2005 3:17 PM. (later) (link)

Now I see why Tom Cruise is into it.

-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...), June 2nd, 2005 3:18 PM. (Pleasant Plains ///) (later) (link)

-- Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (eastern_mantr...), June 2nd, 2005 10:23 PM. (Eastern Mantra) (later)

Ned said that?!

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 2nd, 2005 11:54 PM. (electricsound) (later)

ned appears to be turning into marcello.

-- mullygrubbr (fan...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 7:25 PM. (bulbs) (later) (link)

Gareth is quite tall.

-- From Zero To Drunk In Twenty Dollars (adamr...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 7:25 PM. (nordicskilla) (later) (link)

taller than ned?

-- mullygrubbr (fan...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 7:25 PM. (bulbs) (later) (link)

we've all turned into grandmothers.

-- From Zero To Drunk In Twenty Dollars (adamr...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 7:26 PM. (nordicskilla) (later) (link)

-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), June 2nd, 2005 4:09 PM. (afarrell) (later) (link)

Just be yourself, if they don’t like you, so what no one dies.

-- not-goodwin (godwin...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005. (not-goodwin) (later)

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there's that "be yourself" advice again...
-- to let - flats (theundergroundhom...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005. (Jody Beth Rosen) (later)

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instead of being yourself, you should try and be your dad. see you have the same genes and whatever he did got him a wife.
-- ken c (pykachu10...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005. (ken c) (later)

as much as i hate maxwell, i am actually quite ipressed that he hasn't smacked kamal yet, who apart from the bath in the bin, which was funny, should have been punched almost continuously throughut the show.

-- stelf)xxxx ([email protected]), June 3rd, 2005.

-----------------

is he an artist? "Kemal: Award winning belly dancer" it says on their site. and where would the world be without people willing to dress up in drag and shae their bellies? it would grind to a halt, that's where.

-- koogs (il...), June 3rd, 2005.

literally grind.

-- Sociah T Azzahole (stevem7...), June 3rd, 2005.

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Why is 'showing off for the cameras' a meaningful insult to throw at a BB contestant? By definition, they are all disposed towards that and expected to display it.

-- Martin Skidmore (lonewolf.cu...), June 3rd, 2005.

because they're all gimps.

-- g-kit (gregkitte...), June 3rd, 2005.

-- scott seward (skotro...), June 3rd, 2005.

-- Forksclovetofu (forksclovetof...), June 3rd, 2005.

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Ah, well... looks like the Arbus ended May 30, anyhoo. Max Ernst it is.
I missed the Basquiat.

No, it ends Sunday. Go now!

-- kenan likes art, but feels inadequate when discussing it (kena...), June 3rd, 2005 1:52 PM. (later) (link)

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I'm in S.F. Unlikely.
-- M. White (deir...), June 3rd, 2005 1:54 PM. (Miguelito) (later) (link)

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Don't be such an Adolf Quitler, M.
-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), June 3rd, 2005 2:03 PM. (later) (link)

Boobs pressing on boobs.
-- n/a (nu...), June 3rd, 2005 3:10 PM. (Nick A.)

-- Homosexual II (mandeewrigh...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 8:14 AM. (Homosexual II) (later)

Maybe they just didn't scrape deep enough.

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 8:22 AM. (Tuomas) (later)

Er, I mean, metaphorically speaking...

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...) (webmail), June 3rd, 2005 8:24 AM. (Tuomas) (later)

-- Ian Riese-Moraine's all but an ark-lark! (eastern_mantr...), June 3rd, 2005. (Eastern Mantra) (link)

Answers
I don't think they sell bullets at Target, so they're screwed.
-- n/a (nu...), June 3rd, 2005. (Nick A.) (link)

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Plus there's the unfortunate logo.
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 3rd, 2005. (Dan Perry) (link)

my head hurts.

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), June 3rd, 2005 3:10 PM. (later)

forget it miccio, it's chi-town

-- strng hlkngtn (sorr...), June 3rd, 2005 3:12 PM. (later)

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Nobody ever noticed she had eyes before, Jet.
-- StanM (Stan10...), June 3rd, 2005.

-- LeCoq (leiffe...), June 4th, 2005 7:33 PM. (later)

-- o. nate (syne_wav...) (webmail), June 4th, 2005 12:26 AM. (onate) (later) (link)

er, Stray Cats.

-- o. nate

-- milozauckerman (wooderso...), June 4th, 2005.

well, i'm shocked no one nominated "catcher in the rye."

-- J.D. (aubade8...), June 4th, 2005.

haha

Mark David Chapman did.

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), June 4th, 2005.

I've been listening to the album a fair bit since buying it. Second half is great, first half is patchy - Date with the Night is infuriatingly tuneless, which is a great shame. More like Modern Romance/ Maps and Y Control would be preferable.

Gonna copy this and give it to my gfriend to see what she thinks.

-- Music Mick (mmic...), June 5th, 2005. (later)

so you're going to put on a wig and talk to yourself in the mirror?
-- s1ocki (slytus...), June 5th, 2005. (later)

Kibi, mebi, tebi, pebi and exbi
They sound like a Finnish cartoon about frogs that form a rock band!

-- joseph cotten (), June 5th, 2005 6:46 AM. (later) (link)

I dunno. I like Hugh Jarseman.

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), June 6th, 2005 2:11 PM. (trayce) (later)

You just like him 'cos he's doing the new aranofsky movie, you big goth tart.

-- Michael Stuchbery (mikeybidnes...), June 6th, 2005 2:20 PM. (Mikey Bidness) (later)

Big Aussie Butt in GloomBastard, a Darren Aronofsky confection.

"I was thinking about this --"

RAPID JUMP CUT!

*Clint Mansell arrangement*

"Hm. Doom."

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 6th, 2005 2:22 PM. (Ned) (later)

at least they're upfront about it. every "innocent" conversation has a post-hangup coda, unseen by the female half, wherein the male cries softly to himself and masturbates into a crusty copy of Alternative Press.

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) ([email protected]) (webmail), June 6th, 2005. (Gear!)

snik snik snarl goes the trolleyyyyy
-- cutty (holle...), June 6th, 2005.

And then all I saw was a load of bushes.

-- Tom (freakytrigge...), June 6th, 2005 10:27 AM. (Groke)

-- Comstock Carabinieri (copp...), June 6th, 2005.

How about unpersonation? Or more simply, caluming?

-- Yanc3y (ystrickle...), July 1st, 2003 5:47 PM. (ystrickler) (link)

and we're just in the planning stages!

-- Mary (maj23...), July 1st, 2003 5:49 PM. (Mary) (link)

-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeballkick...), June 6th, 2005.

dingleberry

-- hstencil (hstenc!...), June 6th, 2005.

Oh. I had to look up 'dingleberry' as well. Now I know. Is it American?

-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeballkick...), June 7th, 2005.

it's a universal concept

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 7th, 2005.

I love those.

-- Eyeball Kicks (eyeballkick...), June 7th, 2005.

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St. Etienne wrote their own tunes, thus they are better, while Crazy Frog is needless.
-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), June 6th, 2005.

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), June 6th, 2005

Also.....

"This record was made possible by the Grace, Love and Guidance of Narayani Amma. Thankyou to master Nan Lu and everybody at the American Taoist Healing Centre, for teaching me "nothing" - what it is and how to get there. Much respect to Timothy 'Speed' Levitch and Rob Breszny, Tour Guides and Soldiers of Bliss who have helped me make contact with the divine secrets of the universe. Check out the work of both of these braves souls - Their ideas and energy are all over this album"

-- You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate (kat...), June 7th, 2005 4:49 PM. (papa november) (later)

I think I'm far lamer than ben lee for bothering to type that out.

-- You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate (kat...), June 7th, 2005 4:50 PM. (papa november) (later)

"Thanks to mummy for making me sandwiches"

Tit.

-- I HAVE NO MIND RO BOT I-HAVE-NO-MIND I HAVE NO MIND (ada...), June 7th, 2005 4:51 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

I don't want to buy anything that has a couple of guys "energy" all over it.

-- You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate (kat...), June 7th, 2005 4:51 PM. (papa november) (later)

maybe he meant 'energy drinks'

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 7th, 2005 4:52 PM. (electricsound) (later)

"and thanks to billy for spilling his red bull all over the mixing desk"

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 7th, 2005 4:52 PM. (electricsound) (later)

I just picked up on this today! It just never occurred to me. I guess it's sort of like how I never picked up on the double entendre of Magic Johnson until I was 24 years old, and only then because someone pointed it out to me.

-- donut debonair

yes, that's certainly a realistic assessment of the history of the entertainment business.

-- N_RQ (bl0cke...) (webmail), June 7th, 2005. (link)

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That is a FANTASTIC idea.
-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), June 7th, 2005 9:12 AM. (Nick A.) (later)

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(mods: how is the work on those < sarcasm> tags going?)
-- n/a (nu...) (webmail), June 7th, 2005 9:13 AM. (Nick A.) (later)

Have you been to Pottery Barn?

-- M. White (deir...) (webmail), June 7th, 2005. (link)

Derek Jacobi presents "I'm Not a Playa (I Just F*ck a Lot)"

Brian Blessed presents "Big Booty Ho's" (a personal favorite)

Sean Connery and Dame Judi Dench reenact "Doin' It" by LL Cool J

-- Ash (ashbyma...), June 7th, 2005 11:54 AM. (later)

I should have had "You Can Do It" for Luna, who should do that one Luna?

John Rhys-Davies and Maggie Smith?

-- Ash (ashbyma...), June 7th, 2005 11:57 AM. (later)

http://www.sean-connery.net/filmografia/nuevo%20index/noventa.jpg
"Back sheet of my Jeep, let's kick an espishode."

-- slightly more subdued (fluxion2...), June 7th, 2005 11:58 AM. (later)

*Precisely*

When someone does this, I want a check.

Oh and Luna
http://w13502.hostcentric.net/~newline/image_assets/lotr2_john_rhys-davies_LA.jpg
"I've got dick for days, you've got ass for weeks!"

-- Ash (ashbyma...), June 7th, 2005 12:02 PM. (later)

-- xhuxk (xedd...), June 7th, 2005.

(Maybe more of a "good call" moment than a LOL but still classic.)

-- Jordan (jordan...), June 7th, 2005.

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 8th, 2005 10:35 AM. (electricsound) (later)

no way. have a dhosa.

-- mullygrubbr (fan...), June 8th, 2005 10:36 AM. (bulbs) (later)

aloo!!

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 8th, 2005 10:37 AM. (electricsound) (later)

"ghosh" he mutta'd

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 8th, 2005 10:42 AM. (electricsound) (later)

aah ferget it

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 8th, 2005 10:42 AM. (electricsound) (later)

"Don't blame me, its monday!"

-- Trayce (spamspanke...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 10:42 PM. (trayce) (later) (link)

"Hey Chapelle Corby got 20 years I just heard it on the radio"

-- Trayce (spamspanke...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 10:42 PM. (trayce) (later) (link)

"OMG Trayce what are you doing with that baseball bat? ARGH! NOOOO"

-- Trayce

-- nabiscothingy (--...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005. (link)

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Corn on the cob is messy enough, dude!
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 8th, 2005.

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Word. The next breastfeeder who gets a nasty look should whip both tits out and machine-gun the jerk with boobjuice.

-- Je4nne ƒur¥ (ratatat...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005. (link)

dud. hugely, hugely overrated.

-- mark p (mark.p****...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 3:41 PM. (Mark P) (link)

????????

-- charltonlido (...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 3:41 PM. (gareth) (link)

no wait, i'm thinking of mystic river.

-- mark p (mark.p****...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 3:41 PM. (Mark P) (link)

-- mark p (mark.p****...), June 8th, 2005 1:53 PM. (later)

Pass it around
99 blowjobs with beer on the wall.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 8th, 2005 1:54 PM. (later)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), June 8th, 2005 6:00 PM. (jaymc) (later)

-- s1ocki

OTM and LOL in one short post.

-- strng hlkngtn (mayb...), June 8th, 2005. (later)

that he made his best music when he talked about drugs, money and his genitals would back up rock's point

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), June 8th, 2005. (later)

Answers
Loveless killed rock. Duh. I thought we went over this.
-- The Brainwasher (teignmout...), June 8th, 2005.

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anyone who has a problem with me deleting this get yr votes in in the next 30 mins.
-- strng hlkngtn (jesu...), June 8th, 2005.

I am reading Yellow Dog. It is probably the worst novel yet by this gifted, flawed author with his large learning and small, dirty, weaselly mind.

Maybe I should go back to Downriver.

-- the firefox (pinefo...), June 8th, 2005.

If you're huffin' n' puffin', next time eat a bran muffin

-- M. White (deir...) (webmail), June 8th, 2005 10:54 AM. (Miguelito) (link)

-- g-kit (kittenslikemil...), June 8th, 2005. (later)

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...) (webmail), June 9th, 2005 9:37 PM. (Hurting) (later) (link)

-- accentmonkey (tris...), June 9th, 2005.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 8th, 2005 4:47 PM.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 9th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a much better video from a T.V station in New York City, but the he who did them was angry that I didn't sleep with him, so I never received them. Then he died of a heart a attack. PWN3D.
-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), June 9th, 2005.

from the Marissa Marchant thread

-- On one hand I've got myself to blame (lynske...) (webmail), June 9th, 2005 11:01 AM. (Lynskey) (later) (link)

I remember the first time I heard "Love Shack" by the B52's, I was in a Manhattan Chili Company towards the west end of Bleeker Street (it's now an haute nouvelle Indian restaurant) with some friends and fellow interns from SPIN. It was Summer `89, I believe, and I remember watching a waitress I had a bit of a thing for shimmying lasciviously to it. Said image remains in my head to this day every time I hear it.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...) (webmail), June 9th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're not going to start telling us about Lake Woebegone now, are you?

-- nabiscothingy (--...) (webmail), June 9th, 2005. (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I find myself stunningly repulsed by "teh" yet I still keep coming to this board.
-- Miss Misery (texan...), June 9th, 2005 1:27 PM. (thatgirl) (later) (link)

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touceh.
-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), June 9th, 2005 1:27 PM. (later) (link)

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), June 9th, 2005 2:04 PM. (jaymc) (link)

Yeah, I'd like to see YOUR brilliant physics papers!

-- n/a (nu...), June 9th, 2005 2:23 PM. (Nick A.) (link)

Oh wait, no I wouldn't. Nevermind.

-- n/a (nu...), June 9th, 2005 2:23 PM. (Nick A.) (link)

you guys are acting like Winnie Cooper is your girlfriend or something, sheesh.

-- Allyzay flies casual (allyza...), June 9th, 2005 2:33 PM. (allyzay) (link)

And at that moment, I realized that Winnie had never actually been my girlfriend. We all learned a lot that day, Wayne, my dad, Winnie, and me.

-- n/a (nu...), June 9th, 2005 2:34 PM. (Nick A.) (link)

i can't wait until this thread is bumped in 8 months in anticipation of the first date

-- America's #1 Shaded Biblical Mini-Golf (power.strik...), June 9th, 2005. (deangulberry) (later)

-- Allyzay flies casual (allyza...), June 9th, 2005 6:33 PM.

And at that moment, I realized that Winnie had never actually been my girlfriend. We all learned a lot that day, Wayne, my dad, Winnie, and me.

-- n/a (nu...), June 9th, 2005 6:34 PM.

-- Jetlag Willy (noodle_vagu...), June 9th, 2005. (noodle vague) (later)

punk killed punk. rock killed punk.

we all killed punk.

punk killed yr. idols.

american idol killed punk.

america killed idols.

eric idle killed python.

whitesnake killed rock.

etc.

-- Sterling Clover (s.clove...), June 9th, 2005. (s_clover) (later)

alf: "Ha! I kill myself!"

-- Sterling Clover (s.clove...), June 9th, 2005. (s_clover) (later)

The server was acting funky when I posted it -- it didn't show that Ally had already posted it. Give me a break...

"Sex?"
"No thanks. I'm listening to Elvis."

-- Forksclovetofu (forksclovetof...), June 9th, 2005 4:13 AM. (Forksclovetofu) (later)

Millions of galaxies
Millions of stars

Potentially millions of solar systems

It's highly improbable that human beings are the only life-forms in the universe, is it not?

-- trappist monkey (h...), June 10th, 2005 5:40 PM.

Answers

are you in the dreamworks marketing department?

-- Amateur(ist) ([email protected]), June 10th, 2005 5:43 PM. (Amateur(ist))

-- Jetlag Willy (noodle_vagu...), June 9th, 2005 2:08 AM. (noodle vague) (later)

Happy Friday to you too Eisbär!
-- You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate, June 10th, 2005 1:55 PM.

I really feel like getting a tad pissed.
-- You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate, June 10th, 2005 1:56 PM.

well he's right here!
-- shine headlights on me, June 10th, 2005 1:56 PM.

fnarr
-- shine headlights on me, June 10th, 2005 1:56 PM.

-- Jetlag Willy (noodle_vagu...), June 10th, 2005 2:05 PM. (noodle vague) (later)

Was David Banner the one with the master's degree in education or something cool like that? I remember noting it on my blog
or something. Good for him for not playing into the tired gangsta trope and being like "I like a lot of different shit...and what?"

-- Candicissima (candicissim...), June 10th, 2005. (candicissima) (later)

David Banner's thesis "SUCK A DICK DIE MUTHAFUCKA BITCH ASS MUTHAFUCKA" is actually available as a PDF
on his website. Needless to say it is revelatory.

I have high hopes for the new record.

-- Alex in SF (clobberthesauru...), June 10th, 2005. (Alex in SF) (later)

-- Sasha (ahmar...), June 10th, 2005 4:00 PM. (sgh) (later)

If you tap it, it works like a PC's left mouse button. If you hold it down, it works like a PC's right mouse button. If you throw it out the window, you start to feel better.

-- Crankypants (ada...), June 10th, 2005 4:02 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

-- A Viking of Some Note (andrew.thame...), June 9th, 2005. (Andrew Thames) (later)

don't try it

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), June 9th, 2005. (nostudium) (later)

Shania Twain is more of a raunchy and sexy character, but she has also given the world some greats songs such as "So Glad We Make It" and "Think You Brad Pit."

-- Comstock Carabinieri (copp...), June 10th, 2005.

OK, let's see if they print this one...

Hongro

Music that is reliant on melody rather than rhythm. The sort of thing with a main tune you can whistle.

"My 'rents went to see Simon & Garfunkel the other day. They're totally Hongro."

-- aldo_cowpat (aldo.cowpa...), June 10th, 2005 2:56 PM. (aldo_cowpat) (later)

-- s1ocki (slytus...), June 9th, 2005. (slutsky) (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

the organization of incredibly exciting superbuddies!

-- s1ocki (slytus...), June 9th, 2005. (slutsky) (later)
------------------------------------------------------------------------

the union of interesting best friends!

-- s1ocki (slytus...), June 9th, 2005. (slutsky) (later)

"Would you say that the defendant is a transcendental number that most people are familiar with?"

"Yes"

"And is it possible for any other number to be defined both by the two limits described in Exhibits A and B, as well as the infinite series discovered in Exhibit F?"

"Not to my knowledge"

"Therefore is it possible, at all, for another number to be responsible for this crime, given the identifying evidence you have seen?"

"No"

"No further problems"

-- TOMBOT (wt...) (webmail), June 10th, 2005 3:21 PM. (link)

I think evidence is pretty good that we are not. Scientists believe that other species of animals exist, RIGHT HERE ON EARTH! It's TRUE!

-- geyser muffler and a quarter (right.knew...), June 10th, 2005 9:55 AM. (Dave225)

I'll have to reconsider inviting him to my Labour Day barbecue.

-- Myonga Von Bontee (scottyfield...), June 10th, 2005.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

strongo do i need to remind you that i'm jewish.
-- s1ocki (slytus...), June 10th, 2005 1:17 PM. (slutsky) (later)

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fling some foreskins at them!
-- laurence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), June 10th, 2005 1:18 PM. (lawrence kansas) (later)

they should also allow a tweeist display -- w/ lots of unicorns and monchchichis and carebears (all wiped out by The Great Flood).

-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), June 10th, 2005 3:29 PM.

http://www.9inchnails.net/remix-files/pictures/white_zombie_astro_creep.jpg

Er, wait.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 10th, 2005 2:03 PM. (Ned)

-- the D Double signal (adamr...), June 10th, 2005 12:44 PM. (later)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000052XQO.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
-- Je4nne ƒur¥ (presen...), June 10th, 2005 12:46 PM. (later)

-- the D Double signal (adamr...), June 10th, 2005 1:11 PM. (later)

And snacks.

-- the D Double signal (adamr...), June 10th, 2005 1:12 PM. (later)

Oh man.

they're all up in my shit
-- oops (don'temailmenicelad...), June 11th, 2005. (later)

This is what happens when you let boiling eggs boil dry.

-- You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate (kat...), June 11th, 2005 11:21 AM. (papa november) (later)

i did that once. except instead of it being the internet's fault, it was porno. i think i was 11 at the time.

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 11th, 2005 11:30 AM. (electricsound) (later)

Did you get egg white everywhere?

-- moley (mol...), June 11th, 2005 11:34 AM. (later)

Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Thu Aug 26 18:33:47 2004

All my life I've pondered what would happen if you caged a raccoon, threw him in a ring with a pit bull and had them fight to the death. No, I'm not going to start a thread about how my animal abusive uncle pulled off such a feat (because he would), but this morning at about 3 am I was fortunate enough to witness about 30 seconds worth of this dream match-up and it didn't disappoint!

I'm sound asleep early this morning when I'm suddenly awakened by the intensity of a fierce street fight between 3 cats...fuckin' battle royal WWF style, and everybody knows what a cat fight sounds like. The only reason this cat fight peeked my interest was because usually cat fights last about 15-20 seconds before one cat realizes he's about to get his ass whupped and runs away like a little bitch. Not this fight. This was fuckin' Ali/ Frazier and after about 45 seconds of ferocity I knew I had to get some ringside seats because these cats were absolutely getting after it! I run to my front room window which looks down on the street and and it was beautiful!! The street light in front of my neighbors house shined right down on the fight like I was at Ceasars Palace. The only thing missing was a giant bong rip and a few half naked ring card girls....and beer. And hookers.....anway....

So I must have been watching this free for all for about 45 seconds when out of nowhere this big fuckin' raccoon comes rollin' up 5 deep out of the alley between my house and my neighbors' to the right. I mean he's got his posse in full effect. I dont know, they might have been his bitches, all I know is I saw him out of the corner of my eye and at first I thought it was a dog, thats how big this coon was. I see raccoons all the time but this bastard was abnormally big, he was like Deebo from the movie Friday without the introduction music. The intense whine of the cat fight must have attracted his attention, he probably was in some dumpster getting his eat on when he heard the commotion, turned to his hoes and was like, "You wanna go see me whup some ass?" So he rolls up with his entourage and within seconds this cat fight comes to an abrupt end. Game over. Thanks for coming. In the blink of an eye 2 of the cats are fuckin' ghost! They know better. They're like, "No need to stick around, thats the biggest motherfuckin' racoon I've ever seen, I'M OUT!!" Now the other cat, he didn't move. He must have paged the coons or some shit because you could tell they were boys. The minute he saw the calvary coming he probably looked at the other cats and was like, "Yeah, whats up now bitches? This is my block. West side. Recognize!" Throwing up alley cat gang signs n' shit. So I'm watching this and my adrenaline is just pumping, I love confrontation especially between animals. I'm a little disappointed that this raccoon showed up because he broke up a really entertaining cat fight but just when I was about to climax all over myself things got really interesting...

My neighbors to the left own a pitbull named Davis and by no means is Davis one of those "trained to kill" style ghetto pitbulls, he's actually a sweetheart but he is a pitbull and he can get down. Davis is the kind of dog that is cool with humans but will not hesitate to obliterate any cat he can run down. Occasionally he gets under the fence which doesnt bother me at all but at times has the other neighbors terrofied. Sure enough Davis also heard the catfight and wanted to get a live glimpse himself, he just didn't know he was about to come face to face with a 105+ pound coon. So the minute I see Davis I let out with a "HOLY SHIT!!!" and once again my adrenaline is flaring like a pack of hemorroids because I knew this had the potential to be fuckin' awesome! With that my roommate comes bolting out of his room half asleep thinking somebody was breaking into his piece of shit car, it's black as pitch in our house and dude just runs head on into the hall way corridor. Fuckin' WHAM!!. He goes to turn on the lights in the living room and I'm like, "No, you're going to scare them away," he still has no idea whats going on and turns his attention to what I'm watching and just flips out!! He's more pumped up than I am! You have to understand, my roommate and I are HUGE boxing fanatics who grew up together and were the type of guys who would have heated debates over who would win in a fight, John Rambo or Luke Skywalker. You know the types. King Kong or Godzilla? Mountain lion Vs. Black bear? So this was right up our alley.

The minute the raccoons see Davis four of them decide it was in their best interest to find the nearest escape route and head right back towards the alley. Not the big fella. This raccoon had balls of steel and even Davis was kinda lookin' at him like, "Yo nigga, don't you know who I am? Is your ass crazy or something? I'm a fuckin' pit bull son." However the only thing on this coons' mind was tearing shit up. So Davis is sizing up the situation and this raccoon goes right into a defensive attack position. It was about to be on and I'm not sure how it happened but within' moments my roommate and I are engaged in a heated debate over the outcome and automatically a 20 dollar bet was on the table. So he starts going off about Davis having "lock jaw" and once Davis establishes that advantage the fight would be over, Davis would tear him apart. I start telling him that it's not going to matter what kind of jaw Davis has because the second he gets close, that raccoon is going to use his razor sharp paws and carve him up something fierce. So we are going round and round like fuckin' Jim Lampley and Larry Merchant from HBO Sports and as always when my adrenaline starts and I get excited...I gotta take an enormous shit. I mean I'm straight up turtle heading. I cant hold it any longer.

Alright give me some room here....does anyone else get that or is it just me? I dont know why, but ever since I could remember anytime I feel any type of anxiety I automatically have to take a giant dump. It's the craziest thing. If I go to Blockbuster to rent a movie, within about 2 minutes I have to take a shit. Same thing if I go pick up a video game, it's like fuckin' clock work. When I'm about to light up a giant bong rip, I always run to the bathroom first. And sometimes there's no bathroom around so I have to go with the "heal plunge" where I bend over to pretend like I'm tying my shoe but all I'm really doing is ramming my heal up my ass to stop me from shitting all over myself. Speaking of video games, when I was 13 my little brother would bring over his chinese friend to play Nintendo and this kid was such a savage that he wouldn't even bother to press pause when he had to take a shit, he'd just drop a growler right there in his pants!! I mean come on, I know chinese kids love video games but there's a pause button for a reason. This kid was like, "no way" getting to level 9 in Mega Man was WAY more important than a trip to the bathroom. Little fella would just go caveman style right there in the living room.....

So anyway, I frantically sprint to the bathroom about to drop my garbage all over the floor and I'm on the toilet yelling at my roommate to give me "the play by play". I must have been on the shitter for like 12 seconds flat, if crapping was an Olympic sport I'd have just brought home the gold. I run back into the living room with a trail of toilet paper still lodged in my ass and as soon as I take my seat, my cock blocking neighbor comes flying out of her house screaming at her dog to come. Obviously with that the coon bolts, I'm bummed out of my mind, my roommate throws on the lights in the living room and dude is sporting a 3 inch gash right down his forehead. Apparently when he came running out of his room and took on the hallway corridor the guy split his fuckin' wig. He's got blood all over his shirt like he just went toe to toe with a god damn mountain lion.......

I got to get some sleep.

this is in or around Ceasars Palace
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

VIDEO: TARANTULA VS. MOUSE (TARANTULA WINS)

-- Will(iam) (rozelle@hillbilies), June 10th, 2005.

-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...), June 10th, 2005 4:49 AM. (Pleasant Plains ///) (later)

or political

-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...), June 12th, 2005.

Answers

Are you crying for help dude?

-- maria b (maria...), June 12th, 2005.

-- Ian Riese-Moraine, June 12th, 2005 2:10 PM. (Eastern Mantra) (later)

geir: that does not count, aqueducts are not melodic.

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), June 13th, 2005. (later)

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he does something, he provides a under the radar, whispering, notice of his own desire
-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...), June 12th, 2005.

Do any female rock stars actually have double D's?
-- billstevejim
Does Meg White have double D's?

-- buck van morrison (buckvan...), June 12th, 2005.

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Ludacris fills cups like double D's, if that helps.
-- Dom Passantino (juror...), June 12th, 2005.

-- Cunga (visionsofjohann...), June 13th, 2005.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/4085484.stm

-- Metal Mikey (metalmike...) (webmail), June 12th, 2005. (later)

Answers

! Knock me over with a feather.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), June 12th, 2005. (Ned) (later)

http://home.swiftdsl.com.au/~raza/care-o-meter.jpg

-- Dom Passantino (juror...) (webmail), June 12th, 2005. (Dom Passantino) (later)

Sometimes I wonder where the hell I exactly have misstepped.

-- Allyzay flies casual (allyza...), June 13th, 2005.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Be thankful you didn't meet a shit ton of mimes!

Fuck that.

-- donut e-goo (do...), June 13th, 2005.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

*invents mimesweeper*

-- mark s (mar...), June 13th, 2005.

http://edition.cnn.com/

-- bugaloo (songsa...), June 13th, 2005.

Answers

There's another thread just started! Not that hard to find!

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 13th, 2005.
This thread has been locked by an administrator

I like it because it just links to the CNN front page, as if, I don't know...

-- David R. (quoteidio...), June 13th, 2005 1:37 PM. (popshots75`) (later)

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...) (webmail), June 13th, 2005 4:17 PM. (link)

LUCA consisted of only a single cell, like a bacterium, scientists say, but its descendants comprise modern humans, animals, plants, fungi and invisible microbes.

``Amazingly, every living thing we see around us, and many more that we can only see with the aid of a microscope, is related,'' said Anthony Poole, a molecular biologist at Stockholm University in Sweden.

-- Maria (silyl_ari...), June 13th, 2005 7:36 AM. (Maria) (later)

Answers

This sounds way better than Universal Soldier.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), June 13th, 2005 7:38 AM. (spencermfi) (later)

i wanna give this thing a piece of my mind!

-- andrew m. (westernis...), June 13th, 2005 7:40 AM. (andrewmorgan) (later)

MY NAME IS LUCA I LIVE ON THE 3 TO 4 BILLION YEAR OLD FLOOR

-- Amon (masses7...), June 13th, 2005 8:16 AM. (eman) (later)

Oh my god, I am so creeped out by the whole thing.

There are a lot of guys in my office that seem proud to have to go to the bathroom, by the way. They make a production of it and make sure everyone sees them take the communal newspaper with them. I'm like, why would anyone touch that newspaper afterwards? Jesus christ. Ugh.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 16th, 2003 2:31 PM. (mlescaut)

Oh, yeah, that's called a circle jerk.

-- Tep (te...), April 16th, 2003 2:33 PM. (ktepi)

All I'm saying is that you don't see me walking around, waving a tampon in the air. That is all.

-- Ally (mlescau...), April 16th, 2003 2:33 PM. (mlescaut)

why the hell not¿

-- dyson (dyspleasur...), April 16th, 2003 2:38 PM. (dyson)

"You'll have to excuse me, ladies. I have to go apply the little white mouse on a string! TEEHEE!"

-- donut bitch (do...), April 16th, 2003 2:39 PM. (donut)

it is grody

-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), April 16th, 2003 2:39 PM. (James Blount)

Unless it was Enya excusing herself from an important business meeting, then she's say "let me bail, let me bail, stop the gory nookie flow"

-- donut bitch (do...), April 16th, 2003 2:45 PM. (donut)

(ps - I'll meet you behind the tool shed.)

-- giboyeux (skowl...), June 14th, 2005 9:52 PM. (skowly) (later)

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There speaks a man of experience
-- Bifidus Digestivum (dadaismu...) (webmail), June 14th, 2005. (Dada) (later)

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), June 14th, 2005 7:33 PM

Ha! My friend Dave made the original object that this is based on. I'm behind an HTTP only connection so I can't email him to show him this wonder, but I know he does read his REEFER LOG.

http://www.cca.org/dave/images-art/meter-3.jpg

What is this from and why is it funny?

The best known czech rap group issued via internet their new track and they are dissing me in it! Along with George Bush & czech ex-prime minister they mention my name. You see, I write about music to couple of magazines, but I am not that much famous. Being little confused about the whole thing, I am asking ILM readers to tell what to do.

-- karl76 (vesely.kar...), June 14th, 2005.

Answers

You need to record a response

-- Hari A$hur$t (lindseyloha...), June 14th, 2005.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

name it "Czech Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself"

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), June 14th, 2005.

-- boldbury (sniffywo...), June 15th, 2005 9:17 PM. (boldbury) (later) (link)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Someone went up to him and said, "Hey I loved you in--" (insert ambulance siren here) and he replied, "Thank you! It was a fun movie to make."
Any ideas?

-- Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (speed.to.r[email protected]m), June 15th, 2005 1:02 PM. (Gear!)

Answers
I like the idea the person just made an ambulance noise and the guy was all happy.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 15th, 2005 1:05 PM. (Ned)

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I thought 'Nee Naw' was a bit over-rated personally.
-- Sociah T Azzahole (stevem7...), June 15th, 2005 1:07 PM. (blueski)

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(Except for snacks.)
-- Pleasant Plains /// (pleasant.plain...), June 15th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You could train tarantulas to bring you snacks.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 15th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Their definition of snacks may be slightly different though, Ned.
-- M. White (deir...), June 15th, 2005.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is why you have to train them.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 15th, 2005.

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Duh, M. Get with it, already.
-- giboyeux (skowl...), June 15th, 2005.

So, sorry Dan, but I didn't get the same connotations from Milo's question than you did.

FUCKING HELL! I JUST WANTED A THREAD TALKING ABOUT THE SOMEWHAT RARE ANOMALY OF ONE-ON-ONE ARTHROPOD VS. MAMMAL PREDATOR/PREY RELATIONSHIPS IN NATURE -- OUTSIDE A CAGE -- AND NOW WE'RE TALKING ABOUT JACKING OFF TO VIDEOS OF MICE GETTING CRUSHED, AND FUCKING JANE BADLER!! 'SICK FUCKS' INDEED!

-- donut e-goo (do...), June 15th, 2005.

ohhhh you men

-- Homosexual II (mandeewrigh...), June 15th, 2005.

-- the bellefox (pinefo...), November 18th, 2004.

.....

Dylan gets jazzy on "New Morning," but if Beck is your shining star, I've got some bridge property you might be interested in buying.
-- The Sensational Sulk (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), June 16th, 2005.

Your Favourite Black/Death Metal Tracks

-- Tuomas (tuomas.alh...), June 16th, 2005.

!

-- strng hlkngtn (hm...), June 16th, 2005 9:05 AM. (link)

it's crazy! imagine the spaced out venn diagram.

-- N_RQ

Besides, it's odd to invoke Bataille in opposition to Hegel. Much of Bataille's work was a reworking of Hegel's darkly pompous mystagoguery. But even that complicity with the Absolute Enemy is not the most troubling aspect of Bataille's (non) project. It is precisely his resolutely non-perverse, Catholic notion of perversion that is the problem.

Before I elaborate on that claim, a brief note on Catholicism. The problem with Catholicism is not excessive guilt. On the contrary, Catholics should be more guilty... for the Spanish Inquisition... for Bishop Landa burning most of Mayan culture in an afternoon... for systematically exploiting the poorest and most disenfranchised of the earth over two millennia and for encouraging them to breed indiscriminately (no-one mention Liberation Theology, please: that's only positive to the degree that it is Marxist, i.e. anti-Catholic)... for what Bergmann correctly identifies as its necessary, not accidental relationship to child abuse... 'Bergmann, ..., claimed that "the only rational view of the Roman Catholic Church" was that it was "a monstrous blasphemy of transcendent evil: incomparably more corrupt than the Mafia (if indeed it can be separated from organised crime, which of course it cannot)". His views, he said, were backed up by "hard sociological data which even they can't suppress now" concerning the – apparently endemic – problem of institutionalised child abuse amongst Catholic clergy. But Bergmann alienated any of the few supporters he had even within Protestantism by adding that "any religion that is serious about worshipping the Father-God will always be about child abuse; the only difference between the religion of the Paulites and that of the Abrahamites is that, in the Paulites' case, child torture spills over into child murder. Despite tying and binding Isaac, the Jewish God ultimately spares Abraham's son; but the Paulite God actually kills his own son."'

So, yes Catholics should be more guilty... not in that ooo, it is awful (so I'll do it) sense... but coldly guilty... so guilty in fact that they cease to be Catholics and really repent of their sins.

Bataille is as much a part of the despicable Catholic psychology of guilt and transgression as any other victims of this evil cult (you think I'm exaggerating? Tell me an institution that has done more evil on the planet? Nazism only lasted 10 years or so, whereas Catholicism is a still-existing, still-abusing two-thousand year reich). Everyone knows (but some continue to celebrate) that the deep sickness of Catholicism is that guilt ethically legitimates and pyschologically predisposes its victim-abusers towards destruction of others and self-destruction. Zizek has drawn our attention to Paul's observation that law produces (the desire for) transgression. The critique of this move is so well rehearsed that it scarcely seems worthwhile repeating it here. But suffice it to say that more or less the whole of Foucault and everything that is innovative about Lacan, Deleuze-Guattari and Burroughs is specifically designed to reduce that aren't we naughty transgresso-pantomimery to the interiorised, oedi-policed mummery that it is. And, needless to say, Spinoza could not have been less transgressive, less interested in urinating over the head of a priest to show how Bad he was. (Look at me, punish me... gaahhhhhhhhhh!)

'The whole Courtly Love/ Glamasochism thing stinks of a project with an infinitely deferred goal: "the act itself is unimportant/ boring". No. Far from it. Only in the climax-orientated, semen-drenched male libidinal economy which Bataille, far from escaping, produces yet another, academically titillating version of, is it is possible to defer goals. Nothing is deferred in Courtly Love, there is an almost unbearable plenitude, so that a breath, a sigh and a caress are enough to make your whole body shiver with intensely distributed libidinal charge. Nothing is deferred; what is positively avoided is anything that will terminate the plateau. Surely it's uncontoversial to note that the whole of, for instance, the Body without Organs plateau in ATP is about, not deferral, but a model of diffuse eroticism which can include sex and even orgasm, but which is not terminated by them. Deleuze-Guattari rightly take great pains to say that sex and even male emission phenomena need not end the plateau.

What then is this 'Act' of which the Sadeans (John and Glueboot) insist on maintaining the primacy? Only a Sadean sexualist (or a LLAD) could make a distinction between The Act and eroticism; for the Masochist, the distinction is meaningless; all gestures, all gameplay, is as fully erotic as any rutting. And that's because, though they will deny it, the Sadeans continue to have a model that is BOTH semiotically overcoded AND biologisitic. Semiotically overcoded because it privileges certain behaviours and activities as key signifiers ('we're having sex now, this is REALLY it, not foreplay....' and, conversely, 'it's over now, I feel disgusted, let's do it again....' There is no 'doing it again' for a Masochist (when did it stop?) Incidentally, when sexualists say 'they had sex five times last night' what is 'sex'?) Biologistic because, for all the mystificatory vagueness about what the Act involves, it is pretty clear that is sex understood in an absolutely straightforward way. And as I said before, the fact that this moves beyond genital copulation to orgasm doesn't mean anything. As Nina rightly says, there is nothing natural, but nevertheless there are biotic defaults, and there is nothing more biologistic than poking bits of yourself into holes or rubbing bits of yourself until they are sick. Look at dogs -- they'll fuck anything, any surface, any animal, any orifice will do. Are they 'perverse'? On the contrary, in their agitational drive to relieve tension by any means necessary one can see the whole Schopenhauerian torture chamber that is organic biotics absolutely exposed for what it is. Insofar as there is nature, insofar as there is biology, it is Sadean-Bataillean. I expect John and Siobhan will deny that this is what they mean by sex, but I suspect, and I could of course be wrong, that their defintion of sex is no more positive than the Trad Christian definition of the soul, i.e. it will proceed by negation, 'it's not x, it's not y': what is it then?

It it is precisely this drive to relieve tension - inevitably producing tristresse and therefore the need to relieve tension again and therefore etc... - that is what Masochism evades in its construction of a cold rationalist nu-earth hypersensuality. Unlike the pleasure principle drive to have done with tension, Masochism is literally in-tense, in that it takes its enjoyment from modulating tension

-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), June 16th, 2005.

-- charltonlido (...), June 16th, 2005 1:05 AM. (gareth) (link)

i was in america, earlier, i heard some people listening to the pet shops boys

-- charltonlido (...), June 16th, 2005 1:07 AM. (gareth) (link)

when i say earlier, i mean yesterday. and it wasnt that fucknut adam either!

-- charltonlido (...), June 16th, 2005 1:08 AM. (gareth) (link)

are coldplay garbage?

-- charltonlido (...), June 16th, 2005 1:13 AM. (gareth) (link)

do you like my hat?

-- charltonlido (...), June 16th, 2005 1:14 AM. (gareth) (link)

I misread that as Courtney Love both times and I was WTFing all over the place.

-- Vichitravirya XI (x...), June 16th, 2005 1:21 AM. (link)

I'll only go to the west side of your balcony.

-- walter kranz (kranz_walte...), June 16th, 2005 1:23 AM. (walterkranz) (link)

---

OH NO A MOUSE WAS FED TO A TARANTULA THE HORROR THE PATHOS

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 15th, 2005. (later)

(I look forward to the day when societal issues the negatively impact me are sufficiently small that I can care about non-issues like this.)

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 15th, 2005. (later)

DAN IT WAS THE MOUSE THAT SANG "SOMEWHERE OUT THERE" NOW DON'T YOU FEEL CRUEL.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 15th, 2005. (later)

OMG. If someone seriously fed Fieval to a big fucking spider I'm going to send that person all of my money.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 15th, 2005. (later)

They should have scooped Fieval's eyes out with little Disney-insigna spoons first.

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 15th, 2005. (later)

Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me
And eating my eyes tonight.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 15th, 2005. (later)

-- RJG (RJ...), June 16th, 2005

-- giboyeux (skowl...) (webmail), June 16th, 2005. (link)

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I opened this thread and just read the last post. I didn't know we had switched from talking about poo to talking about butter.

-- geyser muffler and a quarter (right.knewi...) (webmail), June 16th, 2005. (link)

-- donut e-goo (do...) (webmail), June 16th, 2005. (link)

-- Allyzay knows a little German (allyza...) (webmail), June 16th, 2005. (link)

-- Paunchy Stratego (fluxion2...) (webmail), June 16th, 2005 2:13 PM. (kenan) (later) (link)

I have to go to the shops soon. Guess which celebrity I'll bump into this time:

a. Dave Hughes
b. Gina Riley
c. Lano and/or Woodley

-- Crankypants (ada...), June 17th, 2005 1:53 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

you didn't specify any celebrities

-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 17th, 2005 1:53 PM. (electricsound) (later)

Why apologise? Nobody else does

If picking your nose opens doors, I want what youre having.
-- Trayce, June 17th, 2005 2:00 PM.

This doesn't apply to any of you, but I HATE name-droppers. I know one, he's always boasting about knowing some omgfamous person, and he drops it into conversation so awkwardly.

"Mmm, these meatballs are nice"
"That's what Claudia Karvan had when we went out for dinner last night"
"Goodness is that the time?"
"That's a coincidence! I lived with Wil Anderson for three years, he used to look at the time"

-- Crankypants (ada...), June 17th, 2005 2:40 PM. (Autumn Almanac) (later)

-- Crankypants (ada...), June 17th, 2005.

"Scapelle Corby battered my barramundi."

-- estela (estelaisale...), June 17th, 2005.

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i wouldn't want to spend my last hours in a record store
-- shine headlights on me (electricsoun...), June 17th, 2005.

"The Pistons, having climbed back in this thing, find themselves in a peculiar position: they must win two out of the next three games!"

"The key for both teams will be scoring. I predict -- and you can quote me -- the team that scores the most points will win game five!"

-- Haikunym (zinogu...), June 17th, 2005. (Haikunym) (later)

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), June 18th, 2005 1:35 AM. (vassifer)
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hehe, i thought so, sometimes i read them and wonder if they were penned by you.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), June 18th, 2005 1:39 AM. (jaymc)
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i like the economy of them.

-- jaymc (jmcunnin...), June 18th, 2005 1:40 AM. (jaymc)
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"Discerning Upper East Siders know to honor the fire this Saturday evening..."

-- s1ocki (slytus...), June 18th, 2005 1:41 AM. (slutsky)
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COP SHOOT COP REUNION OMGWTF

-- Eisbär (llamasfu...), June 18th, 2005 1:49 AM. (llamasfur)
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It's that very "economy" that's making me want to root around in my inner ear with a phillips head screwdriver.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), June 18th, 2005 1:53 AM. (vassifer)
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it's the economy, stupid!

-- s1ocki (slytus...), June 18th, 2005 1:54 AM. (slutsky)

# why are you home on a friday night on ILX? (97 new answers)
# i'm fucking your husband (13 new answers)

-- j.lu (jlut...), June 18th, 2005 1:24 PM. (j.lu) (later) (link)

anyone know a decent record store in williamstown, mass? i'm dying.
-- rockaction (ts67...), June 17th, 2005.

from? i dunno if it's still there, but williamstown used to have the best record store i've ever been to.

-- Lagartija Curt1sss (curtis.stephen...), June 19th, 2005

-- el sabor de gene (yn...), June 18th, 2005. (yournullfame) (later)

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It really is the re-release season, isn't it (Gang of Four, Siouxsie, the Cure and soon....Killing Joke and...er....Manowar). Tipped off by our own sage-like Ned, I picked up the 'special edtion' re-release of Discover and -- as implausibly goofy as this band so irrefutably was -- I'm loving it. Along with the original ten tracks of silly, yelping Welsh goth shenanigans (see this thread to debate whether or not GLJ were credbily Goff or not: What was the first Goth record you liked? ), there comes a bonus disc of b-sides, extended versions, remixes and other ephemera. Yeah, I know what yer sayin': "Oh yeah, if there's one thing I really can't live without, it's obscure Gene Loves Jezebel alternate takes!" Well, SHUT YOUR MOUTH, HATER! Disc two contains easily the finest bit of tunage the Jezzies ever belched out, that being "Psycho 2" (not a reference to the abortive film of identical title, but a re-work of "Psychological Problems" from the earlier disc, Promise). A manic, screeching guitar sprint that encapsulates everything grand and glorious about mid-80's goff.

Live, they were terrible....like a transvestite Aerosmith cover band. But their singles -- for a brief window of time -- were great.

-- Alex in NYC (vassife...), May 24th, 2005. (tracklink)

Answers
Is it morally wrong to have gay sex with one's own brother?
-- The Sensational Sulk (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...), May 24th, 2005.

Lame asshole posted that.

-- Stoner Guy (dum...), June 18th, 2005 8:58 AM. (later)

they should share

-- anthony easton (anthonyeasto...), June 18th, 2005 9:03 AM. (later)

Hey guys! A lame asshole posted that!!

-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), June 18th, 2005 9:05 AM. (later)

-- cutty (holle...), June 18th, 2005 4:59 PM.

'Guitars with politics bore me. I relate to music on the level of sex and death-sweat, blood, cum, sleepless nights and insecurity'

-- Acorn (squas...), June 19th, 2005 12:23 PM. (later)

Answers

Clay Aiken

-- hep (he...), June 19th, 2005 12:30 PM. (later)

-- David R. (quoteidio...), June 20th, 2005 4:36 AM. (popshots75`) (later)

*BANG!* *POW!* *PA-KOING!*

-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 20th, 2005 12:46 PM. (Dan Perry) (later)

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oh you'd probably smell the hair burning.
-- teeny (teen...), June 20th, 2005.

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Or my naked mole rat?
-- The Ghost of Dan Perry (djperr...), June 20th, 2005.

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On your nose.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...), June 19th, 2005.

-- nabisco (--...), June 20th, 2005. (later)